I’m a romantic. Without a job. It makes me feel like a loser.
“You have a job,” God reminds me. Yeah, yeah. Write a book about rape and fornication so the rest of humanity understands, finally, where they’re going wrong. I get it. Do you get it yet, human bean? She waters the bean and hopes it’ll grow, being careful not to overwater it like she did to Braxis. 😦 RIP Braxis.
The thing is, not all boundary-crossing is inherently evil. To flourish, plants need parts of them broken off so that the base plant lives happily. Deer do this to dormant trees in winter as last resorts for food in their bellies, not-so-gently pruning them back while they are sleeping; dead and unfeeling until the new spring season wakes them back up. By then, they’ll be in pain, but they’ll wake up in pain and notice it less than they do if, say, you chop them down in midsummer.
She sheds some tears for the tree she murdered just like that. We’ll call him Srinivasen.
I didn’t think I had much choice; it was growing into the power line going from the pole to the house. I murdered it over and over again to destroy it because I thought that was better than harsh pruning to keep it away from the lines… I was wrong. I’ll take a moment now to heal the poor creature, for it was gone far too soon… and then, I didn’t even use the wood for anything good like hand carved toys. I just burned it. I did watch the fire and I enjoyed the fire (and the smell), but that’s not enough. I should have cherished the life I destroyed. I should have cut it into three foot tall pieces and sat on it for years and years. Anything but simply burning it to bits, it seems… On the other hand, I gave it a ceremonial departure from the face of planet Earth, creating a wake as it burnt to cinders, sending the spirit of the tree to the afterlife to be born again. I hastened its rebirth in this manner. It does not forgive me for the murder, doing this one thing, but it makes it a little less… devastating to think about.
This is nothing like the new house’s caretaker has done. She ripped out every plant altogether. I had kept all of them except some roses… there were so many roses that we had a pest problem, so I dug up all but three. I moved some to another part of the house and the rest went to family member’s yards. I meticulously researched how to transplant roses. I found out about root pruning — this is when you dig around the base of the rose bush about one month prior to moving it (if not longer — I think I let it grow for 2 months, Margaret) and I did that by just shoving the shovel into the ground about 2 feet away from the base of the rose bush to break up all the horizontal roots.
What this did was allowed the plant to use photosynthesis to grow new roots in that smaller area, maximizing its chance of surviving a transplant. Then, a few days before I dug them up, and probably at the time of the actual pruning, I watered them deeply. This was to maximize the pliancy of the root. Then, when it came to moving them, I dug them up with a 4 ft. root ball in width and I think I got about 2 or 2.5 deep. I could be imprecise with my measurements…
I didn’t sever the roots underneath the plant that were vertical until the day I moved them. If I’d been a tad smarter, I would have prepared where they were going a few days in advance and thrown fertilizer down, but I did it the day of transplant. I think they were out of the ground 4-8 hours total (I transplanted to two separate family member’s homes that day and they didn’t live all that closely together nor that closely to us, actually.)
Then I put the plants in the ground in their new spots and stepped down on the dirt to compact it better. The reason I did this was so that any air bubbles would be pushed out, creating a good seal between new and old earth. I had to wait for those roses to grow their roots deeply enough to finish the dirt bond, honestly, so I had to do whatever I could to try to ensure their survival. Then I watered them in their new home very thoroughly to make sure not to leave too much room for air to get at the roots and dry them out.
Those roses were about 4 ft tall. I left them as tall as I could so they could maximize their ability to feed themselves with photosynthesis. I even encouraged putting them in a place with similar light fall, even though I might not have been overt about that fact when I helped my mother in law and grandmother in law choose a place to put them. It was my mother’s day gift that year. We didn’t have a lot of money to buy something new, so I really did what I could to figure out how to give what I already had.
I think that was 2008. I wonder if they still have those rose bushes today in 2022? I know the rose bushes I had kept were still flourishing just last year, so I imagine they’re still alive so long as they were left where I put them.
I remember Margaret tried to move a rose after that and it burned in the heat and sun, dying back substantially. It was a beautiful bush, too, very rounded and well-cared for. I don’t know if it was moved somewhere hotter or what, but it did not do well. I think it was maybe too late in the season for moving it. Mother’s Day is in May as we all know, and I seem to remember she moved it in June maybe? Maybe July? Hard to remember now. I felt so bad I hadn’t told her all about how I moved the roses I gave away. I felt so bad that bush died because I could have helped. I could have kept it alive. I didn’t tell anyone that I prepared for 2-3 months to move those roses. I didn’t think it would inspire her to move anything in her own yard. She didn’t even move it very far, but it died anyway. RIP beautiful rose bush. I love you. I’ll call you Nancy.
