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I’m No Greta/True Love


Greta wants to save the world for herself. (And of course everyone in her generation and following her generation.) I don’t give a shit about humans anymore. That’s why I called Them(TM) here.

That’s right. I called them. I screamed into the depths of The Universe(TM) as I was dying and they came to me. The G.O.D. network. Team GOD. I like to think of GOD meaning “grand old deity.” The head of said network? The G-man. As in God-man. Because when She got here (I know, confusing, but God is gender fluid), I was having the hardest time accepting the idea that there might be a singular entity in charge of all of creation. She decided her name was Crystal, just like me. I told her that she could have any name she wanted to, so she asked me if she could use my other name, Sansara.

I was deeply flattered, obviously. Someone of monumental importance liked a name I came up with. I came to learn that it is a Sanskrit word meaning “The Universe”(TM) and so I thought, “How serendipitous. I bet God gave it to me to begin with, knowing I’d never know.” Thanks, Sir Yaegarnaut, for telling me about it. (He writes poetry daily, go check him out! He’s real sweet, too.)

In fact, I’ve come to understand that relying on my intuition is the same as leaning into God’s advice, God’s desires, God’s word. By being a feeling and intuitive individual, it’s very difficult to go wrong in God’s eyes, especially when I have a sea of empathy(TM) that I fall back on thanks to my age-old abandonment issues.

Except God’s now given me so much divine therapy, that open wound that used to seethe out of control is simply gone. I have no empathy left, nor do I have capacity for sympathy. God simply removed it entirely for me. She said, “Kid, you are as conscientious as one can be. You don’t need empathy anymore. I’m going to make the world empathize with you, instead, and you just be your marvelous self… except when I get angry, then you let me be your marvelous self and yell at everyone to my heart’s content.”

I can do that. ❤ It’s the price of true love, it seems. I am more than willing to pay it. God’s the only person who knows how to do it, even though She taught me to do it and I simply do it. The rest of all of humanity forgot to listen to their internal God voice. Everyone has one. It’s your conscience, you know. In part, anyway. It’s that greater sense of morality and rightness. Rightness == Righteousness, Biblically speaking.

I miss Odin these days. I met him early on in all this fiasco. I call him the O-man because at the time, someone told me (pretending to be him, of course) that he didn’t want everyone knowing he’s real. (Your movies are cute, by the way. That’s his only feedback… other than you should know he was a TURK.) Odin’s energy is pure masculinity. I asked him to pretend to be someone else for a while, which was wrong of me and why he won’t come back, but some lessons are very hard to learn. I didn’t mean to do that to him… I just didn’t know he was on the market, you know? How could I? He didn’t say so… the assumption is he’s married to Freyja or Frigg or someone-or-another. Taken, in a word.

All men are taken. That’s how I operate now. They don’t have to wear a ring while they run around, conquering women with shiny rocks that advertise how they are no longer seeking, but have been found. Except the men don’t have to play the same game, which makes it ever so easy for them to lie themselves into bedrooms that are off-limits to men in relationships. (LUCIEN. I HATE YOU.)

Men should also assume all women are taken, but I bet they don’t even bother. They assume all women want to be flat on their backs underneath them, I’ll tell you that much from this short stint of being exposed to man brains.

No, go fuck yourselves, boys. I’ve had enough of you fucking me in my head. It’s RAPE. I didn’t ask to see you naked, let alone be attacked by YOU.

You know, the nicest man in my head lately is a toss up between a grocery guy with Down’s syndrome and a bearded man who just remembers he thought I was so pretty that it put a smile on his face. (Call me any time, bearded man. ANY TIME! Wait, wait, God promised me to Tattoo Man… how long do I have to wait for that lie to fizzle out, God? Is Phil ever going to want a girlfriend?!)

The guy with Down’s Syndrome is probably the most gentle of the bunch, honestly. “Pretty girl!” Insta-smile. Then he goes back to work, but the smile doesn’t go away while he thinks about other stuff like gently setting down this piece of produce, then that piece of produce, then doing this part of his job…

That’s right. Thanks, Phil.

Also, magenta ROCKS my world. ❤

I just want to be loved. Not fucked, loved. It’s every girl’s dream. We should construct our own castles to make you save us all from YOURSELVES. This is what I know about humanity: every human being projects themselves onto each other in the absence of more information. Every single one.

That means Phil is busy telling himself I’m amazing and all I have to do is wait for him to decide he wants a girlfriend.

