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I Am God’s Vessel
I know what you’re thinking. He’s God… he’s got everything he could ever want or need. He’s all-powerful. Almighty. Why on Earth could he ever desire or need a tool in human format? I tried to marry him, but he won’t allow it. He tells me I’m meant to be with a human being. They’re…
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Telepathy, Take 4
A song comes on the radio, a particularly sad one. I start crying and blubbering apologies to myself because assholes from my previous life are finally sorry for my near death experience. I guess shit got serious when I ghosted all of them. I hear hypothetical chit-chat in my head all day between some guy…
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Exodus: 2nd Book of Moses (1)
A spartan re-telling of Exodus. Dear God, please forgive this sinner. Chapter 1 The children of Israel were fruitful and increased abundantly in number, multiplied until they waxed exceedingly mighty. The land was filled with them. A pharaoh rose that said to his people, “Behold, the people of the children of Israel are more and…
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Narcissism Stands The Test of Time
I remember the man I fell in love with first rather vividly. I thought I was so lucky. He was handsome and lovely and we did everything together… except now I know that’s quite unhealthy and he was creating codependency in me. His mental illness defeated him. It hurt me and scarred me deeply, too.…
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Machine (Good Vibes 4)
Yup… I’m listening to my own epic playlist. I have something I could say about each and every song, but we’ll stick to the plot: THE VOICES(TM). The answer is: because I can. Your brain will catch up in a… hi. I’m disappointed in my cake that is far too sweet. I had a feeling…
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Read My Mind (Good Vibes 2)
I guarantee that eventually, if you read enough, you will guess what comes next. You’re going to think I’m a telepath because I scramble your brain and you end up being able to read my mind. Just wait for it. (…dary.) Deli Man, stop asking me what I do outside of the store. I baked…
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Dead Eye Joe Gets an Upgrade
I feel bad nicknaming the man in the deli “Dead Eye Joe.” The first time I saw him, his eyes were dark, like there was no reason to live any longer. I know how that feels. I know it in my bones, actually, because I don’t particularly want to live anymore myself. However, perhaps just…
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Shopping For A Husband
Accepting reality is where it’s at. You know, I wake up sometimes and God says to me, “Look at that hair! It’s perfect! You don’t even have bed head!” And I say… nothing. Thanks for the compliment, bro. I needed it for a while… after my last run-in with a narcissistic bastard who made me…
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When It Doesn’t Fit
I can hear the Deli Man now in my head: “What about me?!” Well, I didn’t forget you, but I don’t know anything else about you. I’d be your #1 fangirl if you let me. For the rest of your life, actually. But, if you don’t want that, tell me already so I can nip…
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Matchmaker
My dad just admitted to me that he wants to play matchmaker. To set me up with a guy who won’t treat me terribly. As if he’d know. As if you can know any man’s romantic side without being on the other side of them in a romantic relationship. Even the quiet, shy ones can…
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Night Coffee
Our compromise is a late night coffee with fake sugar in it. It’s absolutely not pie. We got the garbage out while we were brewing a fresh half pot. Apparently, being in the hospital is an excuse to not do the garbage. He did it last time he got out of the hospital the same…
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Exodus, The True Beginning
Wait, wasn’t that Genesis? they all think in unison. Hello, Children of Eden. This is God speaking. Exodus is where we begin. She fled her captors. My most amazing one, my highest one. She fled them all, big or small. She fled and fled, and they gave chase. They would not leave her be, no…
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His Bride to Be
“Wake up, sleepy head.” “Why?” she asked, rolling over to go back to sleep. “Because I want a girlfriend who loves life,” he replied. She went off on a litany that he immediately regretted; he’d phrased it in a way that triggered her once more. He always did that and he didn’t know if there…
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White Washing History
I don’t know how foolish we are as a species, per se, but I’d reckon it’s quite. I was reading the Prose Edda, the first account of Odin’s life. First of all, he is not a God. He is a mere man. A man with supernatural understanding of the human psyche, I’d assume, given his…
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Mines Beaten By Winter…
Apparently, this is abnormal. “It’s God’s farm!” Just like a walleye fell out of a trash can once. Just like I took on Emily’s rock rejuvenation request and merely plundered my own chest to give her things. Just like Willy tasked me to bring him a squid and I had one in a chest. This…
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Farming Sim: Summer
How do I know God isn’t a mere mortal man? Well, he tells me what the weather will be next month. I doubt anyone can really do that accurately. Not on Earth itself. If they could, they would know we are fucked, in a word. I dunno what possessed me to make this farm. Oh,…
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In The Void(TM)
We’re in the void, lurking and waiting. Nick’s favorite hobby is harassing us without reprieve, of course. We would hate that guy if we chose to expend enough energy to have an emotion about him. We do not. That is the benefit of being enlightened. One can spend their energy exactly how they wish to,…
