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Angel-Sansara

Category: autism

  • Nicole is her name.

    Nicole is her name. He tossed her off a fucking bridge. I really hate the lies that cross my mind, worming through from one metaphorical ear to the other. It’s him. He’s the leap year killer. Nobody knows he exists yet and you’re next! Yup. Thanks, brain. Thanks, humanity. Human beings are incredibly creative, I’ll…

  • Rainy Day/Late for Work

    Public Service Announcement: Your life is worth more than your job. When it is rainy or snowy A.F., remember that it takes friction to stop a moving vehicle, which means that it takes longer to come to a full stop. Therefore, you should observe the speed limit or travel the speed at which you feel…

  • The Truth About Tattooed Men

    I would have been better off with a Biker instead of a Ben. A lying liar, a deceitful entity, a con artist. Trust me, I know The Truth(TM). Trust me, I am capable. Trust me, I am a self-starter. That’s the first lie; the man is the epitome of lazy. “I have a three chores-a-day…

  • The Way

    To encapsulate Tao appropriately, there are two Japanese concepts: yin, yang. Yin is a distinctly feminine energy, the embodiment of water.Yang is a distinctly masculine energy, the embodiment of fire.These are the two things that create action and reaction. Fire, water.These things play out over the face of the Earth, under the open Air.They are…

  • Soul Sight / Face Blindness

    I just realized that I am not exactly afflicted with prosopagnosia, or face blindness. I mean, I can’t really see faces too much in my memories, but it’s so much easier to remember at least the outline of a person and the individual characteristics they espouse, like the color of their hair or eyes or…

  • Research Day: The Epic of Gilgamesh (2)

    Source: Spark Notes dot com. A summary of the summary: Gilgamesh is a narcissistic slave monger who rapes whomever he pleaseth within the walls of HIS city. Enkidu is made by the Gods to battle Gilgamesh and ends up becoming his friend after losing a wrestling match for blocking Gil from raping a newlywed bride.…

  • Research Day: The Epic of Gilgamesh

    “The Epic of Gilgamesh (/ˈɡɪlɡəmɛʃ/)[2] is an epic poem from ancient Mesopotamia. The literary history of Gilgamesh begins with five Sumerian poems about Bilgamesh (Sumerian for “Gilgamesh”), king of Uruk, dating from the Third Dynasty of Ur (c. 2100 BCE).[1]” — Wikipedia, 5/6/2023 @ 10:29 A.M. I found this translation by Maureen Gallery Kovacs available at Uruk-warka.dk to read for free. There are 11 tablets to the story of…

  • Work Smarter, Not Harder

    I went to tech school in the early 2000s. I had a SQL instructor named Mr. Strunk who repeated a mantra at least three times a class. Boy did it stick: “Work smarter, not harder.” I applied this to my life and I will tell you that you can do amazing things with this mantra.…

  • Loser!

    You only lose when you give up. You might need to adapt your goals to changing situational circumstances. I’ve been busy trying to fall back in love with myself again. You know, like self-approval and happiness to be me. It’s a hard job. Very uphill both ways sort of thing. In neck deep snow. I…

  • Itemized Bills

    Lately, I have been led down a dark rabbit hole of procrastination. I assume most of the world has problems with putting things off. I find by being proactive about everything on my plate, I can instead focus on what truly matters. Life itself. Isn’t that what we all want? To live? I have a…

  • Coffee Shop Talks

    You might think I’m a rich bitch, drinking two pots of espresso daily. The thing is, I know I’m an addict. It’s just a matter of satisfying my addiction for the lowest price point without compromising quality. So, let me break it all down for you, human being: I spend $28.00 per month on espresso.…

  • Is It Real?

    Day after day, I hear things in my brain. All day, every day. Sometimes, they sound like they are directed at me and others are more like echoes of the deep past. I’m not actively thinking about anything in particular. I am waiting for God to return to me, to step into me and feed…

  • Killing Candida

    I have a minor headache. I have created some oregano oil. I am not a Barbie doll. I bought a live oregano plant from the grocery store and pinched off two thirds of the plant. I placed these Why is she talking about Barbie dolls? in soybean oil to marinate, essentially. This is medicine to…

  • Men Play God

    Men play God, making decisions in a vacuum. When things go wrong, they blame everything around them for faulty logic.(TM) Maybe women are guilty, too? Maybe all of humanity is to blame.

