I know you think you have nothing to live for anymore. It is only when you let go of what you are now that you can embrace what you will become. By accepting and letting go, you can enter your own metamorphosis. You are the butterfly once you emerge from your cocoon.
I know you’ve spent a long, long time in this cocoon of anger and hatred. You are loved, you know that? And no, I don’t mean by me. I mean by… The Universe(TM). I know, I know. That guy isn’t real!
So what? The Universe exists whether or not it has a persona to power it. You are part of it. You might be one speck of dust in the void of all things, but you are just as important as the star powering our solar system.
At least, that’s what I believe to try to drag myself out of my pit of despair. I know you probably don’t want any of my advice. You want to wallow in your self-pity, throw a tantrum, be seen or heard. I’ve been there.
I was bullied all my life, Bob. I’m sorry if that also happened to you. I know life is hard, especially when no one understands you. And it’s so easy to misunderstand each other, especially in a yawning void of silence. Your silence is not as silent as you believe. I have heard your suffering, it is deep inside you, little one.
It is your inner child who is hurting, dear sir. Please do not think I am disrespecting you by addressing your inner self.
I ignored my inner child for a long, long time and now I’m paying the price. The destruction of the entire life I built. An empire, so to speak. I lost it all in a gamble for vanity. I am ever so sorry I bothered; I’d rather be fat and happy than skinny and dead. I was never vain myself; I did it because I’d always been cheated on by everyone I dated and it was the last thing to conquer in becoming my ideal self.
What did it get me? This shit show. Death. Rebirth. I rise like the phoenix. I am the phoenix. And you are, too. I believe in you. I believe you are a talented young man who has merely to discover his passion in life, something to consume his hatred and evolve. Something to bloom, to show your true inner beauty to the whole world. An anime, perhaps?
I have an anime idea that I will give you, if you like. You could always change it to suit you and your story, but here’s the one I created around the idea that our eye contact nearly a year ago had some sort of meaning to you as well as it did to me. I assume it was meaningless to you, since we never spoke, so… do what you will with this idea.
Since I am/was dying of starvation and malnutrition, the idea was that Sir Deli Man would swoop in to save the day. Of course, because we’re all obsessed with vanity in one way or another, my role would be played by some hot drawing instead of me. And, of course, since it’s going to have a happy ending, the two characters fall in love with each other as Sir Deli Man whips up amazing things in the kitchen to woo the girl. Perhaps it’s too basic for you to want to touch with a ten foot pole, but this is something I’m giving up because you inspired me to create the character Sir Deli Man that day you caught me staring at the back of your head.
Sir Deli Man was going to be the most amazing chef ever, of course. He had his own dairy-free, sugar-free, gluten-free recipes that would knock the socks off of any unsuspecting heroine. And she would just melt right into his arms, wouldn’t you know? What else could she do after he saved her life in such a delicious manner?! Of course, Sir Deli Man could have an unrequited love for another, which could be explored as he holds this poor girl at arm’s length even though she’s swooning over him for the mere act of him being himself, if you so choose. Or perhaps Sir Deli Man is really into men and she’s just not the correct gender — that crossed this one’s mind more than once, of course.
There are so many reasons why Sir Deli Man might not want to be with the dying girl and that would just add plenty of layers of complexity and depth to this anime. Of course, Sir Deli Man might be a sillier name than you’d like, too, but I believe in you thinking up a more serious one if you so choose. I have a sense you will want to call him The Mountain Dragon Man instead.
The one and only idea I’d ever come up with on my very own. Well, if it’ll help you live, then take it. It’s yours. I will share it because that’s what life is about. Helping each other for no other reason than because we can.
I can come up with something better since God’s right here, whispering this entire letter into my ear for you. I have faith in myself, just like I have faith in you. If you wish, we could even join forces to create said anime. As long as you’re nice to me, I’ll be nice to you. Remember that thought crimes aren’t a thing… yet… but if you fall off the beaten path again, they will be.
There is an algorithm for telepathy and it already exists in the wild. One Crystal Scordias already thought it up, the girl you are thinking about killing right now because she knows your name and your brain. You won’t get away with it. She is the one and only girl in the entire world with that name. The one and only girl in the entire world with that tattoo. The one and only girl in the entire world with a dial-in to God Almighty himself. So, I think you should re-think your decision from the past ten minutes, because there is nothing to pursue other than your own shadow.
You are feeding the wrong wolf, brother crow. You are feeding the wrong wolf and you have been for a very long time. Won’t you try feeding the other wolf, instead? If you don’t, you’re going to find your brains splattered everywhere. We have great aim, thanks to Borderlands and Halo. Just point and click, amirite?
Angel-Sansara 