I’m waiting for winter to force my apple trees into dormancy. I’m going to ruthlessly cut them back to just about nubs along the trunk. For some reason, my idiot parents planted them on the shady side of the house. (It’s where the yard is.) They’re struggling there. And their branches are growing into each other and everything’s spindly. The apples that it grows end up pest-infested and on the ground. So, instead of trying to feed myself (although some day I might be able to), I’m going to focus on the tree’s health. I fear I’m going to have to cut them down just because they don’t get adequate sun where they are. Although, logically speaking, they should have died out already if it was inadequate, so maybe it’s just that they haven’t been nibbled at by deer like most wild apple trees would be. I’ll harbor some hope in my heart and name them Lucille and Ricky, I think.
Maybe Ricardo is better.
Lucille… that name makes me think of B.B. King. [Spotify link]
I’m in limbo now with my “crush.” It’s funny how we use all these awful words to describe being taken up by someone else. Crush. Smitten. Falling. Infatuation. Lust. Weakness. Flame. Rapture. Soft spot. Yearning. Hankering. Idolatry.
Someone famous brought all that up already, I’m just regurgitating it. I can’t remember who said it but it’s in writing or a TED talk or something somewhere. Go find it for yourself if you want to hear more about the wonder in how we treat love like it’s an atrocity that will be a hit and run, smashing our hearts to smithereens because we were blindsided, and then poof. It’s gone and you will be full of woe.
How’s that for encapsulating the torture of being infatuated with someone when you’re unsure of their opinion of you? Ms. Swift said it just as well in Blank Space.
I have no idea if that man really cares if I exist or not. I went over it all last night, my “empirical evidence” to try to figure out if we’re actually flirting or if we might be frenemies in the making or something. I decided this one thing, which blew someone’s mind… one of the peanut gallery was blown away. Maybe you need to hear it, too:
- Does he exhibit aggression toward me? No.
- Does he frown at me? No.
- Does he do anything that makes me think he harbors negativity toward me? No.
Alright. So if he doesn’t have ill will toward me, then I can emphatically declare it’s probably he is at least neutral to me, which means he doesn’t think poorly of me… that’s the one thing people torture themselves over the most. What do they think of me???
Torture ended the moment I decided it’s impossible that he harbors negativity. It was enough. It’s probably not enough for the rest of you idiots because you’re obsessed with being praised by others instead of doing it for yourselves because you hate yourselves. That’s why you don’t spend time with yourself in your brains, thinking fun thoughts. You instead dive into drugs, sex, and entertainment. Endlessly. YOU HATE YOURSELF.
Do you know there is no way to cure that by distracting yourself from the issue? You literally cannot change anything; it will just continue on forever. You refuse to be part of the solution, which makes you part of God’s problem.
Maybe you just need some help. We could all use some help, right? Well, buckle up, buttercup. Here we go!
Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Do this until you feel steady inside. Let go of all the tension, fear, self-loathing. Just let it go. “Let that shit go.” — Buddha says some snarky t-shirt somewhere.
First, I’m going to lay down the ground rules for fixing yourself.
- You are the only person who can fix you.
- You cannot fix anyone else. You can only lead the horse to water.
- If someone refuses to fix themselves and it is hurting you, LEAVE. Only YOU know how many chances they deserve. Give them and get out of there. There’s no point in sticking around and making yourself even angrier and uglier on the inside.
- It takes a lot of time and mistakes will be made. Set your expectation here: YOU WILL MAKE A BILLION MISTAKES IN EVERY LIFE TIME. That’s a lot! Holy cow. Don’t waste your time trying to count them all. 🙂
- A reasonable person will always allow you to try to fix your mistakes as long as you own them and try to make them right. If a person will not allow you to repair the friendship or relationship, they are not being reasonable. LEAVE. You don’t deserve that bullshit.
- Tears are healing. No matter why you’re crying, it’s important to cry. I know it sucks when it’s late at night and it rolls back into your sinuses instead of out your eyes, flooding your sinuses with mucous. Boy do I know it sucks. Try sitting up and absolutely buy some facial tissues and keep them close while doing your shadow work (self-therapy.)
- Anyone who is not helping you get better is your enemy. It doesn’t matter how kind they are or how much you love them. EXILE THEM. THEY DO NOT DESERVE YOU. I said so. — God.
- Every being, great or small, deserves to be loved. Whether or not you can love that being is your limitation. Do not make your lack of love a problem for those beings, simply focus on that which you do love. The secret is that you will have more room for love once you get back to basics and understand yourself. Then, you can give more love to more entities. The further into enlightenment you venture, the more you will love the entire universe.
- Understand that you are the only person you will be around until your death. Others will come and go (even if you’re married, you spend time apart, n’est-ce pas?)
[That means “isn’t it so?” for those of you don’t know any French. It’s pronounced (phonetically) “nace pa” with “nace” rhyming with “mace.” Or even face.]
