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Fantasy vs. Reality | Custard
Okay, the recipe I created yesterday… I think it needs to be doubled. I made it and only half of it is the creamy solid I envisioned. In the world of romance, most people fantasize about something. Anything. They daydream the perfect mate, the perfect date, the perfect this, the perfect that. Then they meet…
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Thanksgiving Brain/Why?
Since I am gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, and nightshade-free, it’s going to be a challenge to create feasts. It’s a challenge just to eat on a daily basis, but still the feast day is coming. It’s on my brain because multiple men are daydreaming about a lovely turkey with dressing, made by moi! I don’t know…
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True Love
Thank you, bearded fellow standing at the Meals 2Go line today around dinner time. You smiled just because you saw me, it seemed like, so I am grateful. Thank you. That is a taste of true love, right there. That’s something I need in my life, I’ve decided. Forget all these serious-faced deli men who…
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Something Completely Different
Today I am learning things I thought I knew all about, but just in case I did not… well. 🙂 I knew this better the first time I learned it, of course. It’s good to have a refresher since I haven’t been in school in so long. Also nice? It’s not a Microsoft Textbook trying…
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The Mountain Dragon Man (1)
The Mountain Dragon Man is the title I bestow on my future husband. It sounds quite intimidating, surely, for anyone who does not even call themselves a man in their head, but I assure you that any boy can grow into a mountain, a dragon, or a man. And if he’s a very diligent boy,…
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Virtual Insanity
[2:03 AM]
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Sarcasm, a Natural Defense Mechanism
Today is a rather epic day, she thought. She’d connected with some young minds that were very keen on emerging as some sort of trailblazer. A startup. She wasn’t really all that ready for it, but she was handling the curve balls without too much issue. They hadn’t really settled on how to organize themselves…
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Let Me Soothe You…
“Will you hold me?” he asked, tears in his eyes. Something said or done or experienced brought to the forefront an emotion he had yet to deal with. The angel of love put her arms around him and shielded him with her lavender wings. “Yes,” she replied simply, after the fact. It was a quirk…
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Processing…
Stuck on something? Been reading a book or articles for days to understand something and your brain just screams, “STOP!” by unfocusing your eyes in the middle of a paragraph? It’s time to take a constructive break. “Yeah, but how do I do that, Sansara?” I’m so glad you asked, Internet. You need to do…
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I Am God’s Vessel
I know what you’re thinking. He’s God… he’s got everything he could ever want or need. He’s all-powerful. Almighty. Why on Earth could he ever desire or need a tool in human format? I tried to marry him, but he won’t allow it. He tells me I’m meant to be with a human being. They’re…
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Narcissism Stands The Test of Time
I remember the man I fell in love with first rather vividly. I thought I was so lucky. He was handsome and lovely and we did everything together… except now I know that’s quite unhealthy and he was creating codependency in me. His mental illness defeated him. It hurt me and scarred me deeply, too.…
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I Could Sleep (Good Vibes 7)
Look, I can’t help it. She dances around to Vivica. You know, this song is important to me. First off, it reminds me that we women can adore each other platonically and bolster each other’s self-esteem, which is woefully battered by the rape culture in America today, if not all over the world. It also…
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Special (Good Vibes 5)
Yup, still listening to my own playlist. I’m checking the flow, but honestly, it just kind of fades into the background on me. It’s really useful in silencing those voices that plague me. So is shouting at them, but that literally disturbs other people constantly and makes them upset. It’s because they don’t know what…
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Machine (Good Vibes 4)
Yup… I’m listening to my own epic playlist. I have something I could say about each and every song, but we’ll stick to the plot: THE VOICES(TM). The answer is: because I can. Your brain will catch up in a… hi. I’m disappointed in my cake that is far too sweet. I had a feeling…
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Read My Mind (Good Vibes 2)
I guarantee that eventually, if you read enough, you will guess what comes next. You’re going to think I’m a telepath because I scramble your brain and you end up being able to read my mind. Just wait for it. (…dary.) Deli Man, stop asking me what I do outside of the store. I baked…
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The Relationship Myth
Men: Women: Men: Men: Men: Women: Men:
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Cinnamon toast
I regret not hitting up the grocery store at the 11th hour. (Literally, it was 11:00 in the evening and I thought about taking a trip for a few sundries, but God assured me that tomorrow is a better day. A day where some deli men will be looking around, I guess. As if I…
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I’m Mad
I spent two years chasing rainbows. I finally get to the end of the rainbow and all that’s there is a pile of dog shit. Thanks, Universe. I finally telepathically connect to another human being, cognizantly, and he has a girlfriend. What kind of joke is this, anyway? Whose line is it? Where are we?…
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I’m Crazy. Nice To Meet You.