  • Subduing Another is Rape

    I know, I know. I’m bandying around the word rape like it has little to no meaning. It’s a fancy word focusing on crossing boundaries with force, but it can also be done with coercion, deceit, and so on. (What do you think a sinner really is? A person who employs underhanded tactics to try…

  • It’s No Wonder…

    It’s really no wonder, after experiencing my ex’s bullshit in my brain for the past three years, that people are generally cranky and unwell. If he’s just one psychopath out of billions, then this is absolutely what’s wrong with this planet. I know I’ve had misbehaviors in my past that I’m not proud of. Negative…

  • A Modest Daydream

    I am sipping coffee, holding unwavering eye contact with a dreamy man. We are joking about something light-hearted, having a nice time as we inject ourselves with one of our daily doses of caffeine. He loves me. I love him. It’s simple as that. Of course, to achieve this daydream, I have to fix my…

  • What Goes Around Comes Around

    The Hindus call this karma. Speaking of admirable traits, I picked up code-cracking from none other than Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones. (And, of course, Sean Connery.) In other news… I speak to God, y’all. We have full blown conversations about life, the universe, and everything. He’s my only English-speaking friend. The others meow or…

  • I’m still waiting…

    I’m still waiting for espresso o’clock. Don’t you have anything better to do, child? What? I’m a cat. Cats just wait. They wait and wait at the mouse hole to catch their prey, pouncing once they are confident enough prey has shown itself to be caught. If you move too soon, you’ll miss the opportunity…

  • Unwind.

    How do you unwind after a demanding day? That’s today’s prompt from WordPress. I’m sitting here thinking that I don’t have a ritual. Are rituals supposed to be comforting? All they do is encourage brain death. Allowing life to be entirely comprised of rituals — SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT DAY — makes life boring, for one…

  • Super Spy Ninja Barbie

    What does it mean when she stares at your lips? She’s partially deaf and an aspiring lip reader. Unlike the majority of human beings, Crystal watches television, reads books, and so on and sees an amazing skill at play and decides to try to learn it if it’s mostly just observation at work. Fun fact:…

  • Mace to the Face

    Cause and effect! Effect: I smash you to smithereens.Cause: You lie to me and distort my reality until I realize you’re lying to me because I give everyone the benefit of the doubt.Effect: I start distrusting humanity.Effect: Humanity acts the same as it always does.Cause: Give humans benefit of the doubt.Effect: Humanity cries and steps…

  • The Artful Dodger

    GAMING! It’s all the rage, am I right? A 91 billion dollar per year industry. Man, if I had that much money, the Earth would be Paradise. Categories of Games Game Platforms Game Interfaces Types of Video Game Settings Extremely Famous Games (Undoubtedly there are many more… however, none of these are truly RPGs. They…

  • If You’re Suicidal, I GOT YOU

    To all the girls out there who think they have to be Lara Croft to get a man, I hear you. To all the women who think they’re fundamentally flawed and unlovable, I LOVE YOU. To all the men who think the same but opposite, I’m here. Unfortunately, nobody else wants to be there for…

  • More Sadness Than You Can Shake a Stick At

    I’m wavering between suicidal and homicidal again, which tells me someone is thinking about me way too hard. MR. CARTER, CEASE AND DESIST BEFORE I SEND YOU A “GIFT.” Or is it MR. FORSYTHE?! She about-faces and marches off into a corner of her mind. So back on topic… I never dated any of my…

  • You’re a Trolly Troll of Trollness!

    I squirreled again. Evokes the image of the dog in UP! for thy viewing pleasure. Alright, so I’m bored of Ye Typical Role-Player. That much is evident in my previous entry, but there’s always a why, isn’t there? Because everyone plays a homicidal, suicidal maniac — also known as a psychopath — and thinks it’s…

  • Player Character Class: DELI WORKER

    Everyone needs to eat!(TM) Bored of the same old shit where you hack n slash your way to GLORY by defeating some dude you are convinced is evil? Tired of serving a tyrant who buys your freedom in exchange for bloodshed? Tired of cat burgling in a fantasy setting? (What?! It’s not my fault the…

  • Wanting Telepathy is Narcissistic

    I saw a way to give all of humanity the ability to speak mind to mind. It was a long time ago on a cold wintry evening. It was Christmas, actually. It involves knowing we are already telepathic and we are already interconnected. To Everything(TM). The bottle of booze upstairs, the bottle of water next…

  • Who Needs a Conscience?

