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Category: psychology

  • Where the Wind Blows

    “Are you sure there’s no way you’d take Nick back and marry him?” Nick asked, imitating God’s voice.“Nick asked desperately,” God added.“My hidden treasure is next to the virgin sacrifice at the bottom of the volcano. Please retrieve it and I will then, indeed, marry thee!” Crystal declared in a baby-like voice. God had fun […]

  • My Primordial Stench

    I am marinating in my mild body odor, sitting here while I contemplate all that is, was, and ever will be. I’m not yet offensive in my own eyes, so it’s neither here nor there that I haven’t taken a shower yet. It’s 2:45 in the afternoon and I know I must wash myself and […]

  • Need More Input!

    Johnny 5 is alive. “God?” she asked timidly. “Yes?” he replied, waiting for whatever was going to follow next. “I know the big bang was caused by a spark… but what caused the spark?” she pondered aloud. “Oh, that’s embarrassing,” God replied. She asked suddenly, offering the most embarrassing thing she could think of in […]

  • You Make Me Crazy

    “Crystal, what are you going to do if you’re not the messiah?” Nick asked casually last night. “Go on SSI. It’s obvious I’ve lost my fucking mind.” “What are you going to do if you are the messiah?” Ben queried next. “Go on SSI. It’s as humble as you can get, n’est-ce pas?“ … She […]

  • How To Accept A Real Woman

    Or a real man. Let’s face it, anyone can fantasize. It goes both ways. Fantasy is the #1 relationship killer on planet Urth. I’d say women were better at not doing it than men, but I’ve known too many women who openly drool over football uniforms and the like. (Is your princess into pigskin, too? […]

  • Know Your Rights

    You have the right to remain silent. Whatever you say can and will be used against you [in a court of law.] It’ll be used against you whether you are in a legal situation or not, I’ve come to find out. Anything I choose to impart on another individual seems to be willfully misinterpreted and […]

  • Wolf & Rabbit

    Wolf was traipsing through familiar territory. His territory, actually. It was his home and he had every right to be there, whether he was on the prowl or not. Many creatures, both big and small, ran through his neck of the woods. He spied Rabbit, a mesmerizing creature he’d seen many a time before in […]

  • Anthem for the White Woman

    Helloween is here, my friends. Short, short skirts and low cut tops and bare arms. All when it’s about the right temperature to make my nipples hard enough to cut glass. I’d rather be warm, but I guarantee that every party will be full of women dressed as sluts because that’s what’s really scary, these […]

  • Whore, Grief, Courtship

    “Where is that whore,” he said, his voice laden with scorn. I heard this in my head today. Whore is not a word I’d typically use, though I know the meaning. SYNONYMS: strumpet, hustler, slut, tramp, escort, harlot, hooker, pro, prostitute, streetwalker, call girl, fallen woman, lady of the evening, working girl. Sex worker. Have […]

  • Dear Grocery Girl,

    It’s only been three days since we’ve made eye contact, but I miss you. I know I’ve never said hello or even told you my name, but I want to resolve that. I want to sweep you off your feet and make you my wife forever and ever, really, but I understand there are a […]