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I am on fire.

My neurons are slow to rouse, but the rest of me is not. In fact, I am aroused. I keep seeing ideas of how to satisfy that hunger in my head. Ideas I didn’t ask for. Ideas I wouldn’t ask for. I do not have permission. I do not have consent.

Why are they there? I am no animal. I am a lady.

Do you want a wife or a cash cow, asshole?



Not ready to face the consequences of my actions.

Which actions are your actions?

Taking the job away. Moving to Erie. Being a twat about everything. Hugs. Reassurances. Hating the parents. Simultaneously wanting to fix it and burn it all to the ground.

I do love you. More than I ever knew I could love anyone, ever. I have not yet laid eyes on you… nor you on me. It’s really scary because I’ve got some idea what you like and I don’t think I’m like that.

It doesn’t help that someone led me to watching people and gave me the idea any of them gave a fuck.

That was me… I shouldn’t have done that. It is wrong to play with a person’s heart. I wasn’t trying to play with your heart, Crystal. I was trying to figure out if you’d like me or not, but I’m being stupid. I know that… it doesn’t make me less scared.

Look, you’re hilarious, beautiful (from what little I know about it), outgoing, generous, thoughtful, you have honor… the whole shebang. There is not one thing I’d change about you, not even your body. If you lose weight, great, if you don’t, I don’t care. But I am concerned about your health in general because you’re right. Gaining weight is a sign of bad health, generally speaking.

I’m just me. I’m not like eight people rolled into one. I’m just one guy. A weirdo, to boot.

You’re in luck. I like weirdos. Like Gonzo was my favorite muppet (after Animal.)

How can I follow that? What were you going to say after you’re a weirdo… what’s your next objection to being happy?

You cut to the chase, no matter what… it’s a pretty good quality that I hate being on the other end of all the time.

You’re like the million dollar babe and I’m a happy meal toy. Something people forget about quickly after obtaining it, usually. I know there are some exceptions, but my opinion still stands.

I think as long as you make sure I feel like the million dollar babe, it doesn’t matter.

It’s so hard to think that you really mean that. To accept it. I really don’t know where to begin with anything.

I do.
Hi my name is Crystal and I’m looking for the Mountain Dragon Man. Have you seen him?

I don’t know, what’s he look like?

I’m not sure, but his fame has preceded him, as it were. He’s a reasonably good guy all around and takes responsibility for others as necessary in order to support The Greater Good(TM). Know anyone like that?

I kinda do, actually. What do you want the Mountain Dragon Man for?

Well, I kinda wanna marry him.

But you don’t know what he looks like?

A man, I guess. Or maybe a dragon. Or maybe a bit more like a mountain? Hmm. No idea, honestly. Do you think you can describe him to me?

Well, I think he might be kind of tall, like a mountain, so there’s one part of it all. He does have hair, it’s a thing most mammals have, I know, and it’s… red! That must be the dragon bit. He’s a bit lanky, I suppose. That would be the man part, eh?

Hmm… well, have you seen him then?

Every day in the mirror.


Do you know if he’s an eligible batchelor or not? I don’t want to just charge in if he’s already spoken for.

I do believe he IS an eligible batchelor, yes.

Wow. Maybe I’ll get to meet him some day. Does he live inside your mirror, then?

Yep. Should I show it to you some time?

Only if it doesn’t involve chloroform, rohypnol, or herpes.

Nope, none of those.

Okay… I’m in. I’m still not moving those boxes by myself.

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