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Angel-Sansara

Category: newest testament

  • I’m a Psychopath

    I have been living Groundhog Day for over 18 months. It’s the same story, different day. In perpetuity. I have no idea what will break me free from this. I am imprisoned, unable to move forward with my life. I do not have grief, as one might imagine, no. I do not even have frustration…

  • Gilgamesh and Inanna

    He couldn’t have her and it hurt his pride. He had her once, taking her to bed on a daily basis and having his way with her as he pleased. It lasted for years as he preyed upon her, taking every last shred of her dignity away. His gaze kept wandering to everything but her,…

  • Espresso Psycho

    Here I am, making my morning espresso… (It conserves water and that’s important, you know…) and I suddenly have the realization that when the life or death of another human being is put into someone else’s hands, a real human being will step back to let nature run its course instead. This should extrapolate to…

  • I need somebody to love.(TM)

    As you might know, “I need somebody to love” is a line from Queen. I love Freddie Mercury in all his messed up show pony glory. I even have a Freddie hat, as I call it, encrusted with enormous bling. I’m not gay, but I could see how people would assume I am. I also…

  • Is It Real?

    Day after day, I hear things in my brain. All day, every day. Sometimes, they sound like they are directed at me and others are more like echoes of the deep past. I’m not actively thinking about anything in particular. I am waiting for God to return to me, to step into me and feed…

  • Alkaline is Divine

    Still struggling to feel amazing every day? Started drinking that mineral water yet? It’s a big, big help in my world. Huge. It brought my brain back online, but it wasn’t the silver bullet of health like I’d hoped for. Not with my father continuously poisoning me with dairy, anyway. As someone with an allergy…

  • Basic Human Diet

    MEAT. ON THE FUCKING BONE. WITH THE SKIN ON. Slow roasted to tender perfection so that your brain and body light up like a Christmas tree as you chew it. That’s how you give thanks to the animal that sacrificed its life for you. MINERAL WATER. Purified water is medicine meant to leech out toxins…

  • Back to Basics

    What are the building blocks of life? List Me, Crystal! 22 Amino Acids [Source: National Library of Medicine] Vitamins [Source: National Library of Medicine] Minerals (Electrolytes & Microminerals) [Source: National Library of Medicine] Macronutrients. According to a diet and weight loss expert (an actual BUFF boy rather than a fat ass doctor telling you to…

  • Killing Candida

    I have a minor headache. I have created some oregano oil. I am not a Barbie doll. I bought a live oregano plant from the grocery store and pinched off two thirds of the plant. I placed these Why is she talking about Barbie dolls? in soybean oil to marinate, essentially. This is medicine to…

  • I Am Job.

    As in that Bible dude that gets shat on by an angel so hard that nobody really thinks about how heinous the “angel” is that decides to put him through these trivial trials. Forcing the poor man into retirement with very little to sustain himself and then beating him up verbally, trying to project one’s…

  • Subduing Another is Rape

    I know, I know. I’m bandying around the word rape like it has little to no meaning. It’s a fancy word focusing on crossing boundaries with force, but it can also be done with coercion, deceit, and so on. (What do you think a sinner really is? A person who employs underhanded tactics to try…

  • Re-roll?!

    “What does it mean?” they say together with a speech impediment, sounding cutesy and dorky at the same time. Indeed, what does it mean? Obviously you’ve never played a tabletop role-playing game if you need an explanation. When your character dies (usually from making a grandiose mistake, but sometimes simply from terrible combat rolls), one…

  • God’s Admonishment

    Well, are you happy with yourselves, Earthlings? You’re so advanced that the state of a woman’s apparel in the grocery store is more important than the bees going extinct. You just go about your day as usual… mowing your lawns to Obey and Comply, mindless. Wasting precious gasoline just so that snakes and mice have…

  • Are You Afraid?

    Are you afraid of acknowledging that you’re a flawed and imperfect being? God’s NOT! I, God, Lord of the Universe, am FLAWED. Thus, SO ARE YOU. Now get off your high horse and start scrubbing the floor. THE SEA FLOOR. YOU MOTHERFUCKERS RUINED MY OCEANS. Go on. What are you waiting for?

  • Mushrooms & Espresso

    I’m still waiting on that espresso, she notes with a little sadness. I like hot drinks when I’m cold, so I’ve gone and made myself some hot water for steeping herbal tea. Two pots of espresso is enough caffeine in a day. It’s either four or six shots of strong coffee, which is the only…

  • Unwind.

