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Angel-Sansara

Category: dark comedy

  • Collision

    I can hear multiple people thinking about me all at once. One of them is angry at me. “I’ll get you, my pretty!” (except he used my name, of course.) Oh, will you now, ex and rapist motherfucker that you are? I don’t think so! I changed my name. Good luck finding me in the…

  • Hate/Control

    Has anyone ever tried to control you and what you do? It can be subtle, such as asking you to take a compromise that benefits them more than the relationship as a whole, but only by a little bit. It can be overt, too, such as, “Do this thing or I’m breaking up with you!”…

  • Interpreting Images of Humankind

    Hello! I’m on a soul-saving mission these days. I was entertaining God by interpreting images of women and men. There is so much we can communicate in a single look. And my little autistic brain whirred and spun up into a masterpiece that we’ve decided to share with YOU! Our viewer! She feels like she’s…

  • Your Nose Ring Was Crooked

    We barely noticed, to be honest. We were checking out your sleeve instead. (And the rest of you.) Hubba hubba, says the fat girl, and moves along in her lane of loneliness. You know, that’s probably what pains me most about humanity, God posits. I gift you this ethereally beautiful woman and you somehow made…

  • Lost

    I embrace my loss today. I have to move on in a new direction. I am moving away from technology, now that my brain no longer functions, and I’m on the trajectory to becoming a bona fide writer. I’ve written two chapters, which tell a pretty good story… except the sexuality came out already and…

  • Internet Back Alley Deals

    I’m disgusted in one of my acquaintances. I asked him to make a specific kind of application for me twice now. And, twice now, he decided to make something different and try to force me to pay for it. After a week, he finally figured out something to bait me with: Fox, you blog, right?…

  • Healing

    I fell asleep thinking about healing and woke up to remember a dream about healing some shop keeper. A man who had more of a middle eastern kind of market place. I was on an assignment to create software for some brand new casino and needed to eat lunch, so I ordered a handful of…

  • Disdain.

    dis·dain /disˈdān/ Learn to pronounce noun Maybe this isn’t quite exactly the feeling I am immersed in. It could be disappointment, I suppose. Is it too much to ask for a singular man to have interest in a singular lady? Is it too much to ask for True Love(TM)? I didn’t even ask for True…

  • God’s Promise, Part One

    “Well, Nick, you finally did it. You made her fall in love with a man in a grocery deli. Congratulations! You lose the girl!!!!!” God declared, happy to finally move away from this toxic “gentleman.” A “man” who would starve her to try to make her lose weight. A “man” who would feed her that…

  • In Sanity

    Perhaps you have noticed by now that I am always hijacked whenever I write. I have important, valuable ideas to share and suddenly we veer off into Never Never Land where Ben wants to kill me, boys want to rape me, and so on and so forth. Thus, this diary is written by at least…

  • Belling the Cat

    The Mice once called a meeting to decide on a plan to free themselves of their enemy, the Cat. At least they wished to find some way of knowing when she was coming, so they might have time to run away. Indeed, something had to be done, for they lived in such constant fear of…

  • The Frogs & The Ox

    An Ox came down to a reedy pool to drink. As he splashed heavily into the water, he crushed a young Frog into the mud. The old Frog soon missed the little one and asked his brothers and sisters what had become of him. “A great big monster,” said one of them, “stepped on little…

  • Feminist Perspectives on Rape

    An added advantage of a performative account is that it suggests that sexual consent is not a woman’s implied default state, but rather must be actively and affirmatively granted. Stanford Again, this is in contrast to traditional patriarchal views, which often assumed that unless a woman physically resisted—again, even “to the utmost”—a man’s attempt to…

  • What is your game, God?

    Truth or Dare. I dare ya to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, so help you… God. There are many truths… which one do you want? The one about the deli man. The truth has many layers. I believe you are probing for this: I don’t exactly find him attractive. This does not…

  • God is Wise

    Men make me sick, God complained to Crystal. She nodded sadly, understanding God’s point of view and His pain. He had, after all, influenced mankind since the beginning, trying to teach them about gentility and how to be noble, honorable, decent beings. How to be righteous. He IS the Supreme Being of Righteousness, after all.…

  • Where the Wind Blows

    “Are you sure there’s no way you’d take Nick back and marry him?” Nick asked, imitating God’s voice.“Nick asked desperately,” God added.“My hidden treasure is next to the virgin sacrifice at the bottom of the volcano. Please retrieve it and I will then, indeed, marry thee!” Crystal declared in a baby-like voice. God had fun…

  • So What Are We?