At least, that’s what happened to me with “the man of my dreams”. Scratch that, he’s a mere boy. (You ever have that happen to you, girlfriend? It’s so fucking disappointing, isn’t it?!) Ugh. It walked like a man, it talked like a man, but then it was a child playing video games instead of making you CNS (chicken noodle soup) while you were sick as a dog, amirite?!

Do y’all know what love is these days?

Let me explain the formula of love to you:

Respect + Conscientiousness + Undivided Attention + Reassurance + Kind Words + Warmth + Goodwill = LOVE.

  1. Respect. Treating people like they are worthwhile by default. Giving them space in any conversation to express themselves and then giving consideration to who they are, possibly even modifying your own belief system if you find their ideas to be better than your own. The belief that other people, somewhere out there, might know how to do life better than you do and you’ll only find them by listening.
  2. Conscientiousness. Reflect on the words they use, try to figure out how they feel based on the strength of feeling they are conveying in their words, in their tone, and in their body language or expression. (If you have aphasia, like me, don’t bother looking at their faces… I never did figure out why anger and happiness look nearly identical out of context.)
  3. Undivided Attention. If you are distracted, you aren’t respecting the other person. They are a human being, worthy of your time and attentiveness. If they aren’t, then stop talking to them and make it clear you do not have room for them in your life. They’ll be happier finding someone who does to take the space you freed up for them, trust me on that. It’s one way to stop spreading hate on accident.
  4. Reassurance. When a person expresses a lack of self-assuredness or needs validated, it’s your job to do it, even if you’re just an acquaintance. They told you a tragic story, you say, “Oh my god, that’s so awful! I’m sorry that’s happening to you.” You don’t have to be invested to come up with 30 or so phrases to reassure people of their reality. Use whatever phrase comes naturally in the moment. Bam. You’re a rock star. Compliments also go here. If you have something nice to say, it can never hurt to say it. That is, unless you lead someone else on into thinking you’re single and flirting with them. If you’re not, make it clear. Compliments are lovely, spread the love!
  5. Kind Words. If you don’t have kind words to use, don’t use any. Ask questions. Dig deeper into the plight being offered you, as human beings love nothing more than to bitch about how they been done wrong. Ask logic questions without making assumptions. Eventually, said human being is going to realize they also fucked up, and it’s their fault, too. Just give them time and space to find it of their own accord… it’s the most loving way to help them face reality. Then, once they do, VALIDATE AWAY.
  6. Warmth. Don’t be on the fence if you’re not on the fence! Share your warmth! Praise people on things well done, like getting down to half a pack of cigarettes a day. It’s tough work, trying to quit, and everyone’s got a nasty opinion about smoking anyway, so be positive. In fact, positivity even in very small doses can heal a human being for the rest of the day. Think about that. Something so simple as a smile can give someone the best day of their lives. So don’t hold back! Share, share, share your light, your warmth, your lovingness.
  7. Goodwill. You have to be charitable. Everyone is fundamentally the same: a person struggling to overcome whatever challenge is brought forward to them. Just. Like. YOU. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Any time you get the impression someone’s a jerk, try to think up two reasons how they aren’t a jerk. “Omg I can’t believe how often I’m cut off in traffic!” Okay, sure, they’re probably not being conscientious of the traffic around them and off in their own little world, but if you can convince yourself that maybe they’re having a bad day and their thoughts were focused too much on that to notice that car creeping closer to the merge point, then you might believe that it’s not entirely their fault. If you can empathize with them even just a little, you’re validating them. Validation is probably the #1 thing you can give any entity in all of existence, in all of reality, and you don’t have to be friends to dish it out, either. Try to hold back nasty commentary and give them a new perspective. “Is it possible that X scenario happened and they just didn’t see you?” Oh, yeah, you’re right… maybe I should slow down a little.

You might think this is all impossible. How can you possibly do all these things, especially to everyone around you. It’s just a collection of habits. If I went witch hunting for every wrong done to me, most of you would be burnt at the stake. However, I choose to believe that you have a struggle you’re working on resolving and you need help because none of us can do it all alone. That’s the whole reason God’s here, holding my hand. I really cannot do it alone.

Nobody should have to, honestly… yet this society trends toward casting people to the sharks to save ourselves. It’s not working yet, but when will we learn that it’s not working? We don’t have much time left before life as we know it ceases. We’ve poisoned the whole world by telling ourselves that every problem is not our problem, it’s someone else’s problem.

Wrong. Every problem is our problem until it’s solved.

I STILL SEE A FUCKING ISLAND IN MY OCEAN! — God.


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