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Toasties & Masala Chai

We are soaking our masala chai ingredients in spring water right now. I read something about crushing it for a stronger flavor. I do not own a mortar and pestle at this time, so I am soaking it per God’s suggestion. It makes sense that letting the water seep into the spices to soften them would create a stronger flavor. God’s wise like that.

Today’s toasties will be peanut butter & chocolate chip. Also God’s request, since I don’t want to eat chocolate chips really. Maybe it’s more of a Loki thing. Or maybe it’s time to experiment and see if I’ve healed enough to eat it. I really don’t care anymore.

PB & Choco Chip Toasties

  • 2 cups almond meal
  • 1/2 cup cassava flour (egg replacement)
  • 2/3 cup Lakanto monkfruit sweetener — classic
  • 2/3 cup Lakanto monkfruit sweetener — golden
  • 2 sticks plant-based butter
  • 1 cup peanut butter
  • 1 bag chocolate chips

Bake at 350 for 40 minutes in a 9×9 pan.

Masala Chai — 1st Attempt

  • 2 cinnamon sticks
  • 12 cardamom pods
  • 2 tsp peppercorns
  • 6 cloves
  • 4 in. ginger, sliced
  • 4 star anise
  • 6 allspice
  • 6 black tea bags
  • 4 cups water
  1. Boil all the spices in the water for 20 minutes.
  2. Turn off heat & steep tea for 3 minutes — use more bags for more flavor if desired.
  3. Combine 50/50 with your ‘milk’ of choice.

I plan to consume these together.

I’m so tired today. I did the dishes and the cat chores. Now I just have to get a shower and I’ll call today a success. I broke down and took some Tylenol because I decided I’d rather not live the whole day in pain I cannot do without. I’m taking a lesson in compassion for self.

Humility? Why do I need a lesson in that? That’s odd of you to decide that, audience.

Anyway. Like I said, I’m fucking tired alright? Yeah, I’m getting angry at the idea that I’m not ‘humble enough.’ For what? For you to fuck? Oh did I call you rape culture assholes out on something? Maybe the real reason I’m tired is that I’ve been running through your minds all day. You know what comes with a girl like me? A knife to the head. Let’s play some Halo, my friend.

The Long Kiss Goodnight… awesome movie. I love Gena Davis, by the way, since you’re all obsessed with what I do and don’t like. And Earth Girls Are Easy.

God is still angry at Sir Deli Man for wasting money. He says that man owes me $4,000. I’m not quite sure where God got that figure, but I can’t question the divine entity responsible for judging all of mankind. Can you? That takes some balls. Talk about needing a lesson in humility.

So, future husband. I guess you’re in the hole a little here. I’m sorry. It’s my own poor impulse control, I’m sure of it. I’ve been hearing the wanton desires of so many people in my head for almost a year now. It gets overwhelming and sometimes I just give in and buy stupid shit like $50 of crap at The Dollar Tree for crafts that I don’t need to actually do to make a living.

As God pointed out, I can just heal people for a living. I think that’s what I want to do with my life. Eat and heal.

Oh, I need a humility lesson because God wrote me as Grocery Goddess? Wow. Now there’s some irony. God, could you tone it down a little? People think I’ve got a really big head now.

I’m just a girl in this world. That’s all you’ll let me be. [No Doubt]

A girl with delicious RECIPES! That masala chai is smelling really fucking good now. It’s got 14 more minutes to go on simmer. I’m trying to time them being ready at the same moment so that I can enjoy both at once. My mom is looking forward to trying the chai, I think. She got real nosey when I had a sauce pan full of water with spices in it.

You know… being two people is not unlike the duality of Samantha/Charly in The Long Kiss Goodnight. This movie has a ton of great one-liners, I’ve got to say. It makes me miss smoking about .0001%.

Yeah, I used to smoke. For a long time, I smoked on a schedule. Every two hours. Newport 100s. Then, when I tried to cut back to quit, I switched over to non-menthol cigarettes and floated between Camel and Marlboro. Marlboro Black was pretty fucking swanky, I’ll tell you. For a time, I got up to 1.5 packs a day. That was my heaviest, I guess. Then I cut back to 1/2 pack a day. I gotta tell you, I don’t think cutting back is the real way to quit. It can help save money, though, while you tell yourself you want to quit (but actually don’t want to quit.)

The secret is this: if you don’t really want to, trying is pointless.

If you do want to, then my advice is nicotine gum. The delayed satisfaction is what ultimately breaks the habit. Patches last for hours and hours. Keep it on hand for up to a year after you quit. The cravings are stress-triggered in addition to the habit you formed for the drug intake. Yes, nicotine is a drug. A legal one. It’s not even lethal, it’s the rest of the shit they put in commercial cigarettes. I also recommend getting yourself a hookah and switching to that if you can manage it. And, above all else, if you smoke indoors, put a box fan with a furnace filter behind it to remove the smoke from the air.

My parents are two-pack-a-day smokers and I’ve successfully removed the smoke from the air. Plus, my mom’s emphysema seems to be under control thanks to this change. She’s a true believer and buys the filters herself now. I also empty their ash trays daily if I can manage it and, after spending an initial day scrubbing them clean, now I rinse them out and let them dry. (My parents have two for every room basically, so there’s always extras around.)

I ran out of soy milk, so I’ll be mixing almond milk and coffee creamer together for my chai. I’ve got to go to Wegmans again. I wanted to go today but that’s definitely not happening. I mean, I could… they close at midnight and it’s not that late yet… but I want my damn treats!

‘Life is pain. You just get used to it. So stand up right this minute, mommy.’

Hmm… yes. Life is pain, it’s true. That’s my truth. I hear people praying for me and I love you all. Thank you for that. It’s really, truly helping.

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