    I have been wondering who I am for a while now. If I’m psychic and I’m receiving all the information from the people surrounding me… what part of this is actually me? He’s here again. The grey-eyed man. He’s thinking about me right now. He has been all day, on and off again. I can…

  • Autism 101: Are We Flirting?

    I am so used to the chaos in my head making assumptions, I’ve completely discounted the idea that I might actually be “flirting” with someone and not realize it. (As usual! Welcome to Autism 101.) I want to flirt. I think, anyway… but are we actually flirting? It’s like a fucking science when it comes…

  • Hell Hath No Fury…

    like a woman scorned. scorn/skôrn/ noun1. the feeling or belief that someone or something is worthless or despicable; contempt. verb1. feel or express contempt or derision for. Google-dictionary-en One really shouldn’t piss off one’s shaman in a tribe, that much I can tell you for sure. It don’t matter if she’s black or white, man or woman, green or wise; She, the…

  • What If He’s Still There?

    I wish I still had my singing LG microwave, she thought to herself when confronted once again with the most annoying <beep, beep, beep.> She’d microwaved a mug of water to make some tea, incidentally. I suppose he could still be there, since I also lost track of Blondie around the same amount of time.…

  • Sticky Fingers

    During the crazy that went through my head these past two years, I clearly remember telling God he got a five-finger discount when it came to convincing me He’s real because someone else did it for him. “What’s your favorite G.I. Joe?” Crystal asked Joe suddenly. “I mean, the only one I can really remember…

  • Asshole Tax (2)

    The last entry is an example of asshole tax. Nicholas is an asshole, now he does not pass Go, he does not collect $200, and he goes straight to jail. That’s for murdering my precious Earthlings with your lies. So, what exactly is Asshole Tax? I’m so glad you asked! It’s not something the New…

  • Return to Sender

    I’m puzzled. Supposedly, USPS tried to deliver a letter by certified mail. Just today, a piece of paper was found in the mail box — I absolutely know this piece of paper was inserted after 11/14, because that’s when I checked the mail box myself to find it completely empty. However, this piece of paper…

  • I Hate Shopping

    There are about three million reasons I hate this activity, but there’s only one that has a name: Ben Vesuvius. That asshole was real good at undermining my personality and expression of self in order to force me to wear whatever he liked better, which had zero taste. What kind of monster loves taupe for…

  • Men, Men Everywhere… Not a One is Single

    I suspect even if men were to opt to wear rings when they weren’t on the market, even the ones without rings are still not single. Le gasp! How can this be, mademoiselle? Quite simply, they all have someone specific on their mind already or they’re a horn ball that will fuck anything that moves.…

  • Thought Experiment 26: The Whore of Babylon

    I am woman. I deserve to be loved and cherished. [They Might Be Giants] I deserve to be taken care of emotionally. I deserve to wake up every morning next to my ideal mate. We deserve to smile at each other and start our day off on the right foot, whatever that means for us.…

  • Chez Lazy / What’s For Dinner?

    If you totally missed it, you need to know I live with two elderly people who want to do nothing but watch Star Trek and, once in a while, Family Guy, sitting on their asses all day shoveling food into their mouths. My mom reads books, too. They keep buying food in bulk and bringing…

  • Life’s Tricky / Dry Milk Fudge

    What on Earth can one do with six bags of dry milk? (In fact, I think there were more than that last time I checked, but I’m aware of there being at least six.) This is the insanity of living with old food hoarders, I tell ya. I gave some of the dry milk away…

  • She’s Primed to Go Nova

    She is, yep. She’s going to break any time now. My poor little baby girl. We’ve all adopted her from out here in outer space, taking breaks and passing the baton back and forth to keep her going. She can’t move all of her body by herself, so one of us helps her do that…

  • God Wants to Move Out

    I feel resigned to taking care of my ancient ones. I have no real choice as I struggle to make it back on my feet. I nearly died, and now, two years later, I’m not that much better off. My brain works better than it used to, but I cannot focus on much of anything…

  • I’m No Greta/True Love

    Greta wants to save the world for herself. (And of course everyone in her generation and following her generation.) I don’t give a shit about humans anymore. That’s why I called Them(TM) here. That’s right. I called them. I screamed into the depths of The Universe(TM) as I was dying and they came to me.…

