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Rainy Day/Late for Work
Public Service Announcement: Your life is worth more than your job. When it is rainy or snowy A.F., remember that it takes friction to stop a moving vehicle, which means that it takes longer to come to a full stop. Therefore, you should observe the speed limit or travel the speed at which you feel…
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The Truth About Tattooed Men
I would have been better off with a Biker instead of a Ben. A lying liar, a deceitful entity, a con artist. Trust me, I know The Truth(TM). Trust me, I am capable. Trust me, I am a self-starter. That’s the first lie; the man is the epitome of lazy. “I have a three chores-a-day…
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The Beggar Was a Chooser
My mother had a bunch of witty sayings she’d throw at me in my youth. I suppose her youth, too, come to think of it, now that she’s old and decrepit. “Beggars can’t be choosers.” “Get over it; life’s not fair.” “Stay in your limits.” That last one isn’t a witty ism that everyone used,…
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Who Needs a Conscience?
People say psychopaths have no conscience. I don’t think that’s expressly true. I deleted mine, for the most part, and I have nothing to do with raping other beings. I have nothing to do with hurting anyone. If I do it, it’s an accident, and I apologize and make it as right as I possibly…
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Odin’s Story 3
You might be wondering why you should care about the girl I care about. I don’t really give a shit about your issues preventing you from seeing reality as it is; I’ve already told you why you should care. You’re just not listening. Since your mental faculties have waned to the point where inference is…
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Odin’s Story 2
Odin was displeased, to say the least, that the feast was not cooked to perfection just yet. The rump roast began this journey frozen, as it were, and the two of them were on a journey to figure out exactly how many minutes you add to the formula when roasting a giant hunk of delicious…
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Hindspite’s 20/20
Holding pattern. That’s what I’m in. I want to get a job… I cannot get a job with a 24/7 external dialogue of profanity and insanity. Tourettes… that might be one way to call it out. Schizophrenia is another that I’ve tried on for size. Neither truly fit. Tourettes is not having full blown conversations…
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My Singing Monsters
I stumbled upon a free Steam game today while perusing the “casual” category. It is a game about making music with monsters. But it doesn’t just stop there… it’s your very own Strategy Game with multiple maps to strategize, as well. I find it beyond cute. Here’s what it looks like after about an hour…
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A Broken Heart Isn’t Enough
As I sit and do research for my next class offering on Udemy (well, my first, perhaps… I have six or seven in progress all at once. A.D.D. for the win!) I have no choice but to hear constant bull shit in my head as my ex, the rapist that he is, tries to combine…
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A Hypothesis
I’ve decided to test a hunch I have. That hunch is that we all need to eat some chlorophyll in our lifetime. If we don’t like the traditional way of obtaining that chlorophyll, then we now have things like Moringa powder for smoothies, chlorella tablets to take like pills, and liquid chlorophyll. One might wonder…
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I don’t want to be used and abused again.
For days now, I’ve been receiving spiritual or telepathic transmissions from a man I once knew a long, long time ago. As if I can trust that said man a) remembers me, b) gives a shit I existed in the present, c) is free since we all know all men are taken. By Angelina Jolie,…
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Soy Milk Allergy Rising
I have had an unfortunate incident, which is keeping me from learning my desired information today… For five days straight, the chaos in my soul led me to eat pizza. I’m allergic to every bit of pizza. Worse yet, however, I drink coffee with a touch of soy milk in it on a daily basis.…
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All For Naught.
Nothing I do ever seems to matter. To anyone, anywhere. If it does, I am in the dark. I am alone and fumbling. Have you felt this, too, friend? I will light the way when I can, but for now I stumble and fall. I am hurting. So many kinds of hurting. I wish I…
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God’s Promise, Part One
“Well, Nick, you finally did it. You made her fall in love with a man in a grocery deli. Congratulations! You lose the girl!!!!!” God declared, happy to finally move away from this toxic “gentleman.” A “man” who would starve her to try to make her lose weight. A “man” who would feed her that…
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A Deadly Diet Indeed
I’m sitting here thinking about my dad’s condition. He’s in the hospital, still not much better, and possibly about to get worse — it depends on what they allow him to eat there. He has anemia and his blood doesn’t coagulate. Here I am reading up on a plant that can possibly be used instead…
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New Year, New You
“Let’s have a coffee chat,” God suggests. Crystal screams, “NO! You bastard! I have something much more important to write.” It’s a great time to make some resolutions to be a better person. I think the majority of Americans are making a resolution to lose weight right now, and they will shame themselves in about…
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In Sanity
Perhaps you have noticed by now that I am always hijacked whenever I write. I have important, valuable ideas to share and suddenly we veer off into Never Never Land where Ben wants to kill me, boys want to rape me, and so on and so forth. Thus, this diary is written by at least…
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Limbo
I’m a romantic. Without a job. It makes me feel like a loser. “You have a job,” God reminds me. Yeah, yeah. Write a book about rape and fornication so the rest of humanity understands, finally, where they’re going wrong. I get it. Do you get it yet, human bean? She waters the bean and…
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A Sad Truth / Jail Bird
Sexual Harassment only matters to the law if you’re at work. I checked. That means every woman crying over how many men approach her just to be told how sexy they find her is… unprotected. It’s not right. If women are to be allowed to wear whatever they want and avoid appearing as if they…
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She Likes Me!
