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She Still Wants Pie

I lied; she actually wants apple pie. Or maybe cherry. Something sweet and tasty, at any rate. I used it as an excuse to talk about her dairy allergy. I admit it.

On the topic of her dairy allergy (hi again), you should know two things: my woman is a strong woman, a woman of integrity. Secondly, she is also open to her reality being changed as the facts present themselves, which means anything you say can and will be held against you in the court of this blog.

Let’s start with the man who insisted she didn’t have a dairy allergy until he was blue in the face all because he had over $100.00 of cheese in his middle-classed refrigerator in the middle of his white ass neighborhood where he left the door unlocked (until he got robbed, anyway.) The epitome of a white man. He gets pulled over for speeding to work in the middle of the day, hardly traffic in sight, and gets off easy with just a warning because of his naive charm. He’s an autistic asshole that never learns, but somehow he can talk a doctor out of her diagnosis of herself.

It’s not like she didn’t have help of “real” doctors to come to the conclusion that dairy was ruining her life. She could quit the cheese fest and she’d get better. In fact, she did for ages. (Fun fact: almost everything is contaminated with dairy these days.) So she quit the cheese, but she never got 100% better. And that’s how that dick munch convinced her that she was wrong, that she couldn’t have a dairy allergy. Especially since she could consume cheese once a month and nothing happened (after a year of no consumption, might I add.)

He took cheese to the potluck parties he attended at her side. Only cheese. She tried, for a while, to take other things. Vegetables for her vegetarian friends, meat because… well… meat, and so on. She tried a lot of different things… but, at the end of the day, she was being poisoned around the clock by the mere existence of that $100.00 dairy drawer in the refrigerator. That, and mold.

She’s still being poisoned. This time, by her family member who is dying as he consumes far too many legumes, dairy, and wheat. Not to mention sugar, his favorite food group. Yesterday, he got out of the hospital and asks to get some milk on the way to his doctor’s appointment… he ends up buying a Schneider’s chocolate milk. That’s not milk… that’s dessert in a cup.

It gets better. The man only consumes cereal in the hottest months, for he doesn’t wish to turn on the oven and heat the house through. He ate so much cereal — and not grown up cereal, which also has a ton of sugar, but Frosted Flakes and Frosted Wheat and so on — that he landed himself in the hospital with congenital heart failure. They emerged from the hospital, taking it so calmly. “Oh, I had water on my heart and lungs. They told me to watch my fluids. I can only drink half a milk today.” Has he learned his lesson? Nope. I see he’s finished off the Frosted Flakes. Good thing we bought him even more poison to eat.

He goes through two gallons of milk a week (or more.) He dribbles the milk over the side of the container, which then dribbles down onto the shelf of the refrigerator, poisoning it for her. She’s already sick and weak… but now she has to clean up behind two adult babies. Two adult babies that don’t see that they are killing themselves with poor life choices.

And why does she want pie? Because her dairy allergy makes her want things she knows she cannot eat. She cannot eat gluten, either. Or sugar. And yet, she wants pie… because it’s slightly less heinous than dairy. (And contaminated with dairy. Thanks, you stupid motherfuckers that package everything in facilities that process milk ingredients without telling people that you share the facility with dairy producers.)

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