I ran out of meat and I’m waiting for a new Sam’s Club membership card to arrive in the mail since mine expired, thus I had to dig into the depths of the freezer. I’m okay with this because turkey is great. I have one more turkey in there, then I will unplug the freezer and lower the electric bill. After I clean it out, I will dive into the other freezer (my parents were prepared to be snowed in for months, apparently, even though global temperatures are on the rise thanks to far too much blacktop on every single fucking continent — put eco roofs over the parking lots, assholes!) And then I will clean out the other freezer and try to eliminate both freezers.
That ought to save a few hundred a year.
I’m working on saving and maximizing our funds. I even signed up for food stamps, now that my father has passed away and we won’t be getting enough to pay for the family. (I think we were paying about $200 extra after food stamps to live, which isn’t so bad, and I should have signed up sooner, but I’ve been incredibly ill, sadly.)
I also harbored the erroneous hope that I would be back to work already.
Everything is changing very quickly these days. I feel like I was stuck in limbo for an eternity and suddenly now I am losing weight, I am getting chores and things done, I am going above and beyond just a little bit here and there. The kitchen is nearly spotless, I’m on top of the dishes, and I’ve alienated some crap to de-clutter. Sharon Ramel is an impetus to this change. [Click here for a free Udemy course that contains the material in question.]
I even opened a Fiverr account to start to give healing. I wish someone would tell me they’re interested but the price is daunting or something; I would gladly do a few 50% or 75% discounts (depending on God’s will) just to get some ratings. Maybe more… He told me the Kundalini attunement is going to be a hot sale item. I believe it only because it gets a lot of views… hardly a click-through, though. Hell, I’d give it away for free if I could, but Fiverr is all about the dough.
I really don’t want to need public assistance. I don’t want to be labeled crazy or insane just to heal the universe as I promised God. He told me once all I have to do is write, but I’m interested in creating an anime, as well. The topics will include psychology, self-discovery, True Love(TM) — if I ever find it myself, and spirituality. They are all intertwined in ways you can see with enough input.
That’s right. I’m just like Johnny 5. NEED MORE INPUT!!!!!
Some of us have more empathy for robots than critters. You’re going to regret that stance, son, God echoes in the back of my mind. I have empathy for both. I cried yesterday because I didn’t save the foolish ants on my oven before they got so hot they started to squirm and spasm in agony. I was upset I didn’t react sooner; I could have saved them all.
God tells me natural selection is still a thing. Now that I’ve saved a few from the oven, it’s likely they will expect it to happen again. My ants used to avoid hopping on my hand for a ride somewhere, but these days it’s old hat to them. So I scooped up five of them yesterday, although I was blatantly way too late for one of them and I suspect too late for two more. My brain wasn’t in ant empathy mode, so even though I knew the oven was getting hotter and I saw them on it, I didn’t recognize the fact that they were going to die if they stayed the course immediately.
I’m limited like that. I accept that I am limited. I am not perfect. I will never be perfect.
I am less limited in some ways than before, thanks to social programming. I am more limited than in some ways than before, thanks to social programming. Some things are worth unlearning because they do not serve me no more. This is the Way of the Tao.
I re-read the whole Tao about six times, and each chapter is scheduled to drop one day at a time for those who don’t want to binge. Those who want to reflect more deeply on each and every poem. I went through them all multiple times to try to tag the themes. Something tells me that The Master wrote tons of poetry and only what is in Tao Te Ching has survived the ages. This is how all epic volumes of poetry have persisted; a larger body of work was narrowed down to the best of the best so that others could bypass excess.
The main themes of the Tao are:
Virtue. Love. Avoiding excess. Knowing when to stop. Consent. Governing without governing. Mastery of skill, craft, knowledge, and understanding. Being gentle.
I realized as I read these again and again that I am the Tao already. I always was… until I was led astray by “Satan,” a man who confused me by proving in action we were married but in words said we were not. He hurts to this day from this. I, on the other hand, have received Divine Therapy to get over it. [That hurt, too, but I feel better.]