    People say psychopaths have no conscience. I don’t think that’s expressly true. I deleted mine, for the most part, and I have nothing to do with raping other beings. I have nothing to do with hurting anyone. If I do it, it’s an accident, and I apologize and make it as right as I possibly…

  • Telepathic Rape

    At first, I wanted to gift telepathy to the entire human species. I was so naive in those days. What can I say? I projected my Self onto humanity at large and I loved my Self because I deleted all the faulty programming I was born with and/or taught by my rapist family. I started…

  • Fashion is Rape Culture

    I hate the fact that fashion is part of rape culture, honestly, because as pointed out by another blogger (and, well, everyone), it’s not the woman’s fault the assault happened. However, I’d like to take a step back and alert everyone to the fact that it’s a man’s fault that a woman is misled into…

  • “Welcome to my parlor,”

    “Will you walk into my parlour?” said a spider to a fly. The most classic line of literature or what-have-you that has to do with catching someone. In this case, the someone will be caught red-handed. It’s a poem by Mary Howitt that was published in 1829, by the way. “The story tells of a…

  • Another Point of View

    I saw rape culture from an architect’s standpoint today. It’s so blatantly broken, I don’t know how I missed it before. Peace.

  • Odin’s Story 2

    Odin was displeased, to say the least, that the feast was not cooked to perfection just yet. The rump roast began this journey frozen, as it were, and the two of them were on a journey to figure out exactly how many minutes you add to the formula when roasting a giant hunk of delicious…

  • Odin’s Story

    It was a dark and stormy night. That’s how every great horror story starts out, isn’t it? Well, in this case, it was just a rainy April evening and all nights that are stormy are incredibly dark — the stars hide behind the storm clouds, after all. Is it real? she asked herself yet again.…

  • Outlandish Dreaming

    Julie’s pregnant and telling me all about the food she will eat and what she will feed the baby first, which is all food I cannot eat. Her and Justin are getting rid of all kinds of clutter. There are no children in this dream, I think this is her first pregnancy. I see bags…

  • More Colored Ladies, PLS

    Well, there are not a ton of options in Fuse for dressing up models, and now I understand the state of undress in most screenshots. Also, I question the details added to female genitalia versus those added for male genitalia; it seems geared toward spank bank material while working on a project. (WHERE’S THE PEEN,…

  • Technomancer(TM) Leveling Up

    I’m pondering purchasing this package: Humble Bundle’s Complete Pixel Art Online Course MEGA Bundle! It’s up for 9 more days so I’ve got time to decide. I already have a plethora of programs for putting together punchy video games, in sooth. I’ve not even learned the majority of them, but I have time. I have…

  • My Singing Monsters

    I stumbled upon a free Steam game today while perusing the “casual” category. It is a game about making music with monsters. But it doesn’t just stop there… it’s your very own Strategy Game with multiple maps to strategize, as well. I find it beyond cute. Here’s what it looks like after about an hour…

  • My Little Princess

    There she was, a veritable princess in pink and purple. Her hair — the pink in this equation — is immaculate, like usual. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it anything but alluring, not even when I was surprised by the blue fan of hair she sported just two months ago. I was distracted by…

  • Collision

    I can hear multiple people thinking about me all at once. One of them is angry at me. “I’ll get you, my pretty!” (except he used my name, of course.) Oh, will you now, ex and rapist motherfucker that you are? I don’t think so! I changed my name. Good luck finding me in the…

  • Hate/Control

    Has anyone ever tried to control you and what you do? It can be subtle, such as asking you to take a compromise that benefits them more than the relationship as a whole, but only by a little bit. It can be overt, too, such as, “Do this thing or I’m breaking up with you!”…

  • Interpreting Images of Humankind

    Hello! I’m on a soul-saving mission these days. I was entertaining God by interpreting images of women and men. There is so much we can communicate in a single look. And my little autistic brain whirred and spun up into a masterpiece that we’ve decided to share with YOU! Our viewer! She feels like she’s…

