Today I am learning things I thought I knew all about, but just in case I did not… well. 🙂
I knew this better the first time I learned it, of course. It’s good to have a refresher since I haven’t been in school in so long. Also nice? It’s not a Microsoft Textbook trying to teach it to me. I have PTSD from reading those. I swear.
A sea of words that are all very precise and yet circular. Nobody really seems to know what they’re talking about, describing the situation over and over again. Usually the part easiest to “get.” Then, suddenly, you swan dive into a difficult concept that has one. single. sentence.
I never felt more alone amongst a sea of words. I love words. I spent summers reading books voraciously, one after the other, often through the night since there was no air conditioning. To say I have a vocabulary worth being minorly jealous about is putting it a bit mildly… and still, Microsoft textbooks. I don’t know how I even passed my networking class, actually.
I was a bit distracted by the really hot guy that sat next to me, actually. He put his arms around me once to type on my keyboard, but I had no idea how to respond to that. I felt amazing for years from that one singular thing: the hot guy was flirting with me. I don’t even remember his name now, to be honest, but maybe there’s still a little part of me that wishes I’d said something. Anything. Actually, I know there’s a large part of me that wishes I said something.
Anyway, do you remember that dufus telling you to take down your desktop background because a lady was in the room? I’ll tell you what: I was mad at him making me his excuse to be a gentleman. He should have told you it was against his classroom policy. That’s why I put my own hand-drawn image (which wasn’t even sexual, he just made it that way with an overactive imagination… a silhouette is not sexual, people) on my desktop as the background. I got sick of him telling you to take off Luis Royo off your computer just because I was sitting there.
I don’t even remember his name, my memory has gotten… erased, primarily. But I remember you, hot networking dude who sat next to me.
And I wish I knew how to flirt back in those days. I really do. I learned directly after that, after that class finished and I never really saw you again.
And why, exactly, am I taking a stroll down memory lane? I have no choice, honestly. Since my brain got wiped from constant malnutrition, I have to seize the moment and write down whatever I do remember. The other reason is I’m doing The Odin Project.
I’m still working on the foundation courses. It’s slow, they have a lot of external links to read and watch and if I eat the wrong thing, my brain goes haywire and I can’t think anymore. It happened… a barely ripe California peach. I bet in three days, when they are softer and juicier, I will have no problem at all.
I have yet to determine what medical condition could underlie this phenomenon. Something is medically wrong with me, I know it is true. I just don’t trust any fucking doctors to help me actually fix it. Instead, I expect endless expensive tests and a run-around to tell me what I already know: I have an enzyme deficiency. But, how does an enzyme deficiency account for whether or not a peach makes my brain go haywire eaten three days before its prime? It doesn’t.
I can use logic to pinpoint and narrow down what’s going on with me, but no doctor seems to give a shit when I arrive at a conclusion and present it. #FuckAmerica.