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Who’s In My Way?
Lots of people, it turns out. Not all of them are even male, as it turns out. All it takes is one jealous wife and there are at least ten out there. Ten jealous wives (or ex-wives) and a sea of men. What’s a girl to do? Reiki heal the snot out of them all,…
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True Love
Thank you, bearded fellow standing at the Meals 2Go line today around dinner time. You smiled just because you saw me, it seemed like, so I am grateful. Thank you. That is a taste of true love, right there. That’s something I need in my life, I’ve decided. Forget all these serious-faced deli men who…
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The Mountain Dragon Man (1)
The Mountain Dragon Man is the title I bestow on my future husband. It sounds quite intimidating, surely, for anyone who does not even call themselves a man in their head, but I assure you that any boy can grow into a mountain, a dragon, or a man. And if he’s a very diligent boy,…
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Curry Is Poison
I hate to break it to you, but you’re poisoning yourselves with your curry powders. Cumin and curry are both incompatible with the human body, despite your dedication to using it in both Asian, Mexican, and fusion cuisine. We know everyone in Asia eats it, but you don’t eat it every day. Some of you…
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Magic Man
I’m convinced there’s a magic man out there for me. Except his eyes are like coffee. [Heart — Magic Man] Maybe I’m wrong. I mean, God keeps promising me one Jaxon Solsinger — that’s our new last name if he doesn’t step up to the plate soon. It’s his turn to be at the bat.…
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What Gets My Goat
What the fuck? I have two sticks of man deodorant and neither have aluminum in them. But, when I go to the fucking store to buy woman deodorant, every single one of those fucking tubes has aluminum on the label. It’s known to the state of Crystal that aluminum causes BREAST CANCER! Today, I am…
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Toasties & Masala Chai
We are soaking our masala chai ingredients in spring water right now. I read something about crushing it for a stronger flavor. I do not own a mortar and pestle at this time, so I am soaking it per God’s suggestion. It makes sense that letting the water seep into the spices to soften them…
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The Broken Down Girl Robot
There once was a woman who felt like a robot because everyone around her treated her as if she was a robot. They made this fatal mistake because Crystal separated business from pleasure, so to speak; she divorced her emotions until the end of the day, where she sat and reflected upon what happened throughout…