- You’re going to realize you’ve outgrown people around you frequently. Their journey is different from your own. You can slow down for others if they are climbing along behind you, but don’t come to a complete stand-still. That’s another form of self-loathing. Capisce? [Just watch The Godfather for that one.]
So what did I just tell you? Think it over and put it into your own words. If you do that, then you should be able to remember them quite easily. Take notes on the ones that stand out to you as new information or the ones you think you’re going to need help remembering.
Murder Honor a tree. Use a pen and a piece of scratch paper or post-its and take notes. Put them somewhere you go to frequently. Put it on display. You’re going to need to read that over and over again until you internalize it. Once you understand these 10 ground rules are “just the way life is,” and there’s nothing personal in deciding to leave behind people who hurt you, you just have to let them go and move forward without them. That’s all. That’s life.
There’s no need to be nasty or unkind. Just ghost them, going quietly into the night.
If you fail to let go of people who hurt you, the cycle will never end. You are continuing to choose to be a problem instead of a solution. You are choosing to never become enlightened. I can tell you from up here that you are suffering greatly down there, friend. Why don’t you come with me instead? It’s a much gentler existence. I promise. I don’t like the P word, but I’m going to use it right now: I PROMISE IT’S SAFE.
Now is a good time to let go of all expectations. All of them. Mommy or daddy will save me in my hour of need. (Not if they’re sicker than you.) My wife or husband will always be there for me! (Not if they’re hit by a bus.) My kids will outlast me! (Not if they commit suicide.) My job is stable! (Not if you fall down on it.) My siblings will help me in a pinch! (Not if they don’t have any spoons left.) My bestie will always support me! (Until a psycho convinces them to hate you instead.)
ALL LIFE EVERYWHERE IS TEMPORARY.God (and Crystal)
In other words, nothing is permanent.
I’m here to enlighten you to achieve one goal and only one goal: universal love. I am, in essence, writing an incredibly long, persuasive essay why we should focus on love instead of hatred and why it’s good for everyone and everything around us. I am going to teach you my philosophy. This is God’s will.
I don’t worship God. I don’t make sacrifices for God. I don’t preach about God to make you believe in God. I don’t do anything expressly for God. He saved my sorry ass in the 11th hour. Or did He? Maybe I just hear him better now.
I am going to drop the capitalization where he becomes He.
Second, God is without gender. I am using He and She interchangeably from now on, as well as THEY. The correct way to address God is THEY/THEM. God told me once he had sixteen genders all at the same time. I thought that was pretty cool… that means he understands everyone on planet Earth in their journey. Then I extrapolated. If we only have a handful of those… that means there are probably more beings that exist that have genders we cannot even conceive of.
Third, you could hear them just as well as I can now if you follow some dietary changes and begin to listen to the voices inside your head. You have to be brave, though, because you’re going to hear a lot of garbage you didn’t ask for. There is a massive spiritual disease on planet Earth that is afflicting the majority of the people. You are already aware of it because this is what makes you feel inadequate. It’s what makes you feel unlovable. It’s what makes you hurt.
From here on out, you’re going to have to categorize everything into three categories:
- Feels good
- Doesn’t feel good or bad
- Feels bad
Your mission today is to eliminate yourself of 3 things that make you feel bad. If you have an object you keep on or in your dresser that causes you shame (such as a gift of some sort), part with it. The universe is trying to tell you to let it go. If you have an object or something that makes you feel ashamed, let it go. Focus on “stuff” for now and donate all the things that no longer serve you to a charity like Goodwill, the Salvation Army, et cetera. (Sorry, I live in America, I don’t know your charity chains… the best ones aren’t chains, but Americans are lazy.)
If your emotions start nagging you when you look at a photograph, take it down and put it in a box. I know it can be difficult to part with things that seem like they should be kept forever. Everything in this life is temporary. You loved it while you could and now you have to let it go so someone else can love it, no matter what it is. Once it sits in a box long enough for you to get over whatever feeling is blossoming in your bosom, you will be able to rationally decide what to do with it. You will be able to choose to keep the thorn in your side or let it go. You might grow around that thorn and it stops hurting. You might not be able to. That is your limitation, but don’t think of limitations as a bad thing. They just are. It’s a fact.
There’s no use getting bent out of shape over facts.
Did you find something to get rid of already? Does it feel better now that you’ve taken action? That’s your vibration rising. Enlightenment is a vibration. To achieve that vibration, we must let go of that which hurts us. We must let it slip away and move on to feeling good, to feeling love.
(It’s in color if you follow the link.)
Here’s the Spotify link if you want to keep reading while you sorta listen. I suggest putting it on repeat until it no longer stirs your emotional state.
The human body is a bio-electric machine. Cellular activity is independent of our conscious thought. We continuously move electrons around within our bodies in order to function. This is proven science. The atomic model declares that electrons are free-floating. They swap between molecules easily due to this quality. Quantum physics explains how we are able to move these electrons via our willpower alone over empty air, such as between our hands.
