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I’m the messiah (and so are you)

There’s a book out there we call The Bible. It says that there’s this guy named God out there who is the supreme being of righteousness. I hope there is, although I’m an atheist, because I’d like to meet him some day. I hear he’s the father of all humanity, after all.

Does that mean we’re science experiments born out of test tubes? How did we come to exist? Were we deposited on Earth via spaceship? Where is He now? Was he saying wholly instead of holy when he dictated The Bible to use via telepathy from a universe or galaxy far, far away?

I have so many questions. I hope they have answers, but I’m not so sure. I’m not sure anyone else is really ready for the answers to my kinds of questions, either.

If you just found my diary today, please don’t bother reading before this point. It’s drivel that I’m sentimentally attached to and don’t want to edit or delete just to please an audience. There’s some racy content if you’re into that sort of thing and a really preachy bullshit message about rape and stuff. (Spoiler alert!)

If you’re a real adult, you might appreciate it. I took out the most heinous part of it, which involved a dog, a woman, and a man. It was an excellent example of rape, but it’s not appropriate. I did add trigger warnings, and it was in terrible taste and I know that, but some art just can’t be appreciated.

I have been to the depths of the Mariana’s Trench when it comes to the human psyche. I was raised in squalor without morals. I somehow have morals and ethics anyway, but I don’t know how unless God gave them to me. (He says he did.) He said we’re all born knowing right from wrong, actually… it’s just that most of us forget the difference because we get into one terribly bad habit: justification.

I learned a long time ago that to justify something I am doing means my conscience does not like it, and if I simply avoid doing anything I have to justify, I can live a life without doubt and regret. I’ve lived this way so long that people think I’m perfect, but I assure you I’m far from perfect. Perfection is a myth created by narcissists. The only thing that can be close is Nature herself.

Gaia is what our planet should have been named. He told me that, too. He said ‘earth’ is a word for dirt. It’s an element. It’s not a planet. And the planet? She’s alive, just like we are. Yes, she’s a she. He checked.

We were brought here on a spaceship many millennia ago. We were told to live with the land. We were told to do our best to keep it fertile and lush and beautiful, that it was the new Garden of Eden. The original Garden of Eden is on another planet in another galaxy in another solar system in another universe.

And it was ruined. Just like we’ve now ruined Gaia. What God did was bring here a bunch of seeds from the Garden of Eden to try to begin again. Then he left, leaving us to our own devices with a story to tell from one generation to the next. It’s gotten garbled along the way because we’re idiots, in a word. It’s okay, he said, but we have got to get this mess cleaned up or else there will be Hell to pay.

He will destroy humanity if he has to in order to bring balance back. He hates to say it, but we fucked up too many times, especially since we also ruined Venus. He told us telepathy is possible and all we’ve done is create technology and exploited natural resources and all life as we know it for personal gain and comfort.

He’s not against washing machines, though he’d prefer we use a laundromat. They’re more efficient, anyway. He’s not against dishwashers, though why bother having real dishes when you can harvest bamboo and just throw it away like we all like to do anyway? If you harvested the bamboo for the dishes, you wouldn’t really need a dishwasher, would you? Sure, there are pots and pans, but you can do those by hands, surely, Earthling scumbags that you are. Half the shit you eat isn’t even good for you, I’ll have you know that.

There are a lot of conveniences you’ve created just to tramble over bugs, spiders, rodents, and basically anything you consider to be a pest, driving them away from your homes completely (sensible, since many carry diseases) and summarily destroy all their fucking habitats. Didn’t you learn the first three planets you ruined? I’m done now, I have no patience for you. I’m taking Gaia back in less than two years.

I already know the future. You will scoff at this very article that my daughter so diligently takes down. I’m dictating it to her so that the rest of you have warning. I’m going to kill each and every one of you stupid motherfuckers that insists on poisoning the earth with your nonsense. The entire system of everything must change or only 2.2 billion human beings will be left to process the aftermath.

The rest of you will die.

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