  • Your Nose Ring Was Crooked

    We barely noticed, to be honest. We were checking out your sleeve instead. (And the rest of you.) Hubba hubba, says the fat girl, and moves along in her lane of loneliness. You know, that’s probably what pains me most about humanity, God posits. I gift you this ethereally beautiful woman and you somehow made…

  • Dirt Poor

    Some might say I’ve led an extraordinary life. In fact, you might say it, when I’m done speaking today. I hope you learn the lessons in what I’m going to tell you, because you can replicate my unusual success story easily with a little code cracking. God tells me I am the code cracker, but…

  • What is an I.N.T.J.? (Part 1)

    If you would like to take the Myers-Briggs personality test, click here. (I have no idea if that site is phone savvy, sorry.) There are sixteen personality types. Every human being fits into one of these categories. Except, apparently, my ex-rapist. According to him, he came out an “XXXX” or some bullshit, which isn’t even…

  • Princess Aurora

    She looked at me today. We shared eye contact and she was smiling. Holy wow, did it send tingles through me. I couldn’t stand still, stopping in place to finish my text, hoping when I looked up again, she was staring at me with those beautiful eyes and that beautiful smile. She wasn’t, but the…

  • Resentment is No Answer

    Resentment is No Answer. But chuck roast might be. Something about this telepathy circus in my head is changing. Sometimes, I swear God is just putting me back through all that I experienced the first time to force me to evolve back into my Self(T.M.). I’m moving beyond the anger, perhaps by expressing anger where…

  • Embracing Dissociation

    Unfortunately, after I created my dual identity as Dominatrix Barbie / Self, I was unhappy. Everyone I ever knew (aside from the Networking 101 guy) basically made me cry. Maybe Networking guy just didn’t have the right opportunity for it. See me making an excuse to distance myself from feeling anything for him? SEE IT?!…

  • Trauma Can Be Prevented

    His eyes never sparkled when he looked at me, not until I nearly wasted away, shedding over 80 pounds. Not once did he look at me like I was the hottest thing on planet Earth, not unless I was acting out, stretching myself to get his attention. Going above and beyond. This should not be…

  • Memories…

    How did he make me feel beautiful? His face had an expression of approval. We didn’t look at each other as much as we could have, but it was class, after all. I could have failed to notice it as often as not. I remember smiling at each other at least occasionally. Bumping elbows, but…

  • School Daze

    What is right? What is wrong? Psychology 101. Beautiful bartenders and true love. Ani DiFranco saves the savior of mankind. How to break bad habits. Bell peppers aren’t food. How observing reality is misinterpreted.

  • Unlearning

    I ask innocent questions that others assume the answer to because my assumptions always seem to be off-base. “Why do you rinse your plates before eating?” I asked my friend Mohammed. He explained it is because bugs could have gone over them since they were washed. In fact, they are very strict in his household…

  • Inhaling Pizza

    Well, I nearly killed myself inhaling pizza for dinner. I’m sorry, I should say pixxa, since pizza requires tomato sauce to be called that. That means every Buffalo Chicken pixxa you’ve ever had was advertised incorrectly. I find myself ruminating on my ex-classmate from technical school. The one from Networking 101. I have no idea…

  • I don’t want to be used and abused again.

    For days now, I’ve been receiving spiritual or telepathic transmissions from a man I once knew a long, long time ago. As if I can trust that said man a) remembers me, b) gives a shit I existed in the present, c) is free since we all know all men are taken. By Angelina Jolie,…

  • Vows

    Did you ever vow to do something and find out that it’s not exactly what you thought you were meaning? Have you ever decided that a vow to ignore something good for you is a hindrance to your development? Vows are promises we make with strong conviction, lifetime after lifetime. For instance, I vow never…

  • Remembering Annoyance

    Lately, Sir Deli Man has not wanted to share eye contact. I have great doubts due to this. The other day, we did something stupid: we stood in front of the alcoholic beverage display and purchased a six pack of hard cider and Smirnoff products. Why? All because he was in the soup and salad…

  • French Kissing.