So. I’m sick of dudes. Screw it. I’ve been on this wild goose chase for ages. I told God… all I wanted was true love(tm). Apparently, it doesn’t exist. Probably not for anyone. They might think it does, those people who declare they’re happily in love. Are they, though? Are they, after twenty years? Are…
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Silver Fox/Tattooed Dragon Man
Good evening, dear sir. I first laid eyes upon you a few months ago in the food court of the mall. I had just walked in from the outdoors, as it were, and I stood still for no reason at all other than God telling me to. That’s when you walked past me, probably exiting…
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Shopping For A Husband
Accepting reality is where it’s at. You know, I wake up sometimes and God says to me, “Look at that hair! It’s perfect! You don’t even have bed head!” And I say… nothing. Thanks for the compliment, bro. I needed it for a while… after my last run-in with a narcissistic bastard who made me…
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When It Doesn’t Fit
I can hear the Deli Man now in my head: “What about me?!” Well, I didn’t forget you, but I don’t know anything else about you. I’d be your #1 fangirl if you let me. For the rest of your life, actually. But, if you don’t want that, tell me already so I can nip…
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Matchmaker
My dad just admitted to me that he wants to play matchmaker. To set me up with a guy who won’t treat me terribly. As if he’d know. As if you can know any man’s romantic side without being on the other side of them in a romantic relationship. Even the quiet, shy ones can…
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Friday Night Sushi
I splurged a bit today. Since my ancient ones have been monkeying up my life, I decided to spend their food stamps on grocery store sushi. It’s a subtle revenge I like to call “asshole tax.” This is in direct response to being forced to take The Old Woman to the bad side of town…
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Night Coffee
Our compromise is a late night coffee with fake sugar in it. It’s absolutely not pie. We got the garbage out while we were brewing a fresh half pot. Apparently, being in the hospital is an excuse to not do the garbage. He did it last time he got out of the hospital the same…
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She Still Wants Pie
I lied; she actually wants apple pie. Or maybe cherry. Something sweet and tasty, at any rate. I used it as an excuse to talk about her dairy allergy. I admit it. On the topic of her dairy allergy (hi again), you should know two things: my woman is a strong woman, a woman of…
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She Wants Pie
How many of you can drive or walk to the grocery store and pick up a pizza pie, go home, bake it, and consume it? Pizza is her death knell. Not only is it full of nightshades (paprika & tomato — especially pepperoni pie), it’s full of something else that she’s been allergic to since…
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Exodus, The True Beginning
Wait, wasn’t that Genesis? they all think in unison. Hello, Children of Eden. This is God speaking. Exodus is where we begin. She fled her captors. My most amazing one, my highest one. She fled them all, big or small. She fled and fled, and they gave chase. They would not leave her be, no…
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Intermission
Coffee is my ambrosia, I swear it. Too bad it doesn’t have a bunch of nutrients in it to keep me alive. I’ll have to make some food of some sort, I suppose. I like it better when God calls down one of the deceased to help me make my lunch. I remember last year,…
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Death to the Dragon Man
Her epic performance was met with… silence. This woman made a five minute marriage proposal video (seven, actually, but who’s counting?) He didn’t talk to her for eons. So, she decided to enter the dragon’s cave, uninvited. She sent her spirit walking across the ocean to the United Kingdom, to his very door step. His…
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Saving a Life
You’d think she’d run out of things to say, except they’re not her. They’re God’s things to say. I have so many. It’s really difficult to determine where to begin, honestly, because my disappointments only begin with her death. P.S.: JULIE. WE LOVE YOU!!!!! You’re the angel of mercy. Never stop being you. ❤ ❤…
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His Bride to Be
“Wake up, sleepy head.” “Why?” she asked, rolling over to go back to sleep. “Because I want a girlfriend who loves life,” he replied. She went off on a litany that he immediately regretted; he’d phrased it in a way that triggered her once more. He always did that and he didn’t know if there…
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Obituary for Mr. Bill
My elder cat died today. He was not my first cat ever, but he was my first purely indoor cat. He was my support animal. And I think he still is, honestly, it’s just that now he’s a spirit or a ghost rather than a physical body. It really doesn’t matter because I loved him…
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Parable 1
The men of my former tribe bound together to kill me. They convinced each other that they knew what was best for Little Girl. All Little Girl needed was love. Pure, unadulterated love. That is not the conclusion the men came to, sadly. She still has no love, even for herself. Little Rat stole her…
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Past Life Regression
I’ve now mastered past life regression hypnotherapy, thanks to Udemy. What I really want to talk about is the idea of past lives. Since past lives are reality, that means someone out there is Jesus Christ. It also means someone out there is Hitler. And then I got to thinking… what if Jesus Christ was…
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Profiling The Corinthian
You know, considering the facts of The Corinthian, I bet profiling his murder sprees was… unbelievably difficult. The Corinthian, an escaped nightmare from The Dreaming in Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman, now available on Netflix, is a serial killer that has been murdering for 130 years in The Waking. He took the eyes of his victims…