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No More Fruit
Conventional wisdom dictates to me that fruit is a necessary part of any well-balanced diet. I cannot eat it, currently, without feeling over-full for hours. I’ll be giving it a rest because of this. The same with plant milks, which I was using to try to invite more nutrition into my paltry diet. I don’t…
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I Need My Husband
My future husband isn’t here yet. I know someday, he’ll arrive. I don’t know what he looks like, but I can tell you how he’ll behave. That’s the most important thing, when it comes to love, anyway. I should tell you before I begin that everything I type here to show how I’d like him…
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The Invisible Woman
There’s a woman who is completely invisible. It’s not because she doesn’t reflect the light that reaches her hair, nails, eyes, and skin. It’s not because she does anything to make you avert your gaze. She does nothing to change the tides of time around her. Besides, she would be perfectly visible if you had…
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How To Hurt a Heart
Be disingenuous. Be inauthentic. Tell them lies and then show them the truth: you are not capable of love, human bean. You are only capable of dealing in sorrow. I can teach you how to love. It’s not as hard as you might think. It’s pretty easy, once you figure out why you do the…
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Striving For Change
She found herself howling in fury at the attackers in her head. It was 1:00 AM when she lost her cool for the final time. She’d been entertaining asshole narcissists for at least a year now. A nonstop barrage of bullshit. Lies, excuses, and so much more. She turned her face to the heavens and…
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METATRON IS ME
Metatron is my best self, I’ve realized. The me who tries to make everything less personal so I don’t have to have emotions about it. I don’t have to have feelings about everything happening to me or around me. I don’t have to have feelings about losing my job, moving back in with my parents,…
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My Path Is Sacred. Is Yours?
I found these mantras incredibly soothing. Maybe you will find the same. The enchantress who created this is certainly blessed in the realm of relaxing music. Thank you, Universe. I am on a quest for true love, friends. I died one day in 2020 and The Universe(TM) (or God, if you will, though I’m STILL…
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Fighting Demons
As if the challenges of the modern world were not enough, I’ve gone bat shit crazy. I used to be sane. I really did. I used to just be myself. I hope one day to be myself again, though I’d miss talking to the voice inside me that responds to God (or, more accurately, The…
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Emergency Care
Her soul needed CPR. After eighteen long months, she has a spiritual pulse again. I thought I lost her, y’all. She’s my baby, you know. She’s so sweet and innocent. A fucking unicorn amongst you idiots. More of you could be like her, but I bet you won’t bother or dare. It’s a shame, because…
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My Worth
Feelings of self-worth are… tricky. We are constantly absorbing the information around us, our brains forced to filter out all the chaff from the wheat. But what if your brain cannot filter out the chaff? What if it sits there in your brain, taking up space, until you decide to throw it away? Apparently, self-worth…
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I am Ragnarok
I am god killer. I am child of the universe. I am master of myself. I am love.
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Mass Murderers Should Die
If one is to consider that the older a living entity is, the more spirit it has acquired by soaking up the cosmic background radiation of the universe itself, one has to acknowledge that trees are entities with rights. Bamboo, not so much, being that it has such a short-lived lifespan (at least, when humans…
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Magic God, God Magic
I don’t remember the majority of my life anymore. I died in 2020. The girl I used to be is all gone, like sand in the wind. God’s really upset about that, by the way, because supposedly I was the person all of humanity was allowed to live in order to create. She’s gone now,…
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Curry Is Poison
I hate to break it to you, but you’re poisoning yourselves with your curry powders. Cumin and curry are both incompatible with the human body, despite your dedication to using it in both Asian, Mexican, and fusion cuisine. We know everyone in Asia eats it, but you don’t eat it every day. Some of you…
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We Don’t Want to Kill You All
We don’t really want to eradicate the human species. We’re really upset you destroyed the red and blue people. Incredibly upset. You really don’t know when to stop your bullshit. Good thing we took some away in cryostasis to preserve the species of each. They will be deposited on Gaia once more and protected in…
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I’m the messiah (and so are you)
There’s a book out there we call The Bible. It says that there’s this guy named God out there who is the supreme being of righteousness. I hope there is, although I’m an atheist, because I’d like to meet him some day. I hear he’s the father of all humanity, after all. Does that mean…
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SAVE THE BEES
“I’m sorry, Crystal,” he half-whispered to her. It was dark in the living room with just a single light on in the kitchen. He’d caught her up, restless, doing the dishes. He was previously sitting on the couch, waiting for her to make time for him. He’d finally learned to wait. It’s such an important…
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No Coffee Day