  • In A Tizzy

    He wrapped his arms around her, tears in his eyes. He had no idea how shitty her home life was before God told him all about it. She had not complained once herself, not even while God was on a tirade about how her mother only cooked in that kitchen when she was already using…

  • Top 10 Reasons the She-Hulk Gets Mad

  • Bee Happy

    I’ve been eating honey here and there lately, hoping it would cure any ulcers I’ve obtained. I have some, and it does help. I thank the bees every time I squirt some of my raw honey onto food or into a drink. I like them best over nuts, especially since Cheerios are cross-contaminated with cocoa,…

  • Auterspace(TM)

    I’m going to start evangelizing to save the bees every time I pick up the telephone, I’ve decided. Those cold callers are going to regret existing, God said so. What are they doing, stuffing their faces with convenience food instead of planting flowers?! I’ve begun evangelizing on The Network(TM). I’ve got to do something. I…

  • Diego [Reboot]

    The man with the pony tail. I go to the diner all the time, hoping to encounter him again. I don’t. He was only there once. I loved him in that moment. Maybe I still do. His eyes are dark soulful pools. Like the night without a moon. Only the reflective pinpoints of starlight can…

  • No More Fruit

    Conventional wisdom dictates to me that fruit is a necessary part of any well-balanced diet. I cannot eat it, currently, without feeling over-full for hours. I’ll be giving it a rest because of this. The same with plant milks, which I was using to try to invite more nutrition into my paltry diet. I don’t…

  • Schizophrenia #1

    I love you. I want to be with you forever. I know we’ve never spoken before in person. I know there’s a lot to say and maybe even more to do… but I love you. I can’t get you out of my head. I have tried, but you just won’t leave it, no matter what…

  • My husband Odin is coming home…

    It seems when I fell ill, I created a bit of a mess. I didn’t mean to, you see. I wasn’t even meant to. It was not foreordained a’tall. No, I was supposed to strike it out alone and determine whether or not the gods must return. Well, it’s been determined, children of Earth. We’re…

  • METATRON IS ME

    Metatron is my best self, I’ve realized. The me who tries to make everything less personal so I don’t have to have emotions about it. I don’t have to have feelings about everything happening to me or around me. I don’t have to have feelings about losing my job, moving back in with my parents,…

  • METATRON 100% STABLE. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

    I’m nuts. I gotta be. A few days ago, I was at a merge point in the road. It went from two lanes down to a single lane. This is a typical point where speedsters enjoy using the lane that ends to cut off other drivers. I was driving the speed limit, and suddenly I…

  • Psychic Battles

    I feel like I understand the world these days, but I also know my point of view will be unpopular with most. It returns to a belief I have that I feel will remain unpopular for quite some time: We are all cosmically linked together on a telepathic level. To God, to The Universe(TM), to…

  • A Strange Dream

    I woke up today to a strange dream. I’d gone to the grocery store – Wegmans, I think – and was trying to check out via self-checkout (which I rarely use.) For some reason, all the things in my cart were already in bags and all the bag handles were tied in knots, so I…

  • Emergency Care

    Her soul needed CPR. After eighteen long months, she has a spiritual pulse again. I thought I lost her, y’all. She’s my baby, you know. She’s so sweet and innocent. A fucking unicorn amongst you idiots. More of you could be like her, but I bet you won’t bother or dare. It’s a shame, because…

  • A Day In The Life Of

    Sansara awoke many times throughout the day. She’d fallen asleep when she full well meant to stay awake. That was happening a lot these days. She was fighting cancer, after all, and it was taking its toll on her body. It was shortly after dawn that the vixen had nodded off. She’d been doing yoga…

  • Is My Struggle Your Struggle, Too?

    People like to bitch and moan and whine. All the time, actually. They’re succumbing to the negativity ripple that they experienced from another human being that is further from enlightenment than you or I. Instead of pouring their energy into positive change, into actively making the situation into a different situation to see if the…

  • All Men Are Handsome

    And all women are beautiful. Logically, since beauty is objective and “in the eye of the beholder,” then we can extrapolate that all people are beautiful (or handsome, if you prefer) to someone, somewhere. Therefore, to limit another being based on our own inability to find them to be objectively beautiful to gaze upon is…

  • My Worth

    Feelings of self-worth are… tricky. We are constantly absorbing the information around us, our brains forced to filter out all the chaff from the wheat. But what if your brain cannot filter out the chaff? What if it sits there in your brain, taking up space, until you decide to throw it away? Apparently, self-worth…

  • Where is my honey bunny?