If she didn’t like me, she wouldn’t have smiled at me, right? The power of the Mona Lisa smile. BEHOLD! It would be nice if the boy actually showed off that he liked me. Then I could almost believe this constant narrative in my head. He really wanted me to buy a slice of pizza,…
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What is your game, God?
Truth or Dare. I dare ya to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, so help you… God. There are many truths… which one do you want? The one about the deli man. The truth has many layers. I believe you are probing for this: I don’t exactly find him attractive. This does not…
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You May Notice a Pattern…
There is a pattern to the way I write this diary. You will notice it now that I point it out. I start trying to write something… anything… and eventually God hijacks whatever I’m saying to get His message out instead. It’s intentional, apparently, because I’ve created an algorithm for giving everyone telepathy and it’ll…
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God is Wise
Men make me sick, God complained to Crystal. She nodded sadly, understanding God’s point of view and His pain. He had, after all, influenced mankind since the beginning, trying to teach them about gentility and how to be noble, honorable, decent beings. How to be righteous. He IS the Supreme Being of Righteousness, after all.…
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Insanity, Reprise
I am annoyed today. “That’s putting it mildly,” pipes up a catty voice. Yeah, well, you’d be annoyed, too, if you had to put up with you all day. Oh, wait. You do. That’s why you’re annoying. Got it. <Hits the ignore button on that voice.> Who’s next? Caitlyn! Oh, hello, Katie. Didn’t get enough…
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So What Are We?
I have been wondering who I am for a while now. If I’m psychic and I’m receiving all the information from the people surrounding me… what part of this is actually me? He’s here again. The grey-eyed man. He’s thinking about me right now. He has been all day, on and off again. I can…
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My Primordial Stench
I am marinating in my mild body odor, sitting here while I contemplate all that is, was, and ever will be. I’m not yet offensive in my own eyes, so it’s neither here nor there that I haven’t taken a shower yet. It’s 2:45 in the afternoon and I know I must wash myself and…
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Open Therapy Reprise
This blog is my self-therapy, insights, sometimes memories, and so on. I know it won’t appeal to most people, but that’s not the purpose for it at all. It will also help you discover telepathy is real. It’ll explain things you never had an explanation for before. I hope with new understanding that you find…
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You Make Me Crazy
“Crystal, what are you going to do if you’re not the messiah?” Nick asked casually last night. “Go on SSI. It’s obvious I’ve lost my fucking mind.” “What are you going to do if you are the messiah?” Ben queried next. “Go on SSI. It’s as humble as you can get, n’est-ce pas?“ … She…
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ADITLO: Being an Ant/Ham Recipes
I’ve told my parents many times now that trying to eat expired food is a bad idea. Yet, they have things with 2013 as the year of expiry. Things in tin cans. Things in plastic jars. They have 19 tinned hams and will not let them go despite the year I found on them being…
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Men, Men Everywhere… Not a One is Single
I suspect even if men were to opt to wear rings when they weren’t on the market, even the ones without rings are still not single. Le gasp! How can this be, mademoiselle? Quite simply, they all have someone specific on their mind already or they’re a horn ball that will fuck anything that moves.…
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I am the Code Cracker.
Reality is written in code. She gives you a moment to process your Matrix “whoa.” Everything — absolutely everything — revolves around unwritten rules. Before we knew what to call Gravity, we interacted with it every day. In fact, it’s friend in chief is Entropy, which we can observe as a small child tears a…
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[Garlic] Cornbread Success!!!!!
