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French Onion Soup & Reubens

Dinner was delicious today. I double-toasted my Carbonaught gluten-free bread to make it most like regular toast, threw some roast beef slices on it, and some sauerkraut and called it a day for me. For my mom, I added the Thousand Island signature dressing for the Reuben. I can’t eat that part, so I omitted it.

To be fair, I’m not really absolutely certain I can eat the Carbonaught gluten-free bread, either, but I’m trying anyway. Life without carbohydrates basically sucks. (I mean, besides the incidental carbohydrates in my veggies.)

I made French Onion Soup to go with it, but it’s not that same ol’ same ol’ recipe everyone else uses.

BEHOLD… kitchen sink version of French onion soup:


  • 5 onions, thinly sliced.
  • 10 tbs avocado oil.
  • 1 tbs of beef base. (Sam’s Club; you’re welcome.)
  • 1 tbs garlic. (optional, of course)
  • 1 tbs basil. (optional, of course)
  • 1 tbs parsley. (optional, of course)
  • Spring water.
  • Dairy-free mozzarella (Wegmans brand)


  • Clean and slice all your onions thinly.
  • Heat oil in the bottom of a heavy soup pot on 6-7.
  • Throw onions in and stir vigorously to keep them from burning.
  • Add beef base once onions are caramelized.
  • Add water and allow to simmer for a few minutes.

I skipped the croutons, but I could have double-toasted the Carbonaught (Wegmans) to create them. I didn’t want to overtax my poor digestive system. I might have anyway, but I am resolving to work out tonight instead of stressing about it.

You could say I’m inspired by the Superman stocking shelves at Sam’s. I didn’t expect to see him today, let alone in more clothes than before. I didn’t recognize him at first, either, because I didn’t exactly make eye contact with him before. I think the only thing he’s missing is a big smile. Smiles are so sexy, you know? Everyone should be doing it.


Get your brain out the gutter, rapist.

My one question to Superman is this:
WHAT… is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? EUROPEAN!

And now for something completely different!

Counting Stars by One Republic on Spotify

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