    How do you unwind after a demanding day? That’s today’s prompt from WordPress. I’m sitting here thinking that I don’t have a ritual. Are rituals supposed to be comforting? All they do is encourage brain death. Allowing life to be entirely comprised of rituals — SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT DAY — makes life boring, for one…

  • Mace to the Face

    Cause and effect! Effect: I smash you to smithereens.Cause: You lie to me and distort my reality until I realize you’re lying to me because I give everyone the benefit of the doubt.Effect: I start distrusting humanity.Effect: Humanity acts the same as it always does.Cause: Give humans benefit of the doubt.Effect: Humanity cries and steps…

  • “Hurry up and save me already.”

    That’s what HE said! The Deli Man, of course, inside my brain pan. As I sit with a marvelous and loving furball curled up on my lap, resting her head on my left hand. It’s a rainy day and my daughter is seeking comfort in my warmth. I have to put my children first, naturally.…

  • More Sadness Than You Can Shake a Stick At

    I’m wavering between suicidal and homicidal again, which tells me someone is thinking about me way too hard. MR. CARTER, CEASE AND DESIST BEFORE I SEND YOU A “GIFT.” Or is it MR. FORSYTHE?! She about-faces and marches off into a corner of her mind. So back on topic… I never dated any of my…

  • We Can Never Be Awesome Again

    As you might have noted, I’m quite fond of the 18 (or was it 22?) month Robotech campaign I was part of… but it can never happen again for one simple reason: the G.M. ran into the wall of amorality. It’s sort of swept under the rug because people put up with it. This behavior…

  • The Psycho is Driving Here

    God warned me multiple times that the insane asshole in my head was going to drive to where I live in the middle of April. He’s on his way right now. About 2:00 AM he will be driving around my house, looking for proof of my existence. He will drive around the address Google feeds…

  • Death to Psychopathy

    As I sit in my bedroom contemplating changing my name in an attempt to disappear from someone who simply will not leave me be, it occurs to me that everyone in witness protection is facing this. It is wrong to force perfectly innocent and kind people to be someone else just because some assholes don’t…

  • Story Telling(TM)

    I’ve played a wide variety of role-playing games. The table top variety. I haven’t played them all, but at a certain point it ceases to amaze me that someone else has put together shitty game mechanics and rules to simulate real life to some degree in some universe that never existed. So, let’s talk about…

  • Multi-tasking

    Today I am gaining favor with my she-dragon named Banshee. She kind of looks like this: She’s on my lap obtaining heat and soaking up my vibrational life energy, giving some back in the form of purring. I call her a dragon because 90 pound dogs are afraid of her and she’s all of 7…

  • Tell Me More About Rifts!

    Everything epic has a disclaimer, am I right? Here are some interesting things you can be in the Rifts futuristic Earth setting (IN AMERICA, SPECIFICALLY.) You can be a giant mecha with a gun so big you have to dig pylons into the ground just to fire the gun without falling over. Keep in mind…

  • Why is she such a bitch G.M.?

    First, for anyone who isn’t already encumbered in the table-top role-playing style, a “G.M.” is a game master. It’s the person who controls the world you are interacting with so that your gaming group can weave a story together. A story of untold peril, bravery, and so forth! It’s really hard to build a story…

  • The Final Battle Approaches

    It is time to unleash the kraken, so to speak. Maybe I should liken it more to the Terror of the Deep. Yes, I’m a gamer. How else would I win the game? Learn thy monsters. Learn them fast! Also, learn that weaponry means nothing here when there are spacelings floating around invisibly in the…

  • Get Rid of It All

    I know the game now. The game is: destroy everything. Destroy her life, her livelihood, her ability to accomplish anything and everything. Destroy her happiness, her well-being, her health, her sanity, her support animals, her family, and make her homeless, to boot. He wants to take absolutely 1000% of everything from her, leaving her lower…

  • Battling Satan

    I wasn’t told all the rules until lately, it would seem. I’m locked in a death match right now. What is Satan’s perspective, you might wonder? Or you might not… I’ll tell you anyway: EMPATHY.