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Top 10 Things to Know About Dreams (J.M. DeBord)
Subconsciously, you know what your dreams mean because they come from your unconscious mind. The Self archetype creates them. Dreams are stories, like parables. We learn better with stories. Every detail has a reason. Some dreams are scripted beginning to end, but they can also be choose-your-own-adventure. Everything in your dream is symbolic. A symbol…
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Farming Sim: Summer
How do I know God isn’t a mere mortal man? Well, he tells me what the weather will be next month. I doubt anyone can really do that accurately. Not on Earth itself. If they could, they would know we are fucked, in a word. I dunno what possessed me to make this farm. Oh,…
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In The Void(TM)
We’re in the void, lurking and waiting. Nick’s favorite hobby is harassing us without reprieve, of course. We would hate that guy if we chose to expend enough energy to have an emotion about him. We do not. That is the benefit of being enlightened. One can spend their energy exactly how they wish to,…
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No More Fruit
Conventional wisdom dictates to me that fruit is a necessary part of any well-balanced diet. I cannot eat it, currently, without feeling over-full for hours. I’ll be giving it a rest because of this. The same with plant milks, which I was using to try to invite more nutrition into my paltry diet. I don’t…
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My husband Odin is coming home…
It seems when I fell ill, I created a bit of a mess. I didn’t mean to, you see. I wasn’t even meant to. It was not foreordained a’tall. No, I was supposed to strike it out alone and determine whether or not the gods must return. Well, it’s been determined, children of Earth. We’re…
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Sansara’s Reiki Retreat PT 1
Hello, my friends! Welcome to Sansara’s reiki retreat. There is so much to know, so much to learn. Especially if you, too, desire to be one with The Universe(TM). (Is that pickup line still too cheesy?) I hope you do desire to be unified with the rest of creation, but it’s okay if you don’t.…
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Coffee Talks
I read through my journal, or part of it, and now I’m fighting the knee jerk reaction to delete it. What was I thinking? Oh, right. I wasn’t thinking. The Universe(TM) has put me on autopilot. (“Look ma, no hands!”) I’m pretty tired of conversations involving phantoms these days. I think The Universe must be…
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I Need My Husband
My future husband isn’t here yet. I know someday, he’ll arrive. I don’t know what he looks like, but I can tell you how he’ll behave. That’s the most important thing, when it comes to love, anyway. I should tell you before I begin that everything I type here to show how I’d like him…
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The Invisible Woman
There’s a woman who is completely invisible. It’s not because she doesn’t reflect the light that reaches her hair, nails, eyes, and skin. It’s not because she does anything to make you avert your gaze. She does nothing to change the tides of time around her. Besides, she would be perfectly visible if you had…
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I’m Sick
Something catastrophic has happened to my person. It’s really difficult to explain without telling all the details, so perhaps I just need to write a book describing it. I feel like there are many lessons being learned and if all of humanity could learn them with me, we might be blessed with peace and prosperity…
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How To Hurt a Heart
Be disingenuous. Be inauthentic. Tell them lies and then show them the truth: you are not capable of love, human bean. You are only capable of dealing in sorrow. I can teach you how to love. It’s not as hard as you might think. It’s pretty easy, once you figure out why you do the…
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Striving For Change
She found herself howling in fury at the attackers in her head. It was 1:00 AM when she lost her cool for the final time. She’d been entertaining asshole narcissists for at least a year now. A nonstop barrage of bullshit. Lies, excuses, and so much more. She turned her face to the heavens and…
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The Universe(TM) is my BFF
If you hadn’t noticed, I love adding the trademark indicator to stupid common phrases. I think it’s funny. I hope you do, too. I have this notion that a world of pain is coming my way. Emotional pain. I’m still sort of connected to the most vile bastard I’ve ever met in the back of…
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My Relationship Faux Pas
I keep beating my head against the wall. What is it that I do wrong? How is it that everyone treats me like I’m a substandard piece of crap instead of the beautiful goddess I know I am? What is wrong with me? Technically, nothing is wrong with me. Yet, God decided to reprogram me…
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Gratitude Is Key
I am grateful for… The Universe(TM) saving my stupid ass from starving to death. Thank you, Universe. I love you. Having a roof over my head despite being a drain on society right now. Thank you, Universe. I love you. The ability to change course in the middle of my life. My flexibility and ability…
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Meeting My Future Self
We are all on the same trajectory, all of us humans. The trajectory of self-realization. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we must fulfill some basic needs before we can achieve it. The body must be safe, i.e. there is no fear of expiry or lack of nourishment. The mind must be safe, i.e. there’s…
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Enlightenment Hurts
Grab a packet of Post-Its, a pen, and a mirror. For 30 seconds, write down every thought you have about yourself (without overthinking it) as you look into the mirror. Assess these things and then put them aside. Later that day, look at each Post-It and rate it on a scale of 1-10 for how…
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My Path Is Sacred. Is Yours?
