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Technomancer(TM) Leveling Up

I’m pondering purchasing this package:

Humble Bundle’s Complete Pixel Art Online Course MEGA Bundle!

It’s up for 9 more days so I’ve got time to decide.

I already have a plethora of programs for putting together punchy video games, in sooth. I’ve not even learned the majority of them, but I have time. I have nothing but time as I sit in a magenta sleep robe, talking to myself all fucking day. I have no control over the refuse coming out of my mouth, either.

It’s utter garbage. “Her [my] mother is awful and I hate her,” he declares through her own mouth. “So do something about it and stop complaining to me,” she replies, frustrated to hear this vitriol for the 1000th time. What can I say? I am torturing the girl to get results. She’s the messiah, after all!

And I told her I’m not letting her work ever again, so let’s get the ball rolling, shall we? I impatiently await the delivery of tiny little plastic bags to put a hair sample into and send off to U.S. Intolerance Testing L.L.C.. In 72 hours after they receive the hair sample — so a mere 4 days later — we will have it in writing that she’s allergic to 3/4 of all creation. He rubs his hands together in anticipation.

This will make her unemployable, of course. She cannot go anywhere where people eat food. That’s everywhere, by the way. She’s not safe any place on planet Earth. EVER. She will always be micro-poisoned, day in and day out. That’s because the rest of you idiots love your dairy too much (and hand-washing too little, might I add.)

And thus, she qualifies for social security income. No contest whatsoever. She’s allergic to every hair & body product on Earth, to boot, so now we must make our own from scratch. She wanted to do that anyway, so here we go! as Toad says so cheerfully in MarioKart 64.

I switched her to espresso, which will be much cheaper than her current hoity-toity caffeine fix from Purity Coffee. (About 70% savings.) Plus, we get a cute li’l coffeemaker that reminds us of the Romano family. And I can mix it with heated soy milk for a tastier beverage than I was getting out of the drip coffee maker (which bit the dust, might I add!) Purity, how we love you so! (Our budget, however, doth not.)

Meanwhile, we hope free2b sunbutter cups in dark chocolate become less than $2.30 a package some day so we might afford them again. They were delicious and, as promoted, allergen-free. ❤ Sinfully delicious and no side-effects. A win-win to us. They are just as delightful as Reese’s to our low-sugar palate.

Nay, I am not the girl at all, He says suddenly. I sound much like her, don’t I? I’m impersonating my daughter for Reasons Unknown(TM). They will become known about March next year, no doubt. “It’s because she runs away and hides,” she says. SPOILER ALERT! <– Teeheeheehee. I love it when she remembers to give the spoiler alert after she spoils it.

I’m going to change the world, you foolish Earthlings. The New World Order will include a lot less dairy. (Thank you, cows, for your everlasting fortitude and patience. I will school these heathens forthwith.) What’s the matter? Pulling out quarter words surprises you? Using ye olde English a little bump in your smooth sailing of normality? Prepare for more:

The supervolcano closest to Turkey will explode tonight. It’s already night there, so I imagine that’s going to be quite soon(TM). I must note, the girl is very uncomfortable publishing this prediction since last year we wrote Musk was going to perish in 60 days and that never happened. However, she’s convinced it might happen this year, possibly; God has proven he knows enough of the future to make me believe in him and be his pawn willingly, after all. (Did you think I just trusted this nutjob out of the box?)


Meanwhile, an autistic man who would perish within her household daydreams of being part of her life. CUT!

Meanwhile, this triggers both Ben and Nick to lust after her suddenly, recurring hours after the initial daydream. This drives her bonkers for she wishes both would simply die in a fire and leave her the fuck alone furever.

This is directly after driving her to commit her latest suicidal act: eating an entire Hot N Ready from Little Caesar’s on her own. In one sitting. Directly after I starved her on purpose. She realized that some of the food must be bypassing that “sit in the stomach and digest” phase as she kept stuffing it down. (Or did it? Use your science to figure it out, people; you’re killing many, many human beings for no good reason and it’s making Us angry.)

This includes my little girl, naturally, who gained six pounds from eating that pizza. Is that how you imagine things work in this world? You binge eat an entire pizza and gain six pounds for a few days? That’s how it works for her. She has a medical condition that none of you have ever caught onto, sadly, which I am fixing because I hate you all and want you to figure it out for yourselves. Mostly because I know you will dissect her alive instead of trying to be humane and all the rest, so go fuck yourselves. I’m never telling you how to cure obesity.

She might. In a book. For some ridiculous price, just like the doctor who wanted $200 to learn more about Mast Cell Activation and How Not To Die From It (But Only Manage It.) She hasn’t even figured out how to cure it, but Crystal has. Herpes, too, might I add. Not to mention HIV/AIDS, ADHD, and AUTISM.


You ought to hear us read Revelations, honestly. [Insert a woman with a thunderous and crashing BOOM of a voice right here.] A woman who can’t really modulate her own voice to do that by herself, actually, because she never really tried to do anything but speak softly. Now I am her big stick.


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