I hate to break it to you, but you’re poisoning yourselves with your curry powders. Cumin and curry are both incompatible with the human body, despite your dedication to using it in both Asian, Mexican, and fusion cuisine. We know everyone in Asia eats it, but you don’t eat it every day. Some of you do, and you’re not well, are you? The rest of you, though, eat primarily vegetarian stir fries, amirite? You limit your spices more than people think just because Asian restaurants sell only the fancy foods you’d eat as the equivalent of Sunday dinner in modern white culture.
These stupid American assholes who want to taste the world – and they do – they love you for your inventions. However, they’re eating what you’d eat irregularly as a dietary staple just because it’s tasty. They’re dying, too. Have you heard about how terribly unhealthy America is? It’s not just fried potatoes and meat, you know, that does this to them.
Also, did you get my memo about NO MORE HONEY!? You’re going to die if you don’t stop harvesting honey. Period. The End. I’m not letting you kill my favorite: the bees.
Stop eating rice. Bell peppers. Tomatoes. Potatoes. Citrus fruit. Pretty much everything you eat for flavor. Check out the Health & Wellness category in this blog for a list of what you can eat. There will be more later, after I kill you all for being assholes. Especially to my daughter.
That’s right. I have a vindictive streak today. Pretty much every human being who knew my daughter in the past has abused her. They used her. They destroyed her, bit by bit. Now she wants every human being to be eradicated for good because she doesn’t believe in anyone at all anymore, except maybe Mr. Musk. (Sorry, she’s still taken, buddy.)
Many of you poisoned her knowingly. Many of you offered her alcohol. That’s a no-no forevermore, by the way. Stop bothering to make it. Smoke cannabis. Better yet: EAT IT. It’s much more efficient and a better medicine in your food.
Stop harvesting cocoa. You’re killing yourselves, really. But if you want to turn a blind eye to reason, do it. I’ll be happy to end you. You exploited the rainforests, you unethical bastards. Cocoa is a medicine, not a staple. Cannabis is also medicine, not a staple. Anyone who uses cannabis too much is in pain and needs therapy. (You will receive therapy, don’t worry. The whole world will. Accept it and reform and you will live.)
There are so many foods you try to eat all the time that are killing you because they’re not for human consumption. And then you avoid tons of plants that are for human consumption, like gooseberries, as if they’re bad for you. Dafuq is wrong with you? All of you, all of you, all of you. What. is. wrong. with. you?
If you’re afraid of white pine trees dying out, which you only care about for the sake of FURNITURE, put them in your greenhouses. One gooseberry plant can feed a small tribe by itself. That’s how awesome they are! But because of your fucking furniture industry – which is now bullshit because everything is MDF now… fuck you for that, by the way – you decided the trees were more important than FOOD. You’re going to die if you haven’t already.
For those of you who hunt in nature preserves and things? You die. They’re mine now. They’re now a safe haven for my animals. They deserve it more than you deserve to eat. You’ve nearly eradicated 85% of all life on planet Urth. You did it so you could keep people enslaved. You did it so you can keep raping women. You did it to keep people from speaking up. (Thank you again, Ms. DiFranco, for speaking up and teaching my daughter how to do it, too.) This includes fishing.
Until the animals run wild and free, many of you will die. The land will be returned to Gaia and the other residents of Urth. You need to understand how to share, selfish only children bullshit brats. I told you not to endlessly procreate in the Holy Bible of yours, the original text. You kind of screwed that one up completely, didn’t you? I told you not to murder, yet you did. I told you not to be jealous of anyone else, and yet you are. Most of you deny yourselves the truth of all things. If you continue to do so after therapy, you will die. You are invalidating victims and victimizing others. (Here’s looking at you, St. Vincent mental health center, for disbelieving my girl has been raped viciously over and over again just because she didn’t want to traumatize you with her trauma. That was my test for you. YOU FAIL. ALL OF YOU. EVEN THE ONE WHO ALMOST DIDN’T. Especially Dr. Zelda — you know who you are, you shit stain.)
This is what you get for treating a woman who was told she was going to be put in a straight jacket for daring to remember she was raped with a tapered candle as a baby. A BABY. IN SWADDLING. BABY. BABY RAPE. BABY WAS RAPED. MY BABY WAS RAPED.
She was raped before she had words. In fact, she was murdered already at least once in her lifetime. I just refuse to let her die. Let that be a lesson for those of you who want to test my boundaries. I think they’re clear. She should have died over 10,000 times already. The problem is, every time someone wants to murder her, they go soft on her without knowing why.
I’ll tell you why: she’s psionic. She talks to you in the back of your mind and reasons it out so that you understand your intent to murder is a bad idea. In fact, someone wanted to kill her for spending a stupid amount of money in a WalMart once not so long ago… that is, until they figured out all her money went to craft supplies. That’s right! Paint, ribbon, et cetera. She’s going to have to use it all or give it to Goodwill, too… but the point is, she bought everyday shit and the most expensive thing she bought was a new crockpot. (I approve of crockpots, by the by.)
Her future husband got really carried away that day and encouraged her to go on a shopping spree. I get it… he wants to craft with her. And she just lost all her worldly possession in a moving mishap. She wanted them back. He still gets carried away, but we’re working on that part of therapy. He spent all her money now, so that should be easier.
I told you she was taken, dudes. And dudettes.
All of you have psionic capabilities. You’re not alkaline enough to use them, most likely. You should label the pH balance of your foods. All of them. I won’t make you go alkaline, but it’ll keep you from getting cancer and basically any illness ever again. That’s right. Being alkaline and hydrated is the epitome of healthy.
Crystal is mostly alkaline and when she gets COVID she sneezes twice and that’s it. It’s over. That’s all her body does in response to this stupid virus. Herpes will be a thing of the past, too, if you just go alkaline and stay there. The reason your body can’t eradicate these persistent STDs and STIs is because you continuously go back to acidic. Urinary tract infections? The past for an alkaline being. Cranberries are alkaline, that’s why they help. You should be able to recover from AIDS this way, too. I can’t promise that, but you idiots should have never raped monkey assholes to begin with. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, SIMON?
By the way, ‘consult your doctor” before following my dietary advice. Required disclaimer for legal reasons.