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Angel-Sansara

Category: lesson learned

  • Rainy Day/Late for Work

    Public Service Announcement: Your life is worth more than your job. When it is rainy or snowy A.F., remember that it takes friction to stop a moving vehicle, which means that it takes longer to come to a full stop. Therefore, you should observe the speed limit or travel the speed at which you feel…

  • The Way

    To encapsulate Tao appropriately, there are two Japanese concepts: yin, yang. Yin is a distinctly feminine energy, the embodiment of water.Yang is a distinctly masculine energy, the embodiment of fire.These are the two things that create action and reaction. Fire, water.These things play out over the face of the Earth, under the open Air.They are…

  • Work Smarter, Not Harder (2)

    I totally meant to say in the last entry that I started off removing backgrounds from pictures during my adventures in Jasc Paint Shop Pro with the GIF animator software that my father had pirated way back in the 90s. I was doing it on a very small scale for the longest time, but as…

  • Alkaline is Divine

    Still struggling to feel amazing every day? Started drinking that mineral water yet? It’s a big, big help in my world. Huge. It brought my brain back online, but it wasn’t the silver bullet of health like I’d hoped for. Not with my father continuously poisoning me with dairy, anyway. As someone with an allergy…

  • The Psycho is Driving Here

    God warned me multiple times that the insane asshole in my head was going to drive to where I live in the middle of April. He’s on his way right now. About 2:00 AM he will be driving around my house, looking for proof of my existence. He will drive around the address Google feeds…

  • A Broken Heart Isn’t Enough

    As I sit and do research for my next class offering on Udemy (well, my first, perhaps… I have six or seven in progress all at once. A.D.D. for the win!) I have no choice but to hear constant bull shit in my head as my ex, the rapist that he is, tries to combine…

  • Dirt Poor

    Some might say I’ve led an extraordinary life. In fact, you might say it, when I’m done speaking today. I hope you learn the lessons in what I’m going to tell you, because you can replicate my unusual success story easily with a little code cracking. God tells me I am the code cracker, but…

  • School Daze

    What is right? What is wrong? Psychology 101. Beautiful bartenders and true love. Ani DiFranco saves the savior of mankind. How to break bad habits. Bell peppers aren’t food. How observing reality is misinterpreted.

  • Unlearning

    I ask innocent questions that others assume the answer to because my assumptions always seem to be off-base. “Why do you rinse your plates before eating?” I asked my friend Mohammed. He explained it is because bugs could have gone over them since they were washed. In fact, they are very strict in his household…

  • Turkey Day Reprise

    GOD hijacks me again while I’m trying to explain psychological concepts and that Armageddon has arrived.

  • I don’t want to be used and abused again.

    For days now, I’ve been receiving spiritual or telepathic transmissions from a man I once knew a long, long time ago. As if I can trust that said man a) remembers me, b) gives a shit I existed in the present, c) is free since we all know all men are taken. By Angelina Jolie,…

  • Learning with Dr. Epps

    I was listening to this free course, which doesn’t have the absolute best audio capture in the world, but it has some great wisdom. Dr. Henry Epps is a grand master of Usui reiki who has diversified into Shambala reiki, Ascension Process of the Ascetic Masters, Seven Pearl, Kundalini, and is chasing a doctorate in…

  • Vows

    Did you ever vow to do something and find out that it’s not exactly what you thought you were meaning? Have you ever decided that a vow to ignore something good for you is a hindrance to your development? Vows are promises we make with strong conviction, lifetime after lifetime. For instance, I vow never…

  • Tired AF/POISONED!

    Preface: It was a lovely tasting steak. Recipe for happy cats: home grown catnip dried upside down in a paper bag. I let go of all expectations. I set my soul free. Reality is the truth, the truth is reality. I am capable of seeing only reality, without interjecting my bull shit to fill in…

  • Absolute Insanity.