    I buried her under the rubble of my own issues. My misery. I just threw it on top of her, expecting her to get out of the way in time. She doesn’t work like that. She’s shoveling the shit to get to the heart of things. What is wrong with me? That’s a great question.…

  • Dear God,

    I know I’m an atheist, which in my mind means I have no right to talk to you as if you exist. However, I think it’s rude of me to declare you don’t exist, especially when I know Mr. Christ certainly existed. He can exist, be a healer, and there could still be no God.…

  • A God with broad shoulders

    Life is difficult these days. I’ve been trying to clean up decades of neglect and nicotine, which is proving to be a very arduous task indeed. I’m already sick of it and I’ve only been working on correcting it for a month. I wish I’d been well enough to start when I got here, but…

  • Crash Course In Love

    I’ve become accustomed to going to the grocery store without a trace of the deli man to be seen. Nine times out of ten, I don’t see him at all, which suits me just fine since I realized my behavior could be misinterpreted. It was a rough day, figuring out that my disorganized (schizophrenic) memory-based…

  • Twisted Up Inside

    Hi, my name is Crystal and I am certifiably insane. I’ve come to this conclusion many times over the past year and a half. Today is one of those days where I wish I’d never been born. Life is hard enough when you can see reality as it is, nothing more and nothing less. It…

  • It’s Always Ben, Ben, Ben!

    That probably takes you back to the Brady Bunch, if you’re on our wavelength. That’s exactly what he grew up with, too, except his mother is a rape victim who felt voiceless and went a bit crazy thanks to that and now everyone thinks she’s awful for having no internal dialogue. In fact, I think…

  • I Wish A Psycho Murderer Was Coming For Me

    I really don’t like being alive anymore. I’m broken and I cannot get out of this rut I’m in. I need a caped crusader. A knight in shining armor. A Sir Deli Man worth his salt. Save me, please. Your girlfriend is in this castle, sir. She waves a magenta flag out the window. I…

  • I Hate Cheaters

    I can’t think of a time where I found myself a loyal man, sadly. It’s my fault, I think, for pursuing them instead of forcing them to pursue me. But that is rape culture bullshit, and if you buy that, I’ll sell you another one. A person can choose to commit. I don’t sleep with…

  • Bros Before Hos

    Quite the misogynistic phrase, don’t you think? It is rape culture at its finest. Denigrate women, imply they aren’t worthy of being the center of a man’s world, and elevate man above woman. In three little words. What a package! Imply women are objects to have sex with rather than people with thoughts, feelings, and…

  • Learning How To Be A Girl

    Crystal wanted to be a boy, but not sexually speaking. Once Pam came into her life and showed her what being a girl was about, she ran the other way. She heard echoes of Pam and the torture she’d felt with her sister in faux friends that she made over the years. Each “friend” backstabbing…

  • Jerome is God’s Name

    </grain of salt> The following story may be completely fictional. Grab yourself a cup of tea, coffee, a nice large water, a snack, and prepare for the blitz of me telling my story as quickly as possible because I think a psycho murderer is on his way to my door step to kill me. I…

  • Reprise: I’m a ‘Stalker’

    I got off-topic last entry so I’ll try again. There is this guy in the grocery store that I see once in a month or so, at random. One of the times I saw him — September of last year — he caught me staring at his back. He turned around and our eyes met,…

  • Profanity Usage – I’m Sorry

    I’m sorry that I’m getting so worked up I keep resorting to profanity. You might find it hurtful to read, my friend. I do not mean offense to you. I only wish to imply how angry things make me. I will do my best to eliminate profanity going forward.

  • The Holy Bible, PT 2

    I read more than half of the King James Version of The Holy Bible last year. So many people seem to identify in faith as Christian that I was curious what was actually in that text. I was looking for some sort of higher meaning or purpose to life, I must admit. I’ve heard that…

  • Crystal’s Dark Comedy #1

    He’s not jail cute. I have to stay in my lane and put my eyes back on the food. I ran over a phantom dog. Scooby Doo taught me more about life than school ever will.