Design a site like this with
Get started