    The boy stopped looking at me, and yet, at random intervals all day I see his face in my mind’s eye. I am totally focused on nothing but sorting out my podcasts and there he is… and I’m not even reading entries that feature him. I’m reading the ones God wrote as I publish. In…

  • Remembering Annoyance

    Lately, Sir Deli Man has not wanted to share eye contact. I have great doubts due to this. The other day, we did something stupid: we stood in front of the alcoholic beverage display and purchased a six pack of hard cider and Smirnoff products. Why? All because he was in the soup and salad…

  • Deadbeat Daughter

    First observation: I shoulda kept up with the podcasts. Now I have regrets, doing them all at once. Also they’re out of order now, but I don’t really care about that. There are a bunch missing thanks to people helping me delete them. People who have ulterior motives and wish to stay hidden. (HINT: BEN…

  • French Kissing.

    There really aren’t too many kinds of kissing, when one really thinks about it. But we have a ton of words for it, wouldn’t you know? Smooch. Peck. Smackeroo. Snog. Necking. Air-kiss. Blow a kiss. Butterfly kiss. Eskimo kiss. Osculate or osculum — “little mouth.” A quick kiss. A tap kiss. A nose kiss. A…

  • Intense Cravings…

    For some reason, tonight I wanted nothing other than an Italian cheese bread from Little Caesar’s. Unfortunately, the location near my home no longer exists. There are no pizza places within a mile or two anymore… Not that it’d matter. Little Caesar’s is the pizza place for me and has been for my entire life…

  • Exhaustion is me.

    I’m incredibly tired this evening. I ran out of soy milk (unsweetened), which is what I use in the place of dairy creamer these days. It is the only sugar-free dairy-free “creamer” I can get my hands on. The idea of being sugar free with a dairy allergy seems to be a niche market nobody…

  • Anger in a Man’s World

    As a woman, it is un-ladylike to show my disdain or my anger to the world. I am meant to sit by placidly while my boundaries are traversed by rapists who care not for my well-being. I am meant to be seen, not heard. I am meant to be silenced. Whenever I say something someone…

  • Self-Loathing

    A low frequency vibration, also known as shame. He remembered it all over again. Yesterday, he was standing behind the cheese display, talking to his coworker who was working the cheese display. He caught her eye as she meandered down the aisle toward him before making a sharp left, changing every pattern he’d ever discerned,…

  • God’s Promise, Part One

    “Well, Nick, you finally did it. You made her fall in love with a man in a grocery deli. Congratulations! You lose the girl!!!!!” God declared, happy to finally move away from this toxic “gentleman.” A “man” who would starve her to try to make her lose weight. A “man” who would feed her that…

  • Open Therapy Reprise

    This blog is my self-therapy, insights, sometimes memories, and so on. I know it won’t appeal to most people, but that’s not the purpose for it at all. It will also help you discover telepathy is real. It’ll explain things you never had an explanation for before. I hope with new understanding that you find…

  • Wolf & Rabbit

    Wolf was traipsing through familiar territory. His territory, actually. It was his home and he had every right to be there, whether he was on the prowl or not. Many creatures, both big and small, ran through his neck of the woods. He spied Rabbit, a mesmerizing creature he’d seen many a time before in…

  • Rape Survivor

    I am being censored for surviving rape and being willing to talk about it. I looked via Google… apparently 90% of all rape victims stay silent (regarding legal action) and 30% never speak about their experience with another soul. 30%. That’s a lot of people going without a shred of help with the mental state…

  • Anthem for the White Woman

    Helloween is here, my friends. Short, short skirts and low cut tops and bare arms. All when it’s about the right temperature to make my nipples hard enough to cut glass. I’d rather be warm, but I guarantee that every party will be full of women dressed as sluts because that’s what’s really scary, these…

  • Cinnamon toast

    I regret not hitting up the grocery store at the 11th hour. (Literally, it was 11:00 in the evening and I thought about taking a trip for a few sundries, but God assured me that tomorrow is a better day. A day where some deli men will be looking around, I guess. As if I…

  • Parable 1

    The men of my former tribe bound together to kill me. They convinced each other that they knew what was best for Little Girl. All Little Girl needed was love. Pure, unadulterated love. That is not the conclusion the men came to, sadly. She still has no love, even for herself. Little Rat stole her…