This is magic, my friends. Everything we chalk up to magic is this. This is reiki. This is healing. It’s so much more than all of that, too, but let’s leave behind the hatred. We already hurt each other on a minute by minute basis with our faulty thoughts and assumptions and harbored pains. Be part of the solution.
We are a malaise while we are in a state of SHAME or GUILT. If you looked at that image involving the vibrational frequencies (which is just a measurement of how efficiently our bodies are functioning, by the way) you know those are at the bottom, joined with APATHY.
Slightly better than those feelings, we have Grief, Fear, Desire, Anger, and Pride.
Once we get past Pride, we have Courage, Neutrality, Willingness, Acceptance, Reason.
REASON is a great place to be. If you never go beyond reason, that’s fine. It’s adequate. It should be our “average” state. Do you think you can achieve the state of reason? I do. It might take time, such as years. I won’t give up on you. I hope you won’t give up on yourself, either.
If you get above REASON, you will find LOVE, JOY, PEACE, and, finally, ENLIGHTENMENT.
What’s so great about enlightenment?
You’ll see. Just keep reading, keep trying. It’s not something I can declare in one sentence just yet, but it will be one day. As I keep trying to explain it and continue to fail to do so, my brain will fit the puzzle pieces together until I arrive at my thesis. I know that’s a bit backwards, but that’s actually why you write your essay out in full in rough draft format and then write it again in the right order.
The most important thing I can say about enlightenment is this: you feel love, joy, and peace all at once. You will effortlessly share it with others while guarding your boundaries from those who would hurt you for their own self-gain. Work will become a breeze, a place you enjoy going to daily. You will seem untouchable mood-wise to those people around you, even though you’ll probably spend some time at home meditating to get back to base each and every day, multiple times a day.
You’ll see that self-care is the basis of enlightenment. It’s the only way to get there. And we start today by removing things that make us hate ourselves or our life. Things that are hard to clean and lend no spiritual value, practical value, or emotional value. Just give it away to someone who is willing to do that work with love. Let someone else love those objects. They will, just like you used to (if you ever did… I understand sometimes people give the worst gifts and I also understand buyer’s remorse!)
If you are below NEUTRALITY, this is your first milestone to shoot for. We’ll celebrate together. 🙂
Your second mission today is to eat more vegetables. Drink more spring water. This will help you remove toxins from your body. The toxins are keeping you from vibrating at a more effective and efficient frequency. Your body is too busy trying to get rid of them, it’s depleting you of your energy. You can (and should) take a multi-vitamin and a B complex (in as high a concentration as possible) until you reach your optimized dietary needs. It’s going to be slow, or else it won’t be a lasting change on your part.
We will never condone fasting. The only thing we mean when we talk about “fasting” is eating only vegetables for an entire day. You can do this if you think you’re ready, but keep in mind that to function optimally, the human body requires protein and certain amino acids (there are 22 of them.) God says we need them all, not just nine. Science, quick, disprove God!
Your body cannot function with junk in it.
You know this is true down to your core when you read it.
But you might feel guilt or shame because you have a hankering for ice cream or potato chips. You know they aren’t good for you. You absolutely do… and you can’t help it.
I mean that. You can’t help it. It’s not actually entirely your fault you can’t stay away from it. It’s only about 1% your fault. You ate it in the first place; that’s what you can blame yourself for. The very first time you ate it, it planted some bacteria in your gut. Now? Now that bacteria is going to fight dirty to live. It’s going to give you cravings like the dickens, it’s going to scream and rape you with toxic overload as it dies, and the only thing that’s going to stop that pain is eating more. Keeping it alive and happy inside your guts so it no longer dumps toxins into your bloodstream nilly willy.
It’s not your fault that’s happening. You didn’t ask those bacteria to move in and cause a riot. You didn’t ask them to make you sick just because you don’t wanna feed them. You really didn’t. They’re raping you. It’s going to be hard to end it, but there is a way. I promise you that there is a way and I even know how to make it less taxing on your system.
See, if you quit cold turkey today and fight those cravings with iron willpower alone, you will hurt yourself gravely. I’ve done it. I nearly fucking died because of it.
So why don’t I help you transition into a better diet? This is God’s will. God wants me to tell you how to get rid of those bacteria, yeast, and mold bits that are wreaking havoc in your gut, America. Your first step, the one you can take today, is going GLUTEN FREE. Keep eating what you eat and cut over cold turkey to GF everything. There are lots of rice-based noodles, but try plant-based foods, please. Grains and starches are going to keep feeding those things and they’ll explode before they get under control. Brown rice is best if you keep with the grains. We understand it’s hard and tons of people eat rice daily (hi, Indian folks. Asian folks in general!) If you can stand it, try cauliflower florets that are roasted in the oven for 55 minutes at 350 Fahrenheit as your ‘noodle.’