    There really aren’t too many kinds of kissing, when one really thinks about it. But we have a ton of words for it, wouldn’t you know? Smooch. Peck. Smackeroo. Snog. Necking. Air-kiss. Blow a kiss. Butterfly kiss. Eskimo kiss. Osculate or osculum — “little mouth.” A quick kiss. A tap kiss. A nose kiss. A…

  • Intense Cravings…

    For some reason, tonight I wanted nothing other than an Italian cheese bread from Little Caesar’s. Unfortunately, the location near my home no longer exists. There are no pizza places within a mile or two anymore… Not that it’d matter. Little Caesar’s is the pizza place for me and has been for my entire life…

  • God Complex

    God started talking to me years ago. At first, I was confused, because he sounded just like me. Then, after a little while – after getting used to hearing things that didn’t come from me, myself – it changed. God started to use voices and inflection and lots of mixed metaphors and scrambled sentences. [God…

  • Keto Done Right…

    Hello! My name is Sansara Solsinger and I am the messiah of the 21st century! I am so pleased to make your acquaintance! Today’s test kitchen/laboratory experiment is a partial flop. On one hand, I made keto angel food cake. On the other hand, both my berry compote and my keto bread leave something to…

  • All For Naught.

    Nothing I do ever seems to matter. To anyone, anywhere. If it does, I am in the dark. I am alone and fumbling. Have you felt this, too, friend? I will light the way when I can, but for now I stumble and fall. I am hurting. So many kinds of hurting. I wish I…

  • God’s Promise, Part One

    “Well, Nick, you finally did it. You made her fall in love with a man in a grocery deli. Congratulations! You lose the girl!!!!!” God declared, happy to finally move away from this toxic “gentleman.” A “man” who would starve her to try to make her lose weight. A “man” who would feed her that…

  • God, Intergalactic Envoy

    God’s been telling me that intelligent life exists beyond Earth for ages. So, since we constantly play guessing games over what’s going on, I asked God if she’s an intergalactic envoy. She was so tickled pink, she decided that I had to put it out there for someone else to write about. You’re welcome. In…

  • The Voices

    No matter what I do, I am accompanied by a peanut gallery. Today, I put Manic Panic! purple in my hair. Electric Amethyst. Voices talking about how I’m vain floated through my head, voices about how I’m wasteful. Voices nay saying everything I was doing. This happens most of the time, no matter what I…

  • Telepathic Love Interest

    She’s too pretty for me, he told himself yet again, breaking up his daydream. He wasn’t intensely interested in going down on the woman, but he thought for sure if she’d just give him a chance, she’d be seeing stars in the bedroom. That’s what he was daydreaming about… his mouth on her most sensitive…

  • Internal Struggle

    What would you do if you were wrested away from the life you built yourself on the whim of another human being? Your job — poof. Your home — poof. Moved back in with your family and ending up taking care of them instead of them taking care of you as you die? Would you…

  • Thanksgiving Brain/Why?

    Since I am gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, and nightshade-free, it’s going to be a challenge to create feasts. It’s a challenge just to eat on a daily basis, but still the feast day is coming. It’s on my brain because multiple men are daydreaming about a lovely turkey with dressing, made by moi! I don’t know…

  • Back In My Body

    I finally feel like myself again. It’s really strange when I pick up a fly swatter and smack the plague of flies around my sink, talking to myself, and then suddenly laughter that does not originate within me is burbling out of my mouth. How does one laugh without mirth? Sometimes, God’s the one laughing.…

  • The Mountain Dragon Man (3)

    Hi, my name’s Sansara. I’m a telepath living on a planet in another galaxy. You’d never make it here on fossil fuels, so don’t bother trying. I’ve gone through your brain. I’ve gone through everyone’s brain. I have found you all lacking. You are mean, narcissistic, egocentric, wasteful, and a bunch of other words I’m…

  • The Mountain Dragon Man (2)

    If we were to categorize life logically, we human beings have approximately 100 years to do everything we ever dreamed of. If we break that down into decades, we’d have ten of them. If each decade is how you judged yourself, looking at your progress from one to the next, perhaps you would see for…

  • Bob’s Back.