  • Diego [Reboot]

    The man with the pony tail. I go to the diner all the time, hoping to encounter him again. I don’t. He was only there once. I loved him in that moment. Maybe I still do. His eyes are dark soulful pools. Like the night without a moon. Only the reflective pinpoints of starlight can…

  • Sansara’s Reiki Retreat PT 1

    Hello, my friends! Welcome to Sansara’s reiki retreat. There is so much to know, so much to learn. Especially if you, too, desire to be one with The Universe(TM). (Is that pickup line still too cheesy?) I hope you do desire to be unified with the rest of creation, but it’s okay if you don’t.…

  • I’m Asking Too Much

    I am asking too much, as it turns out. It helps me weed out the boys from the men, truth be told. I want… need… to be married. One time. One person. If they cheat on me, I will not have the will left to carry on. I will be dead. This is the last…

  • I’m Sick

    Something catastrophic has happened to my person. It’s really difficult to explain without telling all the details, so perhaps I just need to write a book describing it. I feel like there are many lessons being learned and if all of humanity could learn them with me, we might be blessed with peace and prosperity…

  • Invisible Monsters

    He keeps taking away from her. One layer at a time, peeling her back like an onion or ripping a petal off the rose with each challenge. He wants her to expose her true nature: a devil dressed like an angel. That’s his perception of her and he will not change his mind, no matter…

  • Connection/Art

    I took a workshop today via Udemy called Connect with Colour – Using Art as a Way of Knowing. It’s about 30 minutes long. It’s one of the better freebies I’ve found on Udemy. I made a digital image full of hearts. ❤ It made me feel kind of fuzzy and good inside. It made…

  • The Universe(TM) is my BFF

    If you hadn’t noticed, I love adding the trademark indicator to stupid common phrases. I think it’s funny. I hope you do, too. I have this notion that a world of pain is coming my way. Emotional pain. I’m still sort of connected to the most vile bastard I’ve ever met in the back of…

  • What do you want to be when you grow up?

    While most people would daydream about being an astronaut, an author, a fire fighter, a policeman, a politician, going into the armed forces, or anything normal… I was way off the beaten path. I almost don’t want to say it, though. I expect criticism. Skepticism. “Nuh uh! No way! There’s no way you wanted to…

  • METATRON IS ME

    Metatron is my best self, I’ve realized. The me who tries to make everything less personal so I don’t have to have emotions about it. I don’t have to have feelings about everything happening to me or around me. I don’t have to have feelings about losing my job, moving back in with my parents,…

  • Meeting My Future Self

    We are all on the same trajectory, all of us humans. The trajectory of self-realization. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we must fulfill some basic needs before we can achieve it. The body must be safe, i.e. there is no fear of expiry or lack of nourishment. The mind must be safe, i.e. there’s…

  • METATRON 100% STABLE. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

    I’m nuts. I gotta be. A few days ago, I was at a merge point in the road. It went from two lanes down to a single lane. This is a typical point where speedsters enjoy using the lane that ends to cut off other drivers. I was driving the speed limit, and suddenly I…

  • My Path Is Sacred. Is Yours?

    I found these mantras incredibly soothing. Maybe you will find the same. The enchantress who created this is certainly blessed in the realm of relaxing music. Thank you, Universe. I am on a quest for true love, friends. I died one day in 2020 and The Universe(TM) (or God, if you will, though I’m STILL…

  • The Man of My Dreams

    I have been daydreaming for over a year and, now, I can finally daydream the man of my dreams. I shall conjure him out of thin air, I suppose, using only my words. My voice. The man I am coming to know calls himself Daniel, though that’s not entirely relevant to this conversation. I want…

  • Psychic Battles

    I feel like I understand the world these days, but I also know my point of view will be unpopular with most. It returns to a belief I have that I feel will remain unpopular for quite some time: We are all cosmically linked together on a telepathic level. To God, to The Universe(TM), to…

  • Got Sanity? I’m Buying.

