He’s Just Doing His Job

I decided to go hit up Target for some hair color. I am completely delighted that they now carry some Manic Panic! A tried and true colorant! And I was skeptical at first, but I read the label and I saw it’s vegan and cruelty free. I’m surprised, honestly. Now, I know that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily great for the environment, but I hope it’s one step closer, at least.

I might end up making my own hair dye in the future if not. Or going back to Overtone. I love Overtone, but it’s not available in any store that I’ve seen yet. Not even Sally’s Beauty Supplies. Maybe that’s a market you can corner, gals.

Anyway, I took a gander at their clearance stuff. I wonder how it stacks up to Goodwill prices… I’m trying to see if it’s really cheaper to buy from Goodwill or not. I’m thinking it’s about the same price, after all is said and done. However, Goodwill definitely has everyone beat for “one of a kind” in most cases.

I didn’t buy anything, but I did sashay over to the hair color in a meandering way, arguing with myself the whole way. The boys in my head — I’ve at least ascertained they are boys — are irritated we didn’t run around trying to get some dude’s attention at Wegmans. First of all, I never really did that — I just happen to notice people lately. Thanks to these normies peeing in my Cheerios every second of every day.

What they didn’t see coming was that the cashier at Target’s self-checkout was going to have to assist me with making a cash purchase when I checked out. His smile… I keep telling myself he was just doing his job, but he was shining his inner light so brightly.

Keep it up, Target dude.

P.S. You’re cute.

And the shit show in my head wasn’t expecting that, so I was able to actually smile back without overthinking it.

I wish I could live my life the way I used to… I remember smiling all the time before all this crap happened to me. Before the Kundalini awakening made me telepathic and able to hear my exes that really have zero sense whatsoever.

I have been told so many falsehoods in the past 18 months, I don’t know where to begin, but I started hijacking their narrative a few months ago. I finally caught on that all they want to do is waste all my time until I die… why? Because they’re SORE LOSERS.

Let’s rematch. Halo style. I think I’d win, to be honest. I don’t fight fair anymore.

Wait, did I ever?

P.S. all gamer folks who have been shot with the full clip of the assault rifle while I bob and weave my way up to you to knife you in the head… I’m NOT sorry. But I do have new tricks to try, so watch out!

I know, in part, this whole thing is therapy. Lots and lots of annoying fucking therapy to force me to figure out who I am in all this mess and rise above(TM).

There’s a secret to all this insanity. I’m waiting for someone. I don’t know what they look like, but I know what they act like. I’ve nicknamed him (sorry, ladies, I’m into gentlemen only) The Hunter(TM). He is a human-shaped human, you see, and he comes in whatever envelope his genetic lottery won him. Remember, all men are handsome(TM)!

Honestly, I care more about their souls. And maybe a teeny tiny little bit about their taste with colors and in dressing themselves. Oh and a lot about their hygiene, but that’s something everyone has control over. I care more about what they have control over than what they look like. In fact, I could date a Quasimodo. That guy has got it all… except the Prince Charming package.

In fact, referencing packages… I don’t care about that, either. Just to get it out of the way. That’s right! Not all women give a shit about how big your dick is, bro. In fact, a real woman can work with anything. Anything. As long as it belongs to a real man, that is… and no, I don’t mean cisgender anything.

Let me illuminate for you what a real adult looks like:

1. They take responsibility for more than just themselves. It might be animals, children, the planet, or even family members/friends who are suffering.
2. They don’t place the blame on other people; they step up to the part they played in making it happen instead and allow other people to claim their own blame.
3. They walk away from failure to return investments instead of getting angry their investments aren’t returned. (i.e. They Cut Their Losses, BRO.)
4. They groom their misbehaviors and break bad habits as often as they find them in order to feel better about the one and only person they have to live with to the end of time: themselves.
5. They look for the silver lining instead of ruminating over what didn’t go their way, knowing they can only control themselves and how they perceive the world.

There are more things, but I figure I should repeat myself as often as possible because you all have learning disabilities and don’t know how to work around them. So, I will take responsibility for your problem and do it for you: stay tuned for more insights into what makes a man a man and a woman a woman.