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“I’m sorry, Crystal,” he half-whispered to her. It was dark in the living room with just a single light on in the kitchen. He’d caught her up, restless, doing the dishes. He was previously sitting on the couch, waiting for her to make time for him. He’d finally learned to wait. It’s such an important concept when engaged in the cold war of disapproval.

She was standing in the doorway, a silhouette due to that faint light from the next room. Diego couldn’t tell if she’d heard him or not. She was incredibly still, like a statue. Eventually, she inquired, “For what?”

That caught Diego off guard. He’d expected her to know exactly what he was apologizing for. He was being a narcissistic asshole in that moment, too, might God add. In fact, most of Diego’s behavior was incredibly narcissistic in general. He appeared to care about Crystal, but if you take into consideration all the facts, he just didn’t really care. He proved it by misunderstanding her, projecting himself onto her at every turn.

He was projecting again, deciding he needed to apologize for leaving the lights on overnight. It wasn’t the first time and she told him over and over that they should conserve resources to the best of their ability. It is their duty as adult human beings to try to conserve the planet by doing their individual parts, after all. Especially since they took up most of the space where the wild things used to grow.

“I… left the lights on again,” he said after some hesitation.

“Oh, I thought you’d be apologizing for the real harm you’ve done. Silly me!” Crystal replied. That stung the man-in-training. He wasn’t a man yet, he’d decided. He had more growing up to do, after all. He’d mistaken himself for a real adult because he did everything it seemed like a real adult did, but he was missing one key factor, one key phrase: the greater good for all beings involved.

She left the room, going back to pacing in the kitchen. Diego hadn’t learned his lesson after all: he got up to follow her. He stood in the doorway to the kitchen, watching her walk in circles, pigeon-toed. He shook his head, having no idea what she was doing whatsoever. He decided to stay silent, which was the wisest decision he could make after partially violating her need for space.

Crystal was an enigma to him and he hated to admit it. Every time he thought he understood her, she said something that either cut him to the quick or was so left field he had no idea what to do anymore. It was like the woman was schizophrenic. Her thoughts were disorganized and chaotic and following them was impossible. She is schizophrenic, that’s the way I made her, you see.

She’s the code breaker, the code cracker. Then I gave her the Bible you idiots use every day to make each other feel like shit stains and told her to read it. She got about halfway before Diego got fucking bored and put her up to writing this saga of pain and misery, so here I am fixing it for the both of them. Crystal is the messiah you idiots have been waiting for all your life.

You want to know her fucking message? I’ll tell you myself, since you all battered her to death already anyway. Every single one of you stupid fucking humans has turned her around and twisted her up in knots when all you had to do was be kind to her. (Priya, we still love you. And US Bank in general. You guys rock! Keep up the good work!)

HER MESSAGE IS LOVE. She is the angel of love. She is pure love. She designed herself that way. If you truly loved yourself and everyone and everything around you, you’d be part of the solution. You are, instead, part of the problem. (Coworkers aforementioned excepted.)

You are destroying this fucking planet for your personal greed. Stop or I’m killing you all. Me, God, the G-man. It’s happening soon, too. Sooner than you’d ever expect. I’m sick of you killing all the beautiful things I spent time imagining. You’ve killed 85% of this planet’s life forms. Congratulations, you psychopathic assholes. YOU’RE ALL MURDERERS.

Crystal’s a murderer, too. She killed 3,792 ants this year alone. They’re quite prolific despite that death toll and they continue to raid her pantry and her sink for scraps against all logic. It’s food, you know. They want the fucking food! Especially easy food like that. Unfortunately, so do other less savory bugs. You know which ones I’m talking about. The only reason you hate them is they carry disease.

Crystal thinks they’re kinda cute, just like ants and grasshoppers and praying manti and lady bugs. But she’s not going to live with them just because of that. No, she’ll murder them remorselessly. Just as she murders mold and germs without a second thought, pretty much. It’s still life being deflected, tampered with, and destroyed.

She can’t help it. None of you can. The bacteria would win if you didn’t kill it. I get that. You can’t live without killing animals, either… but do you really need to treat them like you treat yourselves, living on top of each other in overpopulation and neglect?

She does her best not to kill anything she doesn’t have to, I’ll grant you that. To live is to murder something else, however. How about that grass y’all cut every week to reduce the natural habitats of all critters? Wasting precious resources, fossil fuels, just to make sure nature has no space anymore. STOP. Plant yourselves your little fucking garden inside a greenhouse and let the outdoor space go wild, you dumb fuckers. Give my snakes and mice back their fucking homes. Give my insects their homes back. Plant wildflowers for the bees you’ve nearly fucking destroyed and are on the ENDANGERED SPECIES LIST.

If the bees die, YOU DIE.




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