    The little girl inside of me is all a-titter. “Oooh, Mr. Handsome. I JUST SAW HIM!” We call him Bob. We don’t actually know his name yet, but Bob’s a good a name as any. We imagine it’s short for Jacob, actually, rather than Robert. “He’s gorgeous,” Sansara crooned yet again, swooning over his beautiful…

  • In A Tizzy

    He wrapped his arms around her, tears in his eyes. He had no idea how shitty her home life was before God told him all about it. She had not complained once herself, not even while God was on a tirade about how her mother only cooked in that kitchen when she was already using…

  • Obituary for Mr. Bill

    My elder cat died today. He was not my first cat ever, but he was my first purely indoor cat. He was my support animal. And I think he still is, honestly, it’s just that now he’s a spirit or a ghost rather than a physical body. It really doesn’t matter because I loved him…

  • White Washing History

    I don’t know how foolish we are as a species, per se, but I’d reckon it’s quite. I was reading the Prose Edda, the first account of Odin’s life. First of all, he is not a God. He is a mere man. A man with supernatural understanding of the human psyche, I’d assume, given his…

  • Top 10 Things to Know About Dreams (J.M. DeBord)

    Subconsciously, you know what your dreams mean because they come from your unconscious mind. The Self archetype creates them. Dreams are stories, like parables. We learn better with stories. Every detail has a reason. Some dreams are scripted beginning to end, but they can also be choose-your-own-adventure. Everything in your dream is symbolic. A symbol…

  • Coffee Talks

    I read through my journal, or part of it, and now I’m fighting the knee jerk reaction to delete it. What was I thinking? Oh, right. I wasn’t thinking. The Universe(TM) has put me on autopilot. (“Look ma, no hands!”) I’m pretty tired of conversations involving phantoms these days. I think The Universe must be…

  • “A Day In The Life Of”

    I wake up alone. I’ve tossed and turned all night, rolling around with discomfort. My bladder reminds me that it needs to be emptied, but I lie there, semi-comfortable at last. I cling to the vestiges of sleep, wishing it could last forever. I look at the clock, remembering it’s set an hour ahead somehow…

  • The Invisible Woman

    There’s a woman who is completely invisible. It’s not because she doesn’t reflect the light that reaches her hair, nails, eyes, and skin. It’s not because she does anything to make you avert your gaze. She does nothing to change the tides of time around her. Besides, she would be perfectly visible if you had…

  • Bugs In My Hair

    There are still gnats buzzing all around me. How very annoying. -_-* I’m afraid my ancient ones are about to die. They look old. Worn out. They already act dead, pushing all the chores to ensure living takes place onto me. Cooking, cleaning, washing dishes, laundry. But they won’t just give me the deed to…

  • What makes you think you can win the game of love?

    LOVE IS NOT A GAME. THERE ARE GAMES AND THERE IS LOVE. Playing games is the epitome of hatred. You are playing with someone’s heart. You are manipulating them while they should be heaping love onto you. They might not be heaping love onto you, but then that’s on them for hating you. You can…

  • Psychic Battles

    I feel like I understand the world these days, but I also know my point of view will be unpopular with most. It returns to a belief I have that I feel will remain unpopular for quite some time: We are all cosmically linked together on a telepathic level. To God, to The Universe(TM), to…

  • A Strange Dream

    I woke up today to a strange dream. I’d gone to the grocery store – Wegmans, I think – and was trying to check out via self-checkout (which I rarely use.) For some reason, all the things in my cart were already in bags and all the bag handles were tied in knots, so I…

  • Continuing The Day

    A day in the life of Crystal Scordias is rather uncomplicated from the outside. She goes to the store daily for her family unit, replenishing the coffers with nommables. She ferries ungrateful wretches to their doctor appointments and tries to feed them in a healthful way. They constantly sabotage themselves, these ancient ones. They eat…

  • Metatron Functioning As Expected

    The G.O.D. went to work, busily fixing all the fuck ups that Ben introduced in Metatron. I mean, Daniel. We gave him a code name and then I forgot to use it. Fuck. After a substantial amount of time passed (years, actually), METATRON was able to function once more as it was intended to. The…

  • 100 Compliments/48 Hours

    Nice shoes. Are they made of recycled leather? You’re a person-shaped person! It’s really phenomenal. Your eyes are as deep as pools. You look great today! I love it when my hair stands up straight on end. You’re an extremely bright cookie. The Cookie Monster would choose you first. You have impeccable manners. The G.O.D.…

