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Category: dark comedy

  • Where the Wind Blows

    “Are you sure there’s no way you’d take Nick back and marry him?” Nick asked, imitating God’s voice.“Nick asked desperately,” God added.“My hidden treasure is next to the virgin sacrifice at the bottom of the volcano. Please retrieve it and I will then, indeed, marry thee!” Crystal declared in a baby-like voice. God had fun […]

  • So What Are We?

    I have been wondering who I am for a while now. If I’m psychic and I’m receiving all the information from the people surrounding me… what part of this is actually me? He’s here again. The grey-eyed man. He’s thinking about me right now. He has been all day, on and off again. I can […]

  • Autism 101: Are We Flirting?

    I am so used to the chaos in my head making assumptions, I’ve completely discounted the idea that I might actually be “flirting” with someone and not realize it. (As usual! Welcome to Autism 101.) I want to flirt. I think, anyway… but are we actually flirting? It’s like a fucking science when it comes […]

  • Hell Hath No Fury…

    like a woman scorned. scorn/skôrn/ noun1. the feeling or belief that someone or something is worthless or despicable; contempt. verb1. feel or express contempt or derision for. Google-dictionary-en One really shouldn’t piss off one’s shaman in a tribe, that much I can tell you for sure. It don’t matter if she’s black or white, man or woman, green or wise; She, the […]

  • What If He’s Still There?

    I wish I still had my singing LG microwave, she thought to herself when confronted once again with the most annoying <beep, beep, beep.> She’d microwaved a mug of water to make some tea, incidentally. I suppose he could still be there, since I also lost track of Blondie around the same amount of time. […]

  • Sticky Fingers

    During the crazy that went through my head these past two years, I clearly remember telling God he got a five-finger discount when it came to convincing me He’s real because someone else did it for him. “What’s your favorite G.I. Joe?” Crystal asked Joe suddenly. “I mean, the only one I can really remember […]

  • Asshole Tax (2)

    The last entry is an example of asshole tax. Nicholas is an asshole, now he does not pass Go, he does not collect $200, and he goes straight to jail. That’s for murdering my precious Earthlings with your lies. So, what exactly is Asshole Tax? I’m so glad you asked! It’s not something the New […]

  • Return to Sender

    I’m puzzled. Supposedly, USPS tried to deliver a letter by certified mail. Just today, a piece of paper was found in the mail box — I absolutely know this piece of paper was inserted after 11/14, because that’s when I checked the mail box myself to find it completely empty. However, this piece of paper […]

  • I Hate Shopping

    There are about three million reasons I hate this activity, but there’s only one that has a name: Ben Vesuvius. That asshole was real good at undermining my personality and expression of self in order to force me to wear whatever he liked better, which had zero taste. What kind of monster loves taupe for […]

  • Men, Men Everywhere… Not a One is Single

    I suspect even if men were to opt to wear rings when they weren’t on the market, even the ones without rings are still not single. Le gasp! How can this be, mademoiselle? Quite simply, they all have someone specific on their mind already or they’re a horn ball that will fuck anything that moves. […]