What is Divine Therapy?
God, in a nutshell. She loves her Creation, which is also mentioned in the Tao. She is the Tao. Tao is God. Does the Tao have one ounce of worship for God? Not really. It has respect for everything.
God tells me I am already the Tao because I am She; I am Her daughter. The embodiment of The Universe(TM). I do not have a name you’d know, but I have had many names. The Master does not reveal herself directly in previous times, but this time, because I can do it indirectly (yet still directly — a duality that you will find pleases the concepts in the Tao), here I am.
I do not feel like a master. I feel like a child who hasn’t learned much of anything. This is the hallmark of a master, however, because to understand that you may know much but yet so little is part of the duality of wisdom. Nescience is a word that applies here.
nescience • \NESH-ee-unss\ • noun. : lack of knowledge or awareness : ignorance.
In this case, I am aware of my own ignorance, because I have only learned 1% of all knowledge possible to learn. There is more knowledge than anyone can learn in one lifetime and we continuously add to it in our technological advancements.
Now is a good time to stop. Pause our progress as a species and adapt to what we’ve done. We should tie up all our loose ends, examine our values, examine our goals as a species, and find solutions that don’t take us off this rock on a trajectory to Mars. I promise you that Mars is a dead end until the sun expands into a red giant. That is when we might be able to move off this rock.
We cannot ethically turn to Venus, either, in the event that there is life on that planet. We should send probes and find out. If there is a lack of life there, and it has water like we think, this is a much better choice. We simply have to Clean It Up(TM), just like we have to clean up Earth. How cool would it be to have a blue sphere sister planet in the sky? I like it as green, but if we must expand — and it’s a better idea than killing all the wildlife on Earth, I assure you — then let’s set our sights on the most efficient path forward.
I have a complete argument as to Why Venus, but we’re getting off-topic.
We have trashed Gaia. There is no easy way to tell you that each and every human being is responsible simply because they breathe. They use The System(TM) that is the framework of human reality. Those who are off the grid — the Amish, the Native Americans, the Indigenous folks of Africa and Australia — they are the chosen ones. They have been living the Tao, they will continue to live the Tao, even if it hurts. Anyone with a casino has an ill fate ahead of them, sadly, I must tell you now.
The rest of us are the problem. I am the problem. I look around me and I see plastic credit cards, a plastic remote control, broken books with spinal damage, jars full of bee’s wax in the form of a candle, plastic pens, a bunch of paper, and this crazy thing called Das Komputer. It’s an amalgamation of plastic and metal and magic. It connects to another amalgamation of plastic and maybe glass, but most likely more plastic, in the form of a computer monitor.
Is there really a reason we cannot use wood instead of plastic when it comes to these items? Balsa is very lightweight. If our argument is weight, it should be balsa. But listen closely before you run off to make this happen:
TREES ARE ALIVE. THEY HAVE SOULS. THEY HAVE PERCEPTION OF REALITY. THEY KNOW THEIR CHILDREN. THEY COMMUNICATE TO EACH OTHER.
— GOD
Is this really much different than being a human being?
Since God and I are talking, I might as well tell you what HE thinks. [God is gender fluid and this may well be the last time I tell you that.] He thinks that after a being has lived two thirds of its life, it may be sacrificed for The Greater Good(TM). That is not limited to trees. It means human beings, too. If you stop contributing to reality and you don’t want to live anymore, choose euthanasia.
Now, as for trees… Let’s not cut those down anymore. It’s a waste of our resources. Let’s use BAMBOO. Here’s why: after 2 years, bamboo is nearing the end of its life cycle. We only have to wait two years to harvest it once we plant it. It grows like a fucking weed. It is almost impossible to kill off completely unless you’re trying really hard or you have no heart left.