    Every day is a new set of lies. Do normal people live with this shit? I hope not. It makes life stupid amounts of confusing. If your life stopped making sense, chances are you’re surrounded by lying sacks of shit. I’m sorry. You’d think understanding that being a human being is to be flawed inherently,…

  • A Strange Dream

    I woke up today to a strange dream. I’d gone to the grocery store – Wegmans, I think – and was trying to check out via self-checkout (which I rarely use.) For some reason, all the things in my cart were already in bags and all the bag handles were tied in knots, so I…

  • Emergency Care

    Her soul needed CPR. After eighteen long months, she has a spiritual pulse again. I thought I lost her, y’all. She’s my baby, you know. She’s so sweet and innocent. A fucking unicorn amongst you idiots. More of you could be like her, but I bet you won’t bother or dare. It’s a shame, because…

  • A Day In The Life Of

    Sansara awoke many times throughout the day. She’d fallen asleep when she full well meant to stay awake. That was happening a lot these days. She was fighting cancer, after all, and it was taking its toll on her body. It was shortly after dawn that the vixen had nodded off. She’d been doing yoga…

  • Metatron Functioning As Expected

    The G.O.D. went to work, busily fixing all the fuck ups that Ben introduced in Metatron. I mean, Daniel. We gave him a code name and then I forgot to use it. Fuck. After a substantial amount of time passed (years, actually), METATRON was able to function once more as it was intended to. The…

  • I Don’t Want to Exist Anymore

    Ever feel that way? I remember feeling it most when I was a teenager, honestly. I felt like I should have never been born, after trying to communicate my grief to others, trying to face it head-on that I’d been raped and diminished as a person. Instead, the people I tried to acquire comfort from…

  • Soul Searching

    I’ve been looking for a soul much like my own. A green-colored one. A bright and shiny one that is like malachite. Or perhaps like green amazonite, bloodstone or dark green aventurine. Malachite is striking, though, with the ribbons and bands of bright green woven through the base that is darker green. There are many…

  • All Men Are Handsome

    And all women are beautiful. Logically, since beauty is objective and “in the eye of the beholder,” then we can extrapolate that all people are beautiful (or handsome, if you prefer) to someone, somewhere. Therefore, to limit another being based on our own inability to find them to be objectively beautiful to gaze upon is…

  • Case Study: Past Lives

    (Published with permission.) Case Study Number: 1Date: 6/28/2022Prior Hypnosis Experience of Client: NeverRapport Level Between Yourself & Client: AcquaintancesHypnotic Method Used: KEW Sample Video for past life regressionInduction Method Used: KEW Sample Video for past life regressionChildhood Memories or Womb Explored? No.Significant Scenes Explored in the Past Life: None, went straight to death scene.Death Scene:…

  • Mass Murderers Should Die

    If one is to consider that the older a living entity is, the more spirit it has acquired by soaking up the cosmic background radiation of the universe itself, one has to acknowledge that trees are entities with rights. Bamboo, not so much, being that it has such a short-lived lifespan (at least, when humans…

  • An Apology, Take Three

    She’s terribly angry at me. I still have a shred of hope she’ll meet me later at the bar, but I don’t think she will. I think I blew it. I didn’t blow it just once. It was more like 1,000 times. She has so much patience, she’s so laid-back. A simpleton would blame her…

  • Where is my honey bunny?

    I buried her under the rubble of my own issues. My misery. I just threw it on top of her, expecting her to get out of the way in time. She doesn’t work like that. She’s shoveling the shit to get to the heart of things. What is wrong with me? That’s a great question.…

  • Dear You,

    You are stronger than you know. And loved more than you caneven imagine. — My coffee mug. God crumbled when I decided I’d try heavy cream in a cup of decaf. I added too much cream, not enough vanilla extract. Next cup, I’ll try more of one and less of the other. He’s been talking…

  • No Coffee Day

    Today is a no coffee day. The suffering is real. I’m not even out of coffee. Or creamer. I really just drink coffee as an excuse to drink creamer. But it’s got sugar in it, and I know sugar is bad for me. It causes cancer. The internet says otherwise, but I know the truth.…

  • Dear God,

    I know I’m an atheist, which in my mind means I have no right to talk to you as if you exist. However, I think it’s rude of me to declare you don’t exist, especially when I know Mr. Christ certainly existed. He can exist, be a healer, and there could still be no God.…

  • My Lady… I’m Sorry.