Six weeks from the day you cut out gluten, we can take the next step. You might want to write this down as a plan to follow or bookmark this entry. Please note: I AM NOT OFFICIALLY A DIETITIAN. I am absolutely not a doctor. I am nobody related to the medical field at all and I encourage scientists and doctors to do laboratory tests to disprove everything I say, if they must. They’ll fail to do it, but that’s okay. You should absolutely fact-check me.
Here’s how you, an average Joe, can fact check me:
Try it and see how you feel.
What I’m suggesting to you is an elimination diet, which my chiropractor suggested to me while I was struggling. A dude with some actual medical training. SHOCK AND AWE! He’s not the only medical professional who has done so. And for those snobs out there saying chiros are illegitimate, fuck you. My chiropractor healed me far more than my primary care physician ever did. He saved my life alongside my therapist.
That’s right. A therapist and a chiropractor saved me from my primary care physician’s neglect while I nearly fucking killed myself on keto. (And God, and me, and music, and a bunch of other stuff.) So yeah. Anyway, you now know how much doubt you can choose to employ. If it’s complete, then fuck off already. What are you reading me for?
Now that we got the haters who are gonna hate out of here…
Make changes over 6 week periods of time. Then reintroduce the thing which you cut out, eating it in excess three times within three days at about the same time each of those three days. Take notes of any changes in your mood, energy levels, physical pain, balance, et cetera. Anything that changes at all, write it down. If math is harder, write it down.
You should also take note of you how feel especially at the 10 minute mark, 30 minute mark, 8 hour mark, 16 hour mark, and 24 hour mark.
IF you have an extreme malaise set in from just one imbibing of the thing you cut out for the previous six weeks, you can cease and call it an allergen or toxin to your body. Don’t torture yourself for the data if you don’t have to.
- Go Gluten Free. Substitute with veggies where possible, brown rice otherwise, oats if neither are possible. Oats are still going to feed those buggers, so you might gain weight. There’s no need to change portions. Focus on being sated with the correct amount of nutrients and macros. (Fat, carbohydrates which are necessary for cellular function, and of course protein. Vitamins, minerals. Hydration.)
- Go Dairy-free. Substitute with no-sugar added plant milk or nut milk. We suggest Silk unsweetened soy milk unless you have a soy allergy that is already known to you. Then we suggest oat milk (be careful, there’s sugar hidden in here) followed by flax milk. These are ranked by health & flavor to this foodie right here (me.) Try to find one that doesn’t have xanthan gum in it. We find this ingredient suspicious after it put 20 pounds on us.
- Go grain-free. Eat more veggies to get the volume you used to get. Add more plant fats. This is the only way to feel satisfied once you choose to move away from a sugar-laden complex carbohydrate-heavy diet. All those starches feed the little beasties in your belly, sadly. Blue corn is the least starchy/sugary grain by the way. (And the least genetically modified.)
- Go fungi-free. Fungus is bad, mmkay? Yeast, mushrooms.
- Go nightshade-free. That’s eggplant, tomato, potato, bell peppers, tomatillos, chili peppers, tobacco, mandragora, tamarillo, etc. [GOOGLE IT <– Quick link to fact check.]
- Ditch the animal fats. Go to lean meats and add more plant fats to round out your diet. This doesn’t mean you can’t eat red meat. Cut the fat off before cooking. Animal fat is a goop for biofilm building.
- Go egg-free. Goop for biofilm building, that’s what’s wrong with them. Boil them to death if you must!
- Give up rare meats. PARASITES, YOU IDIOTS. God huffs because they had to spell that out even though you know this one. Make yourself sweat. A lot. That’ll kill parasites.
These are the things I suspect are making you feel terrible, friend. Cut them out one by one and reintroduce them to be absolutely sure. Don’t be shy when you bring them back. GO OVERBOARD! You’ll know without a doubt how it affects you. Let your body tell you what it cannot handle and then listen.
PLEASE NOTE: If you’re old and/or frail, you should NOT go overboard. You might end up in the hospital… but on the bright side, you know what put you there and they might be able to help you if they know what’s bothering you.
If you choose to eliminate the above items just because it sounds good to you based on nutritional science you already know, here’s how you do it gently:
Use less of it each time you use it. For example, for six weeks, substitute 1/4 of your dairy intake with your chosen milk alternative. Then go 1/2 substitute, then 3/4, then full on… each one for six weeks at a time until you are fully switched over. Start reducing your cheese consumption because there are no dairy-free cheeses that compare. Find alternative meals to the ones you eat now full of dairy rather than trying to find substitutions to continue to eat the same thing. It never feels the same even if it tastes the same… and I’ll tell you why:
Gluten, Casein, and Sugar are the perfect trifecta of evil to our innards. Then we top those with nightshades that are mixed with medicinal herbs (spaghetti sauce, pizza sauce, sausages, etc.) and we feel a mixture of good and bad. Our body can’t decide what we ate is poison because we doctored it. Not to mention, we are unable to feel the effects keenly until it goes far too long in the wrong direction.
