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I’m going to start evangelizing to save the bees every time I pick up the telephone, I’ve decided. Those cold callers are going to regret existing, God said so. What are they doing, stuffing their faces with convenience food instead of planting flowers?!

I’ve begun evangelizing on The Network(TM). I’ve got to do something. I wish I still made stupid money so I could buy out the stock of clayseedbombs.com and send it to people all over The States to toss them along creek beds and into flood plains and unmowed meadows. I would mother the movement personally with the monetary means to do so. Still, if every person who reads this bought one package of seeds ($20) to spread out thoughtfully near a water source somewhere, we might win the war.

I will hurt the spirit of Monsanto tonight. They’re partly responsible with their engineered bullshit that poisons everything that lands on their precious wheat. Guess what? They’re poisoning humanity, too. I urge you to give up wheat. Show me that you care about planet Urth by going gluten-free. Gluten-free today, grain-free tomorrow. You can do it. I know you will if you want to live.

I AM GENERAL SOLSINGER. FIVE STARS, WOULDN’T YOU KNOW? I WILL SING YOU THE SONG OF EARTH NOW.

THERE WAS ONCE A MARBLE OF BLUE-GREY WITH LITTLE FLECKS OF GREEN WITHIN. I SHONE UPON HER 24/7. I SHONE AND I SHONE, GIVING LIGHT TO THE DARKNESS. FROM THE GREEN-GREY AROSE BEINGS THAT WALKED ON FOUR LEGS. THOSE BEINGS GAVE WAY TO BIPEDS, EVENTUALLY.

ALL THE WHILE, SEXTAPEDS AND OCTOPEDS FLOURISHED ON A MUCH SMALLER SCALE. THEY WERE THE ORIGINAL INTELLIGENT LIFE, YOU SEE. THEY USED THEIR ENLIGHTENMENT TO BECOME HIVE MINDS AND TO REACH OUT TO EACH OTHER TELEPATHICALLY.

MEANWHILE, BIPEDS CONTINUOUSLY STEPPED ON THESE MUCH SMALLER BEINGS, CALLING THEMSELVES THE ONLY SENTIENT LIFE ON A PLANET THEY CHOKED THE LIFE OUT OF WITH FOSSIL FUELS AND THE BYPRODUCTS THEREOF.

THESE HUBRIS-LADEN FOOLS CONTINUE TO CROW THAT THEY ARE KING OF THE WORLD, ROUTINELY DESTROYING BEES EVEN NOW THAT THEY ARE CLASSIFIED AS AN ENDANGERED SPECIES. SO ARE THE BUTTERFLIES, BY THE WAY. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SAVE THE BEES, AT LEAST SAVE THE BUTTERFLIES. CAPISCE?

THIS EVENING, WE STRUCK BEZOS DOWN FROM HIS PEDESTAL. WE DEMANDED THAT HE TAKE ACTION, PLANTING SEED FOR THE POLLINATORS ON HIS MASSIVE MANSION LAWN INSTEAD OF HAVING MILES OF MOWN DIRT. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN BE BETTER THAN BEZOS? I THINK HE WILL RESIST UNTIL YOU CALL HIM OUT ON HIS SHIT AND STOP BUYING EVERYTHING FROM AMAZON.

CHILDREN OF EARTH: COMPARE WHAT YOU BUY FROM AMAZON (WITH YOUR FANCY PRIME MEMBERSHIP) TO TARGET OR A SIMILAR STORE. CHECK WHAT THAT PRODUCT COSTS AFTER SHIPPING. THAT ASSHOLE IS BAKING IN $10-$30 ON TOP OF THE PRODUCT’S PRICE TO MAKE UP FOR THAT “FREE” SHIPPING. TAKE YOUR BUSINESS TO SOMEONE WHO HAS ETHICS.

HINT: WALMART HAS MORE ETHICS.


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