Do you know the secret to soft cornbread? We do! You mix the corn meal with your water or milk (or, in our case, “milk.”) You let it sit for at least five minutes. THEN you add your other ingredients. Any powder add-ins that aren’t flour ought to go in before the flour. In this…
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American Singles Awareness Day #1: Thanksgiving
You could have gone from the day after Valentine’s to Halloween single and not been as keenly aware of it as you would be on (US) Thanksgiving. I don’t know if this rings true for Canadian Thanksgiving, so forgive my ignorance. Today is a day of gluttony. We will eat until we cannot move, we…
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Rape Survivor
I am being censored for surviving rape and being willing to talk about it. I looked via Google… apparently 90% of all rape victims stay silent (regarding legal action) and 30% never speak about their experience with another soul. 30%. That’s a lot of people going without a shred of help with the mental state…
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Anthem for the White Woman
Helloween is here, my friends. Short, short skirts and low cut tops and bare arms. All when it’s about the right temperature to make my nipples hard enough to cut glass. I’d rather be warm, but I guarantee that every party will be full of women dressed as sluts because that’s what’s really scary, these…
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Thought Experiment 1,029: Fornicator Eyes
I once put on the eyes of a fornicating man. They swept over the sea of flesh, noting everything tan, beige, khaki, and peach. It’s all the same to these eyes: potential flesh to salivate over. Their eyes will track back to that expanse of flesh-color automatically, unashamed at trying to take in the skin…
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Ode to Sir Deli Man
Deli man, O Deli man, wherefore art thou, Deli man?A pair of piercing grey eyes haunt me, no matter where I turn.The tickle of memory involving your voice confounds meAs I attempt to remember the vibration of your essence.You keep yourself so immaculately; put together to the sameStandards day in and day out, as if…
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Whore, Grief, Courtship
“Where is that whore,” he said, his voice laden with scorn. I heard this in my head today. Whore is not a word I’d typically use, though I know the meaning. SYNONYMS: strumpet, hustler, slut, tramp, escort, harlot, hooker, pro, prostitute, streetwalker, call girl, fallen woman, lady of the evening, working girl. Sex worker. Have…
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A Day In the Life of…
It’s a typical day, y’all. Save world, get boy. There’s a lot of work to do to save the world, though, so I need your help. Think happy thoughts, just like Peter Pan. Your negativity is poisoning The Universe(TM) as we speak and He don’t like it. Peter Pan, obviously! No, wait. The Universe(TM). Brahma,…
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What would you do for True Love(TM)?
I think I’m over it. The idea that true love exists. I wish I wasn’t… I wish I could be my normal optimistic peppy self, the cheerleader for cheerleaders, and tell you all it exists. It doesn’t. It’s a myth. It makes me sick to think it. It makes me sicker to share it. It…
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My Spirit’s Journey
I am nomming on some mixed nuts coated in avocado oil, garlic, and dill seasonings. YUM! (And a few cracks of Himalayan salt, of course.) I sit here, under attack spiritually. This has been the case for eons. But why? Because I’m a beautiful woman that nobody wants to just talk to. This is the…
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Numerology / Pythagoras
I personally put very little faith into anything regarding “divining the future,” but I am still drawn into silly things such as examining my “birth sign” and my “zodiac year” and now, my numerology chart. Why? Because it provides a new way to examine myself, that’s why. If I look at myself through the lens…
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Another Long Day
“Fear holds fast to punishment.” (Part of John 4:18) Fear is not in love, but perfect love hurls out fear since fear holds fast to punishment [again,]; the fearing [one] has not been perfected in love. since fear holds fast punishmentsince fear holds punishment fastsince fear holds fast to punishment There isn’t fear in love,…
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Easy Ways to Feed Old People (or Young People)
It was brought to my attention there are some things I do that could help others make food for an entire week (or even just a few days.) So, without further ado: Life Hack #1: Instant Mashed Potatoes If you’re just going to reheat in the microwave anyway, what’s the point of boiling water to…
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No Recipes For Me
I just spent two hours scouring YouTube for ideas of what to eat. Not a single person who created a video (even the really best ones) made more than one meal in their meal prep planning/execution than I could eat. It seems to me that nobody on planet Earth has my exact dietary restrictions… at…
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“I don’t believe in God,” the messiah said.
That was a long time ago now. She accepts me, thankfully. It was hard living with Her denial. She loved me, She knew She loved me, and yet She didn’t think of me as a reality. “How is that possible, God?” they ask in unison. They were a very astute class, indeed. “Thank you for…