Together, with these powers combined, they create biofilms. [Learn more about biofilms here.] These biofilms are destroying us. Clumps of hatred harboring in our guts. I hate your guts has a whole new meaning, n’est-ce pas?
And, if you are on top of science and trends and can put the pieces together in your own brain through reason, you will no doubt see right now that sugar is the cause of cancer. It’s probably helped by all this shit we eat that isn’t really food, but it’s proven you can starve cancer. Cancer is just a cell that fails to stop dividing like it should, fueled by sugar. Every day, each and every living being has “cancer” when we use the scientific definition alone. It is short-lived, but you still have it.
I’m waiting for the witch hunt and being told by doctors I’m wrong. It’s not sugar! Even though the EU decided it is.
Now let me tell you something else that is medically known:
MOST VITAMINS ARE FAT SOLUBLE – A, D, E, K. [Fact check me here with cancer.gov. The other two are B & C, which are water soluble.] THE FIVE MINERALS MOST NEEDED BY THE BODY ARE CALCIUM, PHOSPHORUS, POTASSIUM, SODIUM, MAGNESIUM. [Fact check me here with Wikipedia.] THE HUMAN BODY IS 60% WATER. [Fact check me at usgs.gov.]
I encourage you. If you think any of those statements are false, Google them. Show me. I’ll change this entry to reflect science’s determination. But only if there is overwhelming evidence and it’s not some random article on The Onion.
Ready for practical application of all these medical facts I just stated? Start eating plant fats with your multi-vitamin. Eat at least 1 cup a day of pure unsaturated plant fat. Put regular (non-iodized) salt onto your food to the tune of a tablespoon per day. Drink water until your urine is pale yellow.
Doctors are prescribing death. They prescribe old people low-fat and low-sodium diets to manage their high blood pressure and other ailments (most likely caused by the nightshades.) They are encouraging people with water around their hearts to drink less water. They prescribed all these to my father months ago. I’ve been slipping him H20, plant fat and sodium all along to keep him alive.
Good thing I’m not a doctor, beholden to the pharmaceutical industry that forces them to dodge around the true issue: THE FOOD WE EAT IS POISON.
So reduce the poisons in your diet. I listed them above with numbers and everything. Switch to something less poisonous. You will see your health improve. You will see your mood improve. Things that overwhelmed you will become easier and easier. Life will become easier. You will hate yourself less, you will sink into distractions less, you will become more present. And, most of all, you will be alive instead of dead. You will make the world a different, better place simply by making a small choice today and another tomorrow.
Remember, you will make a billion mistakes in this lifetime. It’s okay. You’ll fall off the wagon here and there. It’s okay.
Here are my tips:
Make the same foods you eat today while gently and constantly altering the content slowly over time. Modify one aspect of your Alfredo pasta at a time until it’s no longer anything like Alfredo pasta. [Noodles, butter, and cream, Italian folks.] Make mashed potatoes with your dairy substitute and eat less of them. If you don’t take it gently and slowly, you’ll kill off too many of those bacteria and pierce the biofilm and wreak worse havoc in your gut.
While you are doing this substitution dance, eat plenty of gelatin and collagen. Buy meat on the bone. Boil the bones to create broth. Flavor it with other stuff because the bones are tasteless. [Quit celery, by the way; it’s not a food.] Know that onions will soak up bad bacteria in your gut, especially the flesh of the onion. Know that garlic is similar medicine, as well as oregano and basil. Introduce these slowly for they are potent. Oregano is an anti-microbial herb that kills mold. Mold die off will cause mold toxicity. [Fact check me at parsleyhealth.com] Please see a real doctor who knows what mold toxicity is.
Be careful with oregano oil. That’s like setting off a nuclear bomb in your guts if you have mold in there.
I know not everyone who needs this diet can afford a doctor. Do it slowly! Reduce the problem items, increase brassicas especially [cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage, brussel sprouts, and technically kale — but be careful, leafy veg have tons of parasites in them. BOIL IT. FRY IT. ROAST IT. Or just retire it; you’re not a rabbit.] Mustard is a brassica but I’d avoid it just in case of unknown allergen. Rutabagas and Kohlrabi are listed as brassicas thanks to Google’s help here, but they’re high in starch. Starch is sugar. Sugar is cancer.
