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If You’re Suicidal, I GOT YOU

To all the girls out there who think they have to be Lara Croft to get a man, I hear you. To all the women who think they’re fundamentally flawed and unlovable, I LOVE YOU. To all the men who think the same but opposite, I’m here.

Unfortunately, nobody else wants to be there for you, pushing you off to a therapist first chance they get, citing how they’re unqualified to take on your problems when all they have to do is LISTEN!

I can tell you what’s wrong with the world at large:

  1. All men think they have to have a monster peen to get an “ideal” woman.
  2. All women think they have to have a tiny waist and flat belly to get an “ideal” man.
  3. All people everywhere are fooled into thinking perfection is obtainable by a psychopath. Nothing is perfect. Everything is evolving. Let the chips fall where they may.

There is no such thing, madame. There is no such thing, m’lord! Has an Ultima flashback suddenly. How is it that I can buy Ultima 1-9 on GoG for $30.00 and not a penny goes to the creator? God says he makes nothing and therefore does not give a fuck if it’s stolen or not. This makes me sad. Lord British, I LOVE YOU!

Why? Why do I love Lord British?! It’s simple: Virtues. He brought up the topic, he kept it alive for a fucking decade, and it was absolutely part of my developmental years. I even played Ultima 8 long before I should have thanks to lack of parental discretion. I basically raised myself after a point, so, you know. I was pretty much an adult around age 16. I don’t feel like I’ve grown that much since then, to be honest.

Anyway, let’s talk about the pink elephant in the room: VIRTUE.

VIRTUE: behavior showing high moral standards. Thanks, Googs.

I made a list of virtues once, not that long ago. I was working on an Udemy course before my insanity decided to redirect me. Every time I get somewhere with creating or producing something that could earn me money, whatever is going on with me flairs up like a terrible case of gout and suddenly I’m banging my head against the door frame, screaming in frustration and demanding DEATH OR CAKE. Or maybe it’s just death. (I heart Eddy Izzard.)

The list came out to be like 150, I swear. I could be mis-remembering, but it was definitely a hell of a lot more than 8, which is what Ultima deals with specifically. It’s cool, though, he picked an important 8 out of them all, but there are so many more that could have been used. I even thought about inserting them into a video game that I am working on producing, but I haven’t decided how to do that… I either have to cull the list so I can address them very thoroughly, make an entirely too epic game of some 5000 hours to play, or be very shallow with it. I don’t like the last one and I don’t really like the first option, either, so making a game of about 5,000 hours of play time is probably going to be the winner – or perhaps a series of games, so nobody gets bored not having met the win condition yet. (Is that a thing? If that’s a thing, screw you; it’s gonna be LONG. I have a very long tale to tell.)

I already started it but it’s on pause because I ran out of funding. Don’t worry, I won’t be begging the likes of you, a poor innocent bystander of a reader, for your hard-earned cash, though now that I said that I suppose I could crowd fund it. (But then what would you get in return? Hmmm. I know all about crowd fund bribes nowadays.)

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