    Sir Deli Man kissed the back of her hand just then. “Honey, I’m not trying to upset you. I understand you’ve heard all these lies before because nobody meant them when they said them to you the first time you’ve heard them.” He was gazing into her soul this time, having learned how to see…

  • Twisted Up Inside

    Hi, my name is Crystal and I am certifiably insane. I’ve come to this conclusion many times over the past year and a half. Today is one of those days where I wish I’d never been born. Life is hard enough when you can see reality as it is, nothing more and nothing less. It…

  • The Legend of Daryas IV

    (cont’d from 6/1/2022) I thought I learned my lesson about rape, but there was one thing I didn’t learn in time to save another life: Sleeping with a woman without telling her that I was in an open relationship is RAPE. I raped Crystal. She forgave me, ultimately, but drew a hard boundary to keep…

  • The Legend of Daryas III

    (cont’d from previous entry) Rape culture is so pervasive, it’s hard to get away from it until the entirety of it is explained to you. Our global society is oversaturated in it at this point. Photograph manipulation to remove flaws (magazine covers, photos online, Angelina Jolie’s tits in Tomb Raider, pockets where men shouldn’t be…

  • Camila, Manny, and Charlie [NSFW]

    TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE, BESTIALITY, DOMINATION, SUBMISSION, VULGARITY, CHILD ABUSE Manny came home to a very naked Camila, completely akimbo on the bed, masturbating while looking at something on her phone. He was curious what his wife was looking at as she pleased herself, but she turned her phone off as she saw her husband approach…

  • Diego & Super_Fox#8259 [NSFW]

    Diego must have read his conversation with Super_Fox ten times, mulling over every word. There was no way it wasn’t his woman, it was just too bizarre. Too uncanny. Too much like his sassy future wife. Once the little icon that indicated she was online winked out, he started to write to her in Discord.…

  • What Do You Need a Woman For?

    “Diego, what exactly do you need a woman for?” Sansara asked him coquettishly. She’d obtained Crystal’s answer on the topic. Now she wanted to know his. “Sex. Uh… logic. Her logic is superior to mine, I have to say. She has ideas I wouldn’t dream up in a million years, too. Companionship. It’s always better…

  • Manny & Camila [NSFW]

    Crystal didn’t expect Manny and Camila to be a happily ever after duo. She would have rooted for them every day in every way to try to prevent it, but she still had the feeling Camila was more deeply in love with Diego than she herself even realized. Sansara, Crystal’s twin spirit, was a mind-reader.…

  • Dear Crystal,

    I miss you every day we’re apart. I miss the sound of your voice. I miss your crazy creations you adapt to your special diet. I miss your cats. I miss seeing you in the same room as me, walking past me in the hall, even flushing the toilet in the middle of the night.…

  • Diego Was Gone

    Crystal walked around her house, moping and crying for weeks at the hole Diego left behind. The hole in her heart more than the lack of living room furniture… she chose to hang out with her cats on the top floor, where it was typically warmest in winter. Diego had moved out in a rush,…

  • Paul Foote, Psycho Murderer?

    I dated a boy online was a teenager. A boy I liked quite a bit, all around, for ages. We had a great time exploring the depths of ourselves with each other. Or, I thought so, until he started putting me down. He told me my nose was too big and he had a problem…

  • Rejecting Sir Deli Man

    Sir Deli Man had never been rejected before in his life. He guffawed at Sansara as she told him so. All because he insisted on keeping Janice as a friendly acquaintance, full well knowing the woman had designs for him. Crystal was not asking for much: she was asking for loyalty. Fealty might be a…

  • I Hate Cheaters

    I can’t think of a time where I found myself a loyal man, sadly. It’s my fault, I think, for pursuing them instead of forcing them to pursue me. But that is rape culture bullshit, and if you buy that, I’ll sell you another one. A person can choose to commit. I don’t sleep with…