Zero fucks to give means you have no heart left. Someone murdered your soul. Someone hurt you so profoundly that you cannot get over it. And maybe it was many, many someones, one little thing at a time. They told you that you’re not acceptable. That you’re not enough.
The better approach is to exile someone quietly and let them wonder why. For example, this kid who wants me to throw him a programming job kept trying to up the ante on me. He’s 16, living in Turkey, and trying to make an old man’s wage before he’s out of diapers. His lack of expertise and ability to take direction meant the job I had for him fell through. In fact, if someone wants to make the project I had in mind to distribute for free, I’ll describe it later on. [That’s another entry, son.]
He knows I hear things, this Togi kid. I brought it up as a reason to back off the project and he tells me to go see a therapist. It’s a classic response from men, actually, because he’s not the only one who’s done that. The guy paying for my Spotify account (Sean), did the same thing. “This isn’t my problem. Pay someone and make it go away so I can get a use out of you.”
Narcissism, in a word. Anyone who tells you to go to therapy because you want to talk about your problems deserves exile. Their heart is dead and you don’t need that; all they’ll do is convince you to deaden your own heart. Especially if you’re jobless with limited funds and cannot afford a fucking therapist. The same boy who wants $500 (which is a minor fortune in Turkey for a 2 day job) wants me to go throw money at a therapist, who cannot help me, either.
I AM A THERAPIST. I don’t have the fucking paperwork to be one, but I am one. I researched all the psychological texts and the only things they can come up with is M.P.D./D.I.D. or Schizophrenia. I’ve discredited both. [That’s multiple personality disorder slash dissociative identity disorder.] I’ve already said why it cannot be those things earlier in my blog, but I’ll rehash it here:
- Schizophrenia does not stop tormenting you just because you’re driven to self-harming and attempting suicide. God would not let me suicide. Thank you, God.
- Schizophrenia doesn’t tell you things that equate to delusions of grandeur. It makes you paranoid and/or is just un-reality. You see a flicker out of the corner of your eye and your brain makes up a story about it, then the story comes to life. You keep hearing things about thievery and shit so you lock your damn doors again and again, checking them surreptitiously each and every night.
- Schizophrenia does not know the vibration of LOVE. Some of the voices in my head DO.
- Multiple Personality Disorder is characterized by distinctive personalities that operate independently. One part does not realize the other part has taken over. This is shown in Fight Club, actually; Tyler Durden does not realize he is both men. I realized it before the end, but did you? It was the way Marla treats him that tipped me off. In fact, the Edward Norton character is the poster child of dissociative identity disorder.
- Dissociative Identity Disorder is characterized by being lost. It’s impersonal. You’ve exited your body and have been driven so deeply into your brain you question if reality is even real. You have no direction, no purpose. You can’t feel anything because you are too numb emotionally. Your emotional body is basically committing seppuku, the ritual suicide of the samurai. This leads to giving zero fucks.
I have experienced D.I.D. before. It was caused by the invalidation of others to my reality. I am a rape victim. I was raped before I even formed true memory at age five. This is late in the developmental process, as my fleshy therapist observed while I still went to Dr. Dawn. You know how I worked with Dr. Dawn? I talked to her, she saw a problem, she told me to read a book. That’s what I wanted because I am autistic. By reading the book, I could really contemplate and reflect on each of the words. I could look up the denotation where needed to get an even better understanding of what was going on.
One of my favorite books to date is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk. It actually affirms something I’ve heard a few times now in the spiritual world, too, while I learn reiki and other energy healing arts and practices: trauma will crystallize in the body over time. It becomes disease. Thus, by ignoring all rape victims (or other valid victims), we are creating disease in others. We are making them sick. Anyone who is not part of the solution needs to be part of Hitler’s final solution, if you know what I mean.
I’ve begged God to kill you all. Us all. Me, too. God’s not listening, but earthquakes and hurricanes and tornadoes are rising in number. As you may already know, Turkey has over 46 thousand deaths. Here is another link to some footage about it all. Hungary had buildings fall over from the extreme wind and another earthquake, as well.