I found these mantras incredibly soothing. Maybe you will find the same. The enchantress who created this is certainly blessed in the realm of relaxing music. Thank you, Universe. I am on a quest for true love, friends. I died one day in 2020 and The Universe(TM) (or God, if you will, though I’m STILL…
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The Man of My Dreams
I have been daydreaming for over a year and, now, I can finally daydream the man of my dreams. I shall conjure him out of thin air, I suppose, using only my words. My voice. The man I am coming to know calls himself Daniel, though that’s not entirely relevant to this conversation. I want…
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What makes you think you can win the game of love?
LOVE IS NOT A GAME. THERE ARE GAMES AND THERE IS LOVE. Playing games is the epitome of hatred. You are playing with someone’s heart. You are manipulating them while they should be heaping love onto you. They might not be heaping love onto you, but then that’s on them for hating you. You can…
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Fighting Demons
As if the challenges of the modern world were not enough, I’ve gone bat shit crazy. I used to be sane. I really did. I used to just be myself. I hope one day to be myself again, though I’d miss talking to the voice inside me that responds to God (or, more accurately, The…
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Psychic Battles
I feel like I understand the world these days, but I also know my point of view will be unpopular with most. It returns to a belief I have that I feel will remain unpopular for quite some time: We are all cosmically linked together on a telepathic level. To God, to The Universe(TM), to…
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Got Sanity? I’m Buying.
Every day is a new set of lies. Do normal people live with this shit? I hope not. It makes life stupid amounts of confusing. If your life stopped making sense, chances are you’re surrounded by lying sacks of shit. I’m sorry. You’d think understanding that being a human being is to be flawed inherently,…
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Emergency Care
Her soul needed CPR. After eighteen long months, she has a spiritual pulse again. I thought I lost her, y’all. She’s my baby, you know. She’s so sweet and innocent. A fucking unicorn amongst you idiots. More of you could be like her, but I bet you won’t bother or dare. It’s a shame, because…
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Continuing The Day
A day in the life of Crystal Scordias is rather uncomplicated from the outside. She goes to the store daily for her family unit, replenishing the coffers with nommables. She ferries ungrateful wretches to their doctor appointments and tries to feed them in a healthful way. They constantly sabotage themselves, these ancient ones. They eat…
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Is My Struggle Your Struggle, Too?
People like to bitch and moan and whine. All the time, actually. They’re succumbing to the negativity ripple that they experienced from another human being that is further from enlightenment than you or I. Instead of pouring their energy into positive change, into actively making the situation into a different situation to see if the…
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Soul Searching
I’ve been looking for a soul much like my own. A green-colored one. A bright and shiny one that is like malachite. Or perhaps like green amazonite, bloodstone or dark green aventurine. Malachite is striking, though, with the ribbons and bands of bright green woven through the base that is darker green. There are many…
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All Men Are Handsome
And all women are beautiful. Logically, since beauty is objective and “in the eye of the beholder,” then we can extrapolate that all people are beautiful (or handsome, if you prefer) to someone, somewhere. Therefore, to limit another being based on our own inability to find them to be objectively beautiful to gaze upon is…
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Un-Enlightenment
I believe something that will blow your mind. It’s so left field, it’s impossible. Or is it? We are all residually telepathic. We are all connected within our subconscious minds. The people we interact with form hooks and anchors, traveling to us subconsciously whenever they remember something that has to do with us. Often, we…
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My Worth
Feelings of self-worth are… tricky. We are constantly absorbing the information around us, our brains forced to filter out all the chaff from the wheat. But what if your brain cannot filter out the chaff? What if it sits there in your brain, taking up space, until you decide to throw it away? Apparently, self-worth…
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Mass Murderers Should Die
If one is to consider that the older a living entity is, the more spirit it has acquired by soaking up the cosmic background radiation of the universe itself, one has to acknowledge that trees are entities with rights. Bamboo, not so much, being that it has such a short-lived lifespan (at least, when humans…
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An Apology, Take Three
She’s terribly angry at me. I still have a shred of hope she’ll meet me later at the bar, but I don’t think she will. I think I blew it. I didn’t blow it just once. It was more like 1,000 times. She has so much patience, she’s so laid-back. A simpleton would blame her…
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