  • Wanting Telepathy is Narcissistic

    I saw a way to give all of humanity the ability to speak mind to mind. It was a long time ago on a cold wintry evening. It was Christmas, actually. It involves knowing we are already telepathic and we are already interconnected. To Everything(TM). The bottle of booze upstairs, the bottle of water next…

  • Eoster Sunday Blues

    It’s funny how the Catholic church stole a bunch of holidays from the heathens, innit? He’s daydreaming about you again, girl. From the store! And off they went, to said market place. But he was not there. None of them were; they all had the day off. Well, that’s certainly cushy. Why don’t the cashiers…

  • Odin’s Story 3

    You might be wondering why you should care about the girl I care about. I don’t really give a shit about your issues preventing you from seeing reality as it is; I’ve already told you why you should care. You’re just not listening. Since your mental faculties have waned to the point where inference is…

  • A Broken Heart Isn’t Enough

    As I sit and do research for my next class offering on Udemy (well, my first, perhaps… I have six or seven in progress all at once. A.D.D. for the win!) I have no choice but to hear constant bull shit in my head as my ex, the rapist that he is, tries to combine…

  • Book 3, Take 3

    [God] sent down the Law (of Moses) and the Gospel (of Jesus) for a guidance to mankind; and hath revealed the Criterion (of right and wrong).  3:145, “We shall reward the thankful.”3:150, “Allah is your Protector, and He is the Best of Helpers.”3:152, “Allah is a Lord of Kindness to believers.”3:155, “Those of you who…

  • Collision

    I can hear multiple people thinking about me all at once. One of them is angry at me. “I’ll get you, my pretty!” (except he used my name, of course.) Oh, will you now, ex and rapist motherfucker that you are? I don’t think so! I changed my name. Good luck finding me in the…

  • Your Nose Ring Was Crooked

    We barely noticed, to be honest. We were checking out your sleeve instead. (And the rest of you.) Hubba hubba, says the fat girl, and moves along in her lane of loneliness. You know, that’s probably what pains me most about humanity, God posits. I gift you this ethereally beautiful woman and you somehow made…

  • Dirt Poor

    Some might say I’ve led an extraordinary life. In fact, you might say it, when I’m done speaking today. I hope you learn the lessons in what I’m going to tell you, because you can replicate my unusual success story easily with a little code cracking. God tells me I am the code cracker, but…

  • What is He Thinking?

    Oh man, I love talking to this girl. She’s so warm and friendly. I think she likes me, so I hang around every break I can to talk to her. She makes me feel good about life again. I wish I wasn’t too shy to ask her out on a date. I should practice just…

  • What is She Thinking? Take 2

    Wow, I can’t believe how this idiot just comes back every day we’re on shift together, chatting up a storm. As if I’m really into Game of Thrones. I just watch it so I can relate to all my girlfriends. This is useful to me because my day goes by faster the more I stop…

  • What is an I.N.T.J.? (Part 1)

    If you would like to take the Myers-Briggs personality test, click here. (I have no idea if that site is phone savvy, sorry.) There are sixteen personality types. Every human being fits into one of these categories. Except, apparently, my ex-rapist. According to him, he came out an “XXXX” or some bullshit, which isn’t even…

  • A Long Tradition

    I was writing my erotica novel rather diligently yesterday and the day before. I have six chapters thus far, one of which I want to delete and all of which I want to redo. I have broken all the mores (that’s a psychological term that should be pronounced more-aze) of humanity, diving right into taboo…

  • Embracing Dissociation

    Unfortunately, after I created my dual identity as Dominatrix Barbie / Self, I was unhappy. Everyone I ever knew (aside from the Networking 101 guy) basically made me cry. Maybe Networking guy just didn’t have the right opportunity for it. See me making an excuse to distance myself from feeling anything for him? SEE IT?!…

  • Trauma Can Be Prevented

    His eyes never sparkled when he looked at me, not until I nearly wasted away, shedding over 80 pounds. Not once did he look at me like I was the hottest thing on planet Earth, not unless I was acting out, stretching myself to get his attention. Going above and beyond. This should not be…

  • Unlearning

    I ask innocent questions that others assume the answer to because my assumptions always seem to be off-base. “Why do you rinse your plates before eating?” I asked my friend Mohammed. He explained it is because bugs could have gone over them since they were washed. In fact, they are very strict in his household…

  • Turkey Day Reprise

    GOD hijacks me again while I’m trying to explain psychological concepts and that Armageddon has arrived.