Everything you can buy in the grocery store that is in a box has sugar in it. Many things in jars and cans and bags have sugar in them. Convert to fresh. Additionally, eat low glycemic index fruits: raspberries, blackberries, strawberries (in moderation), cherries, pears, and apples. There are more fruits but citrus is full of acid and I recommend giving up acids forevermore. Sorry, vinegar lovers. [List of low glycemic index fruits via healthline.com]
So if you are trying to get healthy on minimum wage, here’s the tactic I suggest:
- Start replacing canned foods with fresh. It’s more work and it sucks, I’m sorry. It might cost a wee bit more, but isn’t your life worth it?
TIP: You can roast veggies at 350F in a pan for 55 minutes. Just watch the time while chilling on the couch or listen for the beep. You can also make meat at this temp/time, but it’ll probably be a bit dry or burnt. If you like less burnt taste on veggies (we love the char ourselves), then 45 minutes is enough and that’s perfect for any usual cut of meat to cook alongside it from fridge temperature. It’s 55 minutes from frozen. (YOU’RE WELCOME. NEVER THAW THAT SHIT AGAIN. God thinks we overcomplicate everything involving food preparation and overwhelm ourselves.)
Just a reminder: We mean things like chicken thighs and breasts, pork chops, lamb chops, stuff that is meant to be in single servings for a single meal.
- Start buying frozen if you can’t get it fresh. Bonus: fewer parasites/bugs in it. Or if they’re there, they’re dead!
TIP: It’s cheaper to buy everything at Sam’s Club and if you buy gas at the club on your member card, it pays for itself. Otherwise, Costco is also a good option, but I don’t recall if they sell fuel. Followed by in-season shopping at Farmer’s Markets and then Aldi, probably.
- BUY BONE-IN MEAT. Cut it off the bone after you cook it if you’re a pansy or pull it off with your fingers or a fork. God just wishes you’d grow up. You already contributed to the murder of a living being, get over it.
TIP: Check meat temperature near the bone when cooking it for food safety. The bone is the last thing to come to temperature. Add 10-15 minutes to normal cook times for each pound of meat if cooking from frozen.
- If you don’t have the energy to make all your meals from scratch then there’s a hack, but I want you to give it up when you’re well. It will not always serve you.
Replace one of your meals with FAT, a MULTI-VITAMIN, and COFFEE. Make ‘bulletproof’ coffee with a non-dairy fat like avocado oil or olive oil. The vitamin isn’t optional. Drink a bottle of spring water with a B complex.
- If you can find nuts on super sale or you’re a Sam’s/Costco member, buy CASHEWS. Eat lots of them! The other nuts are also good for you but if you can only buy one, make it raw cashews.
- ALMOND FLOUR, my baker friends. I know it’s expensive, but you no longer need sugar or flour and you’re going to use bulk oils instead of butter anyway, so you can now afford it. [This is why we don’t say almonds as the one nut to buy. The more variety in your diet, the better.]
NOTE: Gluten-y flour has B vitamins added to it. Up produce intake or eat B vitamin complex and take water.
- Shop around for inexpensive mineral water for your bottled water needs. Spring water is best of all.
- Stop eating out. Everything you eat in an establishment that sells dairy is contaminated with dairy. Everywhere with gluten is contaminated with gluten. Sugar is a fine dust covering that can be anywhere that has sugar. This is not helping you. Even vegan restaurants use sugar. [But my diner won’t.]
- Stop buying ground-up foods. They’re full of mold spores. [Chocolate powder — buy no sugar added baker’s bars if you insist, coffee — grind it yourself because it tastes better anyway, nut butters, peanut butter.] Similarly, juicing operations aren’t as cleanly as they should be, so avoid juices.
- Sugar substitutes are bad for you. It’s going to lead to leaky gut syndrome, son. Try frozen fruit, which is the cheapest way to buy fruit anyway. Remember: Variety is key.
- Give up alcohol. You are using it to self-medicate against the bad bacteria… the trouble is, it’s not hurting the mold at all and it’s not piercing the biofilm. It’s going to lead to leaky gut syndrome, son.
- Use bones from meat and boil them in a stock pot or crockpot for hours to leech out all the nutrients. Doctor the flavor with chicken base or beef base. If the bones are small, just use a mesh colander over a giant container to get them out. You can also toss in the ends of veggies, like the broccoli stems and cauliflower stems and even the brussel sprouts stems. You can toss in full herbs from the garden if you are growing them. Skim off fats by putting in the refrigerator overnight.
- Grow your own herbs. A bit hard to do but worth it once you master it. Container gardening is the hardest kind of gardening. Don’t be discouraged immediately by death. It’s so much cheaper to buy the seeds once and keep it alive for a decade than it is to buy dried spices, fresh, or live plants. (Or you can keep it alive one season only, thank it for growing to sustain you, and chop it down completely.)
Herbs can be dried upside down in a clean paper bag and then transferred into a glass jar or Tupperware container. (Get rid of common plastic to the best of your ability.) These are much more potent than what you buy from the store, which is commercially dehydrated at speed and loses a bunch of its flavor, nutrients, and medicinal value.