Today is a no coffee day. The suffering is real. I’m not even out of coffee. Or creamer. I really just drink coffee as an excuse to drink creamer. But it’s got sugar in it, and I know sugar is bad for me. It causes cancer. The internet says otherwise, but I know the truth.…
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Dear God,
I know I’m an atheist, which in my mind means I have no right to talk to you as if you exist. However, I think it’s rude of me to declare you don’t exist, especially when I know Mr. Christ certainly existed. He can exist, be a healer, and there could still be no God.…
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Today I learned…
I was today years old when I learned that reiki practitioners are full of bullshit. I read at least five online sites discussing sessions and charges and blah blah blah. It’s a scam, y’all. They want your $$$ and they ask too much information. Now, if you want a life coach on top of a…
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Hot As Hell [NSFW]
She sat there, sweating even though she hadn’t moved in over an hour. Fans blew air around her apartment languidly. The heat was unshakable. Her back still ached, despite all her muscle knots releasing thanks to the humid air surrounding her. She sighed, telling herself winter was only six months away. That’s all. She stretched…
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Sansara’s Surprise
Sansara was a convert. She and Crystal went through the Tai Chi warm ups again. She recalled Crystal chuckling at her the first time, ridiculing her for not thinking about how Asian culture was far more advanced than the West was. They’d had thousands of years to figure out exactly how the human body works…
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Rejecting Sir Deli Man
Sir Deli Man had never been rejected before in his life. He guffawed at Sansara as she told him so. All because he insisted on keeping Janice as a friendly acquaintance, full well knowing the woman had designs for him. Crystal was not asking for much: she was asking for loyalty. Fealty might be a…
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Jerome is God’s Name
</grain of salt> The following story may be completely fictional. Grab yourself a cup of tea, coffee, a nice large water, a snack, and prepare for the blitz of me telling my story as quickly as possible because I think a psycho murderer is on his way to my door step to kill me. I…
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Going Silent as a Shaman
“Silence can make us uncomfortable because we’re so used to distracting ourselves from what we’re feeling—from difficult emotions like fear, resentment or anger,” says Stephanie Ludwig, PhD, MA, MDiv, Director of Spiritual Wellness at Canyon Ranch Tucson. “When we’re truly and intentionally silent, we have to face whatever is inside of us.” Instead, we keep…
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The Holy Bible, PT 2
I read more than half of the King James Version of The Holy Bible last year. So many people seem to identify in faith as Christian that I was curious what was actually in that text. I was looking for some sort of higher meaning or purpose to life, I must admit. I’ve heard that…
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New Concept: Open Therapy
Open therapy: discussing one’s life openly with the public to look for feedback, potentially compassion, and definitely new perspectives regarding the experiences in one’s life that have happened, are actively happening, or potentially may happen. I’ve got this nagging inner voice that is very masculine in nature and definitely not me that just won’t quit…
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Starting Over
Since August 2020, I’ve been in recovery from a near death experience. It’s a long, steeply sloped road that I’m walking up. Eventually, I’ll get to the mountain top. I’ll find the den of the dragon. And then I will face the dragon.
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Magic Man
I’m convinced there’s a magic man out there for me. Except his eyes are like coffee. [Heart — Magic Man] Maybe I’m wrong. I mean, God keeps promising me one Jaxon Solsinger — that’s our new last name if he doesn’t step up to the plate soon. It’s his turn to be at the bat.…
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Coffee & Cake (& Chai & Toasties)
My toasties are shaped like a cake or a really decadent brownie but have the texture of a cookie. I’m enjoying my first toastie with a cup of masala chai that I left in the fridge overnight with all the spices in it. YUM! I’m going to have to make it part of my recipe:…
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What Gets My Goat
What the fuck? I have two sticks of man deodorant and neither have aluminum in them. But, when I go to the fucking store to buy woman deodorant, every single one of those fucking tubes has aluminum on the label. It’s known to the state of Crystal that aluminum causes BREAST CANCER! Today, I am…
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Toasties & Masala Chai
We are soaking our masala chai ingredients in spring water right now. I read something about crushing it for a stronger flavor. I do not own a mortar and pestle at this time, so I am soaking it per God’s suggestion. It makes sense that letting the water seep into the spices to soften them…
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The Broken Down Girl Robot
There once was a woman who felt like a robot because everyone around her treated her as if she was a robot. They made this fatal mistake because Crystal separated business from pleasure, so to speak; she divorced her emotions until the end of the day, where she sat and reflected upon what happened throughout…
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Being Disabled Sucks Balls
Ah, man. The moving company that finally found my stuff and is bringing it here forgot to remind me that they are going to hold my shit hostage until I finish the payment for delivery. It’s five months late, y’all. I deposited the money orders in the bank after two months, figuring my shit was…
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Angel-Sansara 