  • Inhaling Pizza

    Well, I nearly killed myself inhaling pizza for dinner. I’m sorry, I should say pixxa, since pizza requires tomato sauce to be called that. That means every Buffalo Chicken pixxa you’ve ever had was advertised incorrectly. I find myself ruminating on my ex-classmate from technical school. The one from Networking 101. I have no idea…

  • Book Three, Take Two

    Mankind believes it deserves women and sons, hoards of gold and silver, branded horses, a wealth of cattle, and well-tilled land. None of these bring one nearer to Allah, however. Men who do not hoard, who are steadfast, truthful, and obedient, men who pray for pardon at night, that show patience, firmness, and self-control, true…

  • Vows

    Did you ever vow to do something and find out that it’s not exactly what you thought you were meaning? Have you ever decided that a vow to ignore something good for you is a hindrance to your development? Vows are promises we make with strong conviction, lifetime after lifetime. For instance, I vow never…

  • Glamour.

    “The only thing that could make me happier right now is some weed,” she heard as she came to a stop at a stop light traveling southbound on the main arterial roadway of the city. Moments later, she could smell cannabis. She was alone in her car, en route to the grocery store for her…

  • I’ll rewrite the Bible again, she said.

    She was mad at Nick again. That bastard! He kept misleading her, trying to make her into a grand fool, just like he’d done to himself over a decade ago. He told her he would never date an American again. He changed his mind about her, specifically, without ever saying so. So now? Now he…

  • Absolute Insanity.

    The boy stopped looking at me, and yet, at random intervals all day I see his face in my mind’s eye. I am totally focused on nothing but sorting out my podcasts and there he is… and I’m not even reading entries that feature him. I’m reading the ones God wrote as I publish. In…

  • Remembering Annoyance

    Lately, Sir Deli Man has not wanted to share eye contact. I have great doubts due to this. The other day, we did something stupid: we stood in front of the alcoholic beverage display and purchased a six pack of hard cider and Smirnoff products. Why? All because he was in the soup and salad…

  • French Kissing.

    There really aren’t too many kinds of kissing, when one really thinks about it. But we have a ton of words for it, wouldn’t you know? Smooch. Peck. Smackeroo. Snog. Necking. Air-kiss. Blow a kiss. Butterfly kiss. Eskimo kiss. Osculate or osculum — “little mouth.” A quick kiss. A tap kiss. A nose kiss. A…

  • “I killed her!” she cried.

    I hate being psychic and knowing more than I ought to. I have a heavy heart today. I tried to tell my friend she’s being raped by her husband. Her defense? He’s my husband. I wanted it. She told me she had sex for hours last night. I was thinking about how I was on…

  • Intense Cravings…

    For some reason, tonight I wanted nothing other than an Italian cheese bread from Little Caesar’s. Unfortunately, the location near my home no longer exists. There are no pizza places within a mile or two anymore… Not that it’d matter. Little Caesar’s is the pizza place for me and has been for my entire life…

  • Keto Done Right…

    Hello! My name is Sansara Solsinger and I am the messiah of the 21st century! I am so pleased to make your acquaintance! Today’s test kitchen/laboratory experiment is a partial flop. On one hand, I made keto angel food cake. On the other hand, both my berry compote and my keto bread leave something to…

  • Exhaustion is me.

    I’m incredibly tired this evening. I ran out of soy milk (unsweetened), which is what I use in the place of dairy creamer these days. It is the only sugar-free dairy-free “creamer” I can get my hands on. The idea of being sugar free with a dairy allergy seems to be a niche market nobody…

  • Anger in a Man’s World

    As a woman, it is un-ladylike to show my disdain or my anger to the world. I am meant to sit by placidly while my boundaries are traversed by rapists who care not for my well-being. I am meant to be seen, not heard. I am meant to be silenced. Whenever I say something someone…

  • Self-Loathing

    A low frequency vibration, also known as shame. He remembered it all over again. Yesterday, he was standing behind the cheese display, talking to his coworker who was working the cheese display. He caught her eye as she meandered down the aisle toward him before making a sharp left, changing every pattern he’d ever discerned,…

  • New Year, New You

    “Let’s have a coffee chat,” God suggests. Crystal screams, “NO! You bastard! I have something much more important to write.” It’s a great time to make some resolutions to be a better person. I think the majority of Americans are making a resolution to lose weight right now, and they will shame themselves in about…

  • I have seen Satan!

    “I have seen Satan!” she declared suddenly. God had just called someone that. You have to understand that in God’s world, Satan is a title. Just like God is a title. Well, in God’s case, it’s also her name. God smiled down at her child as she continued to speak. “He’s a short man who…