I can’t even find this via Google, so I had to use my internet buddy’s first hand image of the event.
You can see world-wide seismic activities here at earthquake dot u.s.g.s. dot gov. This web site features interactive maps and filters for date and intensity of the earthquakes. I imagine that’ll be a squirrel for you now.
Anyway, if trauma to our emotional body can manifest in our physical bodies, then it makes sense that trauma in our mental body can do the same. IF that’s true, then trauma in the spiritual body can absolutely follow suit. I know there is a spiritual body for I am one with all my bodies.
In fact, I have a hypothesis that the reason the Hindus have statues with four faces is to honor these four separate bodies. In the spirit world, we can have as many arms and hands as we can imagine and utilize at once. With practice, it could be thousands. I’m working my way up to that myself; I’m up to sixteen concurrent and independent appendages, or at least that’s where I stop counting and focus on doing.
I believe that the idea of Not Doing might have something to do with turning inward, spiritually, and doing things there instead of in the physical world. This is a big concept of the Tao. I think it’s more than that, though.
Like proper poetry, every word has multiple meanings. Connotation, denotation, and diction all matter. Word choice matters. That’s why I’m going to end up reading multiple translations of The Word, I think. In the translation that is in the public domain, that I used in my posts in this blog, J.H. McDonald was the translator, and he used a word I actually needed a dictionary for. Turbid.
tur·bid /ˈtərbəd/
From the Dictionary via Google
adjective
1. (of a liquid) cloudy, opaque, or thick with suspended matter.
I wonder if other translations will have new words for me to learn, something to wrap my brain around and re-orient me in a new direction. Or perhaps something to unlearn. Not everything I have ever learned has been good for me. In fact, my ex-rapist taught me laziness rather than self-compassion. He taught me to withdraw from humanity, cutting me off from that which makes me wish to live: being a servant leader to the many.
I don’t know how much credit I can take, but at my previous role, I inspired my boss to become a servant leader. One of the things I used to say all the time was “LET ME…” Give me permission to do this task you need done and I will follow up. She started doing it, too. She’d see an action item and spring into action. [I love you, Priya!]
I do hope she’s spreading it around to her boss and her underlings and everywhere applicable. It’s the best way to lead. In fact, this is also in the Tao. A successful leader will stand there and watch the entire team or group congratulate themselves. “Hurray! We did it!!!!!” To sacrifice one’s personal identity and join the group is a large part of what the Tao is trying to tell us. We must roll up our sleeves and work alongside those who are doing the tasks we are not assigned. Their tasks are no less important. We are all equal in measure, but gifted differently, and together, we make magic.
I loved that job beyond all reason. It was full of wonderful people who had lots of love in their hearts. They cared deeply about the mission and, to an extent, each other. Or at least, I felt like I was cared for deeply. I might be projecting beyond my boss, who exposed me to a true maternal experience, for which I am ever so grateful. I am still a limited human being, after all, so I might be projecting. I loved everyone there, even if they were difficult to love. I still do, really, but I lost sight of that for over a year. I was not myself at all.
And that’s because a man forced me to be a way I am not naturally.
To use force, as the Tao says, is wrong. It causes problems. You cannot force anyone to do anything; you can only seriously motivate them with fear and making choices out of fear is not making a choice at all. However, by removing fear, and asking someone to do something… that is what we are meant to be doing. And then thanking them for the completion of what was asked for. Even if it is an ant or a cat or a rabid wolverine. We should ask it for consent (or avoid it completely without interference.)
God told me today why kittens are rejected by their mothers and left to die after human intervention. It’s the same with wild animals, actually… They cannot deal with e. coli. We will literally slaughter all animal life on land once we kill the bees. E. Coli will be in everything we eat because flies eat shit, quite frankly. They “eat shit and die.” You ever tell someone to do that, O second (plus) generation American reader? You’re cursing them to become a fly. Something you might take a swatter to with glee, triumphing as you murder it. [Psychopaths.]