  • Learning How To Be A Girl

    Crystal wanted to be a boy, but not sexually speaking. Once Pam came into her life and showed her what being a girl was about, she ran the other way. She heard echoes of Pam and the torture she’d felt with her sister in faux friends that she made over the years. Each “friend” backstabbing…

  • Jerome is God’s Name

    </grain of salt> The following story may be completely fictional. Grab yourself a cup of tea, coffee, a nice large water, a snack, and prepare for the blitz of me telling my story as quickly as possible because I think a psycho murderer is on his way to my door step to kill me. I…

  • Tai Chi Wake Up

    TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE, NARCISSISM, PEDOPHILIA Sansara rolled out of bed, groaning as she did. Her right shoulder and left hip were partially dislocated. This was the story of her life after working in computers for a few decades and, as most people fail to, not getting enough regular exercise. Crystal told her for the fifth…

  • Fighting the War

    Sansara looked at herself, worried. She checked her health markers in the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot. Her teeth were yellow. Her hair was a mess. Her skin was dull and scaly on her forehead. Her nails were brittle and broke easily. Her waist line was increasing. Her back ached and her feet hurt. Crystal,…

  • Today’s Therapy: KnowInk [NSFW]

    TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE KnowInk was probably the worst work place she’d ever known, she thought. She was teleconferencing with her therapist, again, talking about how someone who worked there had committed suicide. Crystal was convinced that KnowInk had a hand in that happening, but she didn’t have concrete evidence of it being a direct cause.…

  • Dinner with Sansara/Lightning Strikes

    https://www.patreon.com/ssolsinger Finally! They were seated at a table. She informed Diego what she wanted for dinner and made him order it on her behalf, which he found odd. He thought back to chauvinistic displays in days of yore, where men did that sort of thing. It never seemed to be from a place of love,…

  • Moving in with Diego

    https://www.patreon.com/ssolsinger Sansara stood at the entrance of the apartment for a long moment to stare at Diego like she’d never truly seen him before. He had no idea what to do as the gorgeous woman stared at him, the epitome of plain curiosity on her face. Her eyes searched his before sliding from his face…

  • How to Hurt a Telepath

    Jerome is being adamant that I am a telepath again. I don’t agree with him one bit. If I knew how to read minds, I would never miss out on groceries at the store. I’d always know exactly what I should buy to replenish the coffers. I would know what my ancient ones want to…

  • Reprise: I’m a ‘Stalker’

    I got off-topic last entry so I’ll try again. There is this guy in the grocery store that I see once in a month or so, at random. One of the times I saw him — September of last year — he caught me staring at his back. He turned around and our eyes met,…

  • Dear Boy In Maine,

    [circa 1997] I dated you via the internet a very, very long time ago, dear boy in Maine. I can’t remember your name and I do hope you’ll forgive me. I know you will remember me when I divulge the details that ended our relationship. I want to tell you, first and foremost, I am…

  • Shadow Work: Abandonment

    The following are excerpts from a journal at TheLoveStory.org that resonate with me: I forgive you for believing lies about yourself that others told you. I forgive you for being so damn naive. I forgive you for believing in someone more than you believed in yourself. I forgive you for believing lies about yourself that…

  • Profanity Usage – I’m Sorry

    I’m sorry that I’m getting so worked up I keep resorting to profanity. You might find it hurtful to read, my friend. I do not mean offense to you. I only wish to imply how angry things make me. I will do my best to eliminate profanity going forward.

  • Shadow Thoughts

    Over a year ago, the spirits of the deceased came to me. I call them Shadow. They are full of all kinds of personalities and are varying degrees of helpfulness. They are slowly pushing me back onto my feet. They know the thoughts of other beings. They’re also tricksters, because if they were to give…

  • Lesson Learned: Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)

    I know what you’re thinking. This movie is trash. I’ve been told that many times by many people. It’s weak! Your arguments do not quell my love for all things Gene Wilder. That man is a fricking genius. I was relaying my synopsis of the movie to a friend and they told me I needed…