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No Valentine Here

I’m not particularly emotional about Valentine’s Day, as I’ve never actually celebrated it with anyone. I’ve come to the conclusion that every person I’ve dated is, in short, a complete asshole and should be fired. With the empathy gun.

This is a day you can use to tell your woman she is special.

It’s a reminder to appreciate your significant other.

But do we? Well, some of us do, most of us don’t. “If I give her chocolates and roses, she might give me a blowjob soon.” As much as I like bartering, that’s… rape. Don’t do a fucking thing if you don’t want to, you cheap asshole rapist. A lady can take herself out for Valentine’s — and I hope she finds someone who will treat her better than you. And if you’re one of them fucking jerks who takes all that shit to her work place to drop it off, just so she can show off to all the other ladies how good her man is, know one thing:

We see right through you.

You’re buttering up your woman so you can fuck her that night.

Even if she’s livid at you for letting the cat out of the house last week, never to be seen again.

Even if she’s pissed you stepped out on her six months ago.

Even if she’s ready to kill you for over-spending yet again, Tyrelle.

Even if you failed her in an epically important moment recently.

All you can think about is how you want your cock inside her pussy and you know exactly how to get it there, don’t you? Give her all the fussy expensive things like a stuffed animal, a bunch of flowers that will die in a few days, a box of chocolates so she can fatten herself up while having buyer’s remorse for picking you out of the dozens of fools that would kill to be with her.

You only made her feel like a goddess so you can be made to felt like a god. For just a few hours.

Ladies, throw these bastards away. Your love is private. Dudes, you wanna do something romantic for your woman this Valentine’s or next? Put a fucking ring on your finger. Not hers. YOURS.


Even if you don’t go to court to make it official, put a wedding band on your finger and tell the entire world that you’re taken.

Because you know what? Chances are next week you’ll be balls deep in your secretary or your baby momma or the lady next door or a random streetwalker you bumped into. We know you cheat, lie, and steal. All of you. All of you who pretend you’re in it for the long haul. You don’t want the woman who agreed to be with you, no. You put her on all fours so you don’t have to see her face, so you can imagine another woman being underneath you while you do your animal thing. If she’s lucky, she gets off, as well, but most of you can’t last while you race yourself through the act, thinking about how hot it’d be to be with Angelina Jolie or whomever it is that boils your blood for you.

You lie into our beds, you cheat on us while you’re fucking us by thinking of anyone but us, and then you steal our resources and our souls. Then you do us all dirty by turning around and giving that which is sacred to a couple to someone completely different, potentially repeating the process all over again.

I hate humanity. I hope the destroyers are coming. Guess what I read today? Though the source is unreliable since it’s Fox News. I’ll try to find another… but I read about unidentified aircraft being found in the USA in various places.

Well, Reuters is about as credible as I can get. I worked for them once. Nice crew, for a time.

“It was the fourth flying object to be shot down over North America by a U.S. missile in a little more than a week. China’s foreign ministry said it had no information on the latest three flying objects shot down by the United States.”

You know what God told me? I bet you wanna know, all of a sudden, since you know, it might be something completely different than some fear monger insisting it’s a Chinese invasion. First, I’m going to tell you that God predicted there will be war on U.S. soil, however, we need to take this with a grain of salt because in his book, he’s already at war with the U.S.A. This has nothing to do with space invaders, Crystal, get to the fucking point!

Oh, right, so according to FOX NEWS, the object was OCTAGONAL in nature. There are no octagonal balloons I doth know of, but if you have something to disabuse me of news-wise, please do. I like to base everything on facts, not opinions. It is said that they’re not ruling out aliens, either, though I have to protest and tell you they prefer the nomenclature “SPACELINGS.”

God told me that I’m going to be the intergalactic envoy. I’m the only one they wish to speak with at all, but I’ve not heard them directly as of yet. I wonder why not, if they are indeed spacelings. They have an amazing telepathic range, for we’ve already spoken, I’m pretty darn sure, at least a dozen times.

But you know, just take everything I say and put a magnifying glass on it. Look for a trip-up or slip-up that makes me the enemy somehow. It’s what y’all do. I’ll take Ke$ha and skip town on a space craft any day.

Anyway, I asked God if we just think we hit their air craft and if they instead just decided to go under the lake to chill until further notice, and he said YES, THEY DID.

Here’s a beautiful intergalactic skyscape from the Reuters aliens article, by the by.

A cluster of young stars resembles an aerial burst, surrounded by clouds of interstellar gas and dust, in a nebula NGC 3603 located in the constellation Carina, in this image captured in August 2009 and December 2009. NASA/ESA/R. O’Connell/F. Paresce/E. Young/Ames Research Center/WFC3 Science Oversight Committee/Hubble Heritage Team/STScI/AURA/Handout via REUTERS.

It’s so pretty, y’all. It’s got tons of starbursts in a yellow color and then blue to lavender nebula clouds around it. Of course, there are other colors, as well, but that’s mainly what I see at first glance.

Another video about this crazy shit.

We spent nearly a million dollars to send two missiles at this mysterious octagonal craft — losing one of them completely without understanding where it went… and then we lost the thing we shot, supposedly, over Lake Huron, which has a maximum depth of 120 feet. This is easy to dive, but it’s so fucking cold right now.

From Fox News, I quote:

“The first Sidewinder heat-seeking missile missed the target,” one official said. 

“It wasn’t clear where the missile that missed ultimately landed. The second missile took down the target. Each of the missiles costs more than $400,000. “

None of the debris from the object has been found in the lake, Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin said Monday. The Defense Department, or DOD, said President Biden, just before 2:42 p.m., directed an F-16 to fire an AIM-9x missile to shoot down an airborne object flying at nearly 20,000 feet over Lake Huron.

How does a heat-seeking missile miss a target?

Also, if it’s just a balloon, how is it hot enough to attract a heat-seeking missile? I’m so confused. A question from another reader, named Derek Junior with a number, asks, “Question: how can an Aim-9x which is a heat seeker, lock on to a “balloon” at 20,000 feet? I wasn’t aware balloons generated heat in -12 degree air.”

Also, if we hit it, why is there no debris to find? If they scrambled a fucking fighter jet at this thing — and probably more than one, but only one or two got to make the shot — how is it that there’s no proof of it? Are we even sure the second missile hit? Or are we saving our asses, saying we took it down, when in reality, no such thing happened?

I am being reassured again by Sir God that this is SPACE CRAFT FROM OUTERSPACE. Not the other ones reported, just this one. It was described as octagonal with ropes or strings hanging down from it and nothing on the rope or strings.

I know why they’re here, I know why they’re here!!!!!

But you’re gonna have to ask me real nice like to find out why.

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