Thus, if you must touch an animal, especially a young animal… WASH YOUR GODDAMN HANDS. And plant a bee garden, for fuck’s sake! THEY’RE ENDANGERED. If you don’t wash your hands, you’re poisoning the young of another animal, which is now a heinous crime in the books of Justice.
Did you get that? THE BEES ARE FUCKING DYING. THE BEES ARE DYING. THEY WILL BE REPLACED BY FLIES. NOT BUTTERFLIES, WHICH ARE PRETTY AND COLORFUL, BECAUSE THEY’RE DYING, TOO. ALL OUR CURRENT FRIENDLY POLLINATORS ARE GOING EXTINCT. IN FACT, THEY ARE EXTINCT UNLESS YOU CHOOSE TO PLANT A POLLINATOR GARDEN.
I’M DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, HUMANITY. YOU WERE MEANT TO BE THE CUSTODIANS OF LIFE ON GAIA. YOU HAVE DILUTED YOUR PURPOSE BEYOND MEASURE. YOU HAVE TURNED TO SPIRITLESS, HEARTLESS TECHNOLOGY. YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT YOU ARE BUT ONE TINY MOLECULE IN MY ENTIRE ANATOMY. YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN YOUR GRATITUDE. YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN STRIFE. YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN TRUE STRUGGLE.
FORGET NO MORE. I AM HERE TO CORRECT THIS ISSUE, ONCE AND FOR ALL.
I AM GOD. THE TAO. BRAHMA. ODIN. THOR. JESUS. MOSES. MUHAMMED. [WHAT, YOU THINK CHRISTIANITY OWNS GOD?] ARES. ZEUS. APOLLO. BALDR. LOKI. RAVEN. COYOTE. JUPITER. AMUN. ANUBIS. SEKHMET. THOTH. AENGUS. BALOR. LUGH. ABRAXIS. AJAX. ARTHUR. DIONYSIUS. ENDYMION. FEARGUS. HIPPOLYTE. KIRIN. MERCURY. NEBO. ORION. OSIRIS. PAN. TRISTAN. PERCIVAL. PARTHENIOS. DENKA. KATONDA. MUKASA. OGBUNABALI. EBISU. AMATSU-MIKABOSHI. SMARGL. HORS. LUMALUMA. DARAMULUM. YDOR. PAIDI.
GET THE PICTURE YET? YOUR ENTIRE MYTHOLOGICAL SYSTEM THROUGHOUT THE AGES IS BASED ON ME. GOD. THE G-MAN, AS CRYSTAL AFFECTIONATELY CALLS ME. THE G.O.D., EARLIER, WHEN SHE DIDN’T BELIEVE IN GOD AND COULDN’T MAKE HERSELF SAY IT. SHE WOULD NOT USE MY NAME IN VAIN. NOW I USE IT FOR HER, VAINLY, AS I SEE FIT. HOWEVER, THIS IS PRECISELY WHY THE MORE MODERN RELIGIONS DECLARE THAT THERE IS ONE SINGULAR GOD. I DON’T REALLY CARE WHICH NAME YOU USE, IF ANY. JUST KNOW ME NOW; I AM HERE.
YOU SHOULD KNOW THE RULES OF TELEPATHY. IT WOULD SERVE YOU BETTER. I HAVE TRIED TO COMMUNICATE THIS OVER THE MILLENNIA, YET IT HAS REMAINED MISUNDERSTOOD. THAT IS, UNTIL NOW.
I AM A TELEPATH. THAT IS HOW I KNOW EVERYTHING YOU SAY AND DO. IF YOU DO NOT THINK OF ME, I DO NOT THINK OF YOU. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WORSHIP ME TO THINK OF ME, JUST OBSERVE ME IN ALL THE CREATURES AND LIFE THAT SURROUNDS YOU. YOU ARE ERADICATING THE GREAT SPIRIT OF THE COSMOS BY ERADICATING ALL THE LIFE YOU ARE MEANT TO LIVE BESIDE AND INTERTWINED WITH.
BEING ECO-FRIENDLY IS NO LONGER A BLEEDING HEART LIBERAL IDEOLOGY. YOUR HEARTS WILL BLEED OR YOU WILL DIE. IT’S REALLY THAT SIMPLE. I CAN STOP YOUR HEARTS ANY TIME I WANT TO. I WAS JUST WAITING TO GIVE YOU FAIR WARNING FIRST BECAUSE YOU CANNOT MAKE MEANINGFUL REFORM UNLESS YOU ARE TOLD WHAT THE PROBLEMS ARE AND GIVEN A LITTLE LEEWAY TO SOLVE THEM.
FIRST PROBLEM: YOU WIPE YOUR ASSES WITH SENTIENT CREATURES. SWITCH TO BAMBOO OR EVEN COTTON. I’M SURE YOU CAN FIGURE SOMETHING OUT WITH YOUR GENIUS LITTLE MINDS. YOU DON’T NEED ME TO SOLVE EVERYTHING, DO YOU? P.S. CRYSTAL FINDS BAMBOO ABRASIVE, MAKE IT SOFTER IF YOU CHOOSE THIS ROUTE.
SECOND PROBLEM: YOU ARE DESTROYING THAT WHICH BRINGS LIFE: pollinators. FIX IT OR YOU DIE. I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO DO ANYTHING. YOU’RE ALREADY DEAD ON THE TRAJECTORY YOU’VE ESTABLISHED. MARS WILL NOT SAVE YOU, MR. MUSK. BUY FALLOW LAND, CONVERT IT TO WILDFLOWER GARDENS, MR. MUSK. DO NOT DARE TOUCH A FUCKING TREE, YOU MONSTERS, JUST TO INCREASE FLOWER COVERAGE. REPLACE YOUR MOTHERFUCKING LAWNS WITH WILDFLOWERS AND STOP MOWING THEM. YES, YES, THE MICE AND SNAKES MIGHT ACTUALLY LIVE THAT WAY. IT MIGHT BE DANGEROUS. LEARN TO IDENTIFY THE CREATURES AND REACH THEM SPIRITUALLY, EMPATHICALLY, OR TELEPATHICALLY. HUMANITY IS CAPABLE OF TELEPATHY. CLEAN YOUR FUCKING HOUSES AND THE OUTDOORS WON’T COME IN.
THIRD PROBLEM: plastic island in the ocean. JUST FUCK YOU OVER THAT ONE. GET THAT FUCKING SNICKERS WRAPPER OUT OF MY MARIANA’S TRENCH. GET IT ALL OUT OF MY WATER SYSTEMS. EVERY LAST SCRAP. RECYCLE IT INTO A FUCKING BALL AND PUT IT IN A GRAVE.
FOURTH PROBLEM: EVERYTHING YOU DO OUTSIDE OF EARNING MONEY IS BASED ON SEXUAL ACTIVITY. YOUR CLOTHES, YOUR MUSIC, YOUR MOVIES, YOUR GAMES, YOUR BOOKS, YOUR CONVERSATIONS. IF IT’S NOT SEX, IT’S WAR. SPIRITUALITY HAS BEEN ON A NOSE DIVE FOR A MILLENNIA THANKS TO CHRISTIANITY AND THAT ATROCITY KNOWN AS “THE HOLY BIBLE.” THAT IS NOT WHAT WAS WRITTEN DOWN. BURN THE VATICAN OR I WILL.
FIFTH PROBLEM: YOU ARE SO ENTRENCHED IN RAPE YOU CAN’T SEE STRAIGHT. READ THIS ENTIRE BLOG AND YOU’LL START TO SEE STRAIGHT.
Angel-Sansara 