- BUY TURKEY. CHEAPEST BONE-IN MEAT ON THE MARKET. Make sure you get a pan big enough to roast that sucker in. It’s ~$30 for a bird that’ll feed a small family for a week. Cook it breast side down for a succulent breast. (You’re welcome.) Oh, one more tip… turn it around in the middle of the cook time because the front of the oven leaks heat out into the house via the door’s crack. Insert the thermometer into the breast near the bone to ensure it reached 165F. If you hadn’t already guessed, it will cook more evenly throughout just by placing it breast-down anyway.
- Love beef? Find a farm that sells it by the cow. You probably can’t afford a whole cow, but they sell it in half cow, quarter cow, and eighth cow quantities. You can always pool money with a trustworthy friend if you can’t get it in a small enough quantity for your family’s needs. It’s about $500 for 1/8 a cow (~50 pounds.) [Link] This can be a lot, I know. SEE: TURKEY. You can also do whole chickens for about $5.00 a chicken, but be careful… most chickens are mistreated.
Personally, I think you should find a farmer near you for this and maybe even meet your cow and pet it to thank it for sustaining you in the future. If they let you, that is. Talk to the farmers about taking food stamps. They do it in Missouri at the farmer’s markets so I know it’s possible.
- Not on a budget but reading this anyway? Try exotic meats farmed here: Exotic Meat Market.
If you’re like me, you have cats, too, and they sure do love their catnip. You can grow that, too, as long as you have a room you don’t let them into. Once you grow it and dry it, store it somewhere they can’t get to… they’ll be after your bag o’ nip constantly. My cats never cared about t he top of the refrigerator so much, let me tell you. They tried to figure out how to get up there hourly for two months!
Now if you read carefully, you’d know that I mentioned leaky gut syndrome above. [Learn more about it at clevelandclinic.org] This leads to MCAS, or mast cell activation syndrome, which is HELL. Don’t do it! [Read about MCAS here from the first woman to figure it out.] Thank you, Dr. O’Hara, for helping to save my life.
You can absolutely hurt yourself transitioning away from these things to that which will serve you better. Please listen to your body. Get a doctor if you can afford it. You should be prioritizing your health above everything else in life, even when you have reached enlightenment. I did not, thus I nearly died. Don’t make my mistake. Learn from it instead. Understand that I am sharing from a place of love. I do not want to harm you, even if you are my enemy. I do not trust doctors because one of them nearly killed me, quoting their oath to do no harm while laughing at my steady decline.
I nearly died of malnutrition and starvation. The critical turning point was August 8th, 2020. Two years and four months later, I’m still fighting to get better. I have learned since that moment in time that I am unable to eat dairy, fungus, eggs, and nightshades. I was already gluten-free. I was prescribed the ketogenic diet by my doctor, who weighed me once a month and took my vitals. She got lab testing every 3-6 months. For two years, I saw this doctor, which ended in March 2021 when she told me she thought I was gay. I’m pretty sure I have a case for attempted murder, so I’m not too bothered that my statute of limitations ends in March 2022 for malpractice.
I’ll argue now that I don’t think two years is long enough in such an extreme case.
Anyway, that’s enough to get you started on your journey to raise your vibration. Know without a doubt that food is your #1 medicine, no matter if the rest of my advice seems reasonable or not. You are what you eat. I do not want you to do this alone. I felt alone even with that doctor collecting my copay monthly. Being a scientist at heart, I know what I did. I was losing 10 pounds a month, which this woman assured me was okay because I was so fat. The only medical doctor to ever say so (to me.) The rest indicate this is a symptom of cancer. She negated a lot of medical convention and advice I hold true from reading a lot of articles online. I foolishly believed her. She abused her position of power and authority and she will not be the only one, I’m sure. The mold toxicity stole my power to reason. I had no chance.
Here’s something they don’t tell you: you piss the fat out when you lose weight. It escapes in your urine! You don’t even need to exercise, per se. DRINK YOUR WATER! Drink twice as much if you drink coffee or tea! Drink twice as much if you’re on diuretics! You could already be doing everything right but drinking four cups too little water means no change. Capisce?
Hit me up on Discord if you need your hand held, want to tell me off for not being a doctor, or whatever you need. Or perhaps you want to celebrate the fact that you’re already at vibrational neutrality? 🙂
P.S. God tells me I have cancer and that this diet will kill anyone who tries it, but I don’t see how eating tons of veggies, healthy plant fats, adequate protein, handfuls of low glycemic index fruits, and cutting out refined products will kill anyone. It’s how they eat in Europe, folks! Ask a European today! [Fact Check me @ foodnetwork.com]
P.P.S. I’ll see you in Hell, Dr. Death. (God chuckles.)