• You Poisoned MY CHILD

    All of you motherfuckers adding fillers to food, you die. It is poison and you know it. You will all die, no matter if you reform or not. You have mass poisoned America and beyond. You’re guilty. You did it on purpose. You did it to make sure you all could keep minimum wage as […]

  • The Girl is Taken

    Since you undoubtedly believe she’s something special by now (yeah, I already know you’re going to read out of order because later I’m going to type up how God raped Crystal), know this: She’s taken. She’s betrothed to The Mountain Dragon Man, who is NOT Nicholas Forsythe, despite everything he thinks he is. Nicholas, you […]

  • God is Mad, Bro

    You’re damn right, I’m mad. I’m livid. I’m beyond angry. You stupid pricks have yet to learn to live with the native creatures of any planet. Thank fuck I took the pains to collect the six trillion seeds and genetic samples of all the creatures of “Earth.” You destroyed them all, just about. Now you […]

  • I’m the messiah (and so are you)

    There’s a book out there we call The Bible. It says that there’s this guy named God out there who is the supreme being of righteousness. I hope there is, although I’m an atheist, because I’d like to meet him some day. I hear he’s the father of all humanity, after all. Does that mean […]

  • Vegetable Chowder

    Ingredients: 1 turnip 1 head of broccoli 1 small onion 1 carrot (optional) 1/2 head cauliflower 4 cups unsweetened ‘milk’ 2 stick ‘butter’ 1/4 cup cassava flour 1/4 tsp white pepper, optional salt to taste Method: Wash and dice turnip. (Peel, if desired.) Dice onion. Cut broccoli and cauliflower into bite-sized pieces. Slice carrot, if […]

  • Non-dairy Vanilla Yogurt

    Ingredients: pinch sea salt 2 cups cashews 2 cups purified water (to boil) 1.5 cups spring water 1 tsp vanilla. 1 tbs Farmhouse Culture Ginger Beet Gut Shot, if available Method: Boil purified water. Enough to cover cashews – approximately 2 cups. Cover cashews with boiling water. After 10 minutes, drain cashews. Combine cashews, spring […]

  • Detox Berry Bowl

    Ingredients: 0.25 cup fresh blueberries 0.25 cup fresh blackberries 0.25 cup fresh raspberries 2.00 tbs cilantro 2.00 tbs spring water Method: Chop cilantro fine (or use dried.) Combine cilantro and spring water in the bottom of a mixing bowl. Allow cilantro to re-hydrate for 2 minutes, if dry. Add all berries to the mixing bowl […]

  • Dear Demetrius,

    It seems I have known you longer than I expected. I thought I’d never seen you before that September day. I never looked at anything but food most shopping trips. Fortunately, I had a friend helping me out psychically. God, I do suppose. She said, “Hey, stand right here and look at these sandwiches.” I […]

  • Sauteed Cran-Apple & Cashew Mix

    Ingredients: 1 apple, washed 1/2 cup cranberries, washed 1/2 cup raw cashews, chopped 1/2 stick ‘butter’ 1/2 tsp allspice, optional Method: Core & chop the apple. Preheat skillet on gas mark 5/medium heat for 2 minutes. Add 1/2 stick non-dairy butter. Once the butter melts, add 1/2 tsp allspice, if using. Place cranberries and apple […]

  • Demetrius and True Love

    Demetrius stood still, transfixed by the beautiful woman in front of him. She was a unicorn, if there was ever a unicorn shape shifted into a female human. Just like in The Last Unicorn. He wondered if she’d ever seen that movie. She was staring at him, but he had no idea why. He just […]

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