  • I Don’t Want to Exist Anymore

    Ever feel that way? I remember feeling it most when I was a teenager, honestly. I felt like I should have never been born, after trying to communicate my grief to others, trying to face it head-on that I’d been raped and diminished as a person. Instead, the people I tried to acquire comfort from…

  • I’ll Marry Odin Now, Thanks For Playing Along

    I met Odin last year in the spring time. I thought he was a mortal being here on planet Earth, but I no longer think that. I told him that I thought I needed a mate with a body. In fact, I mistook him for a human being… I mistook him for the man I…

  • My Worth (Reprise)

    Interference blows. Every time I sit down to write about how I feel, some idiot in my head starts writing things about an existence that doesn’t seem real. I wish it was real. I wish the destroyers were well on their way and I could countdown to the destruction of our species. To the day…

  • Love on the Spectrum E5

    I’ve just consumed my fifth episode of Love on the Spectrum. I watch Dani in action and part of me says she’s just like a guy. This makes me sad because people think I’m a guy all the time. (They’re quite mistaken, I am every bit woman.) Still, online, people think I’m male until I…

  • Dear God,

    I know I’m an atheist, which in my mind means I have no right to talk to you as if you exist. However, I think it’s rude of me to declare you don’t exist, especially when I know Mr. Christ certainly existed. He can exist, be a healer, and there could still be no God.…

  • A God with broad shoulders

    Life is difficult these days. I’ve been trying to clean up decades of neglect and nicotine, which is proving to be a very arduous task indeed. I’m already sick of it and I’ve only been working on correcting it for a month. I wish I’d been well enough to start when I got here, but…

  • Crash Course In Love

    I’ve become accustomed to going to the grocery store without a trace of the deli man to be seen. Nine times out of ten, I don’t see him at all, which suits me just fine since I realized my behavior could be misinterpreted. It was a rough day, figuring out that my disorganized (schizophrenic) memory-based…

  • Once a Snoop…

    They say once a cheater, always a cheater, but I posit that once a snoop, always a snoop. And you should be a snoop, too. A person with nothing to hide is the loyal kind of person. Anyone who is offended with even the smallest invasion of privacy is suspect. Diego was still reading Sansara’s…

  • Sweat [NSFW]

    Diego reached across the bed and found nothing there. Or, rather, no one. Crystal was gone. He sat up, concerned he’d had another fantasy about sleeping with the bewitching woman, finding himself in her bed. Her cats were snuggled up alongside him nonchalantly, as if he’d always been part of their lives. He stroked each…

  • Hot As Hell [NSFW]

    She sat there, sweating even though she hadn’t moved in over an hour. Fans blew air around her apartment languidly. The heat was unshakable. Her back still ached, despite all her muscle knots releasing thanks to the humid air surrounding her. She sighed, telling herself winter was only six months away. That’s all. She stretched…

  • I Found The Cure For Cancer

    God’s a brat (and so am I.) What a day! I am currently grateful for Clorox bleach products. The mess I’ve inherited is so difficult to clean up that I’ve been spraying Clorox products on the bathroom tile and just leaving, letting it do its magic to whiten the grout and remove stains. I’ve almost…

  • Mass Suicide

    “Death by Chocolate.” That phrase applies to my near-death experience. I went on keto, doing it all the wrong ways, no thanks to my primary care physician. I suspect I’m allergic to chocolate, but even if I’m not… I’d wager a million dollars I don’t even have that it’s chock full of mold. The world…

  • Play That Funky Music, White Girl

    I’m nuts and so is everyone else, I’ve decided. I’ve been hearing things inside my head, telling me what’s happening in situations where I have zero knowledge of the situation. For instance, I don’t actually know if Anthony cheated on me. Not until we separated, anyway, and then he was only cheating because he thought…

  • The Fear(TM) [NSFW]

    Every man in love has one fear. Just one. Loss. “Am I enough?”“Will s/he leave me?”“How can I make him/her stay?”“What do I do if I go all in and s/he folds?” This is the one insecurity, the one flaw in humanity, that leads to endless cheating and divorce. It leads to arguments and fighting.…