Building Character.

I had a coworker once who used to declare everything crappy one has to do as “building character.” Here’s looking at you, Mr. Fruit Juice. (That’s not his name, but I don’t think Remy can pronounce it anyway.)

He was a fun coworker for a while. Then it all stopped and I had no idea why until God told me: I was staring at his sacral chakra because there was something amiss, but I couldn’t discern what. As you know, that’s around the belly button. There are other things around the belly button, too. I think he has an unknown allergy. So, dude, get a test done. Find out what it is. I’m so sorry for your gut pains all the while. I had no idea what I was looking at.

I do that; I zone out staring at chakras. Usually it’s the heart chakra or the third eye chakra, or even the throat chakra. Some of them are highly inappropriate. I can understand why he thought my attention was inappropriate, due to careless commentary about rape culture through IMs one time. I wasn’t seeing the bigger picture or anything from his point of view. I’m sorry for that because I knew he was married and I totally root for love. I would never try to come between two committed people. In fact, that’s why I am never approaching a man first. I am keeping my contact with males to internet-only, business-only. Sometimes, we talk about travel, because my internet friends are all over the planet and wonder about the USA. Sometimes, we talk about legal stuff.

I get the sense occasionally that they have some interest, and then I blow them off for a few weeks to let them cool their jets. Thankfully, my future C.I.O. has a girlfriend in his own country and isn’t trying to date me. It’d be awkward if he was; he’s much younger than I am. I don’t believe age gaps are really a terrible thing, but I do believe we are all on the same path. None of us seem to be in exactly the same place at the same time most of the time. However, I see myself in other people, struggling with things I struggled with. I offer them the best advice I know how because I feel obligated to share my observations and what I’ve learned in case others can learn from my mistakes.

This comes off terribly sometimes. I know it must. Especially when I’m adamant about something specific. I’m an unmoving bitch with eyes the size of snow. (Thank you, Ms. Ani DiFranco, for your brilliant poetry.)

So fuck off then, if you don’t like it. I’m done kowtowing to the masses, to everyone else. I’ve been the humble one, allowing everyone to treat me like a fucking door mat. God says, No more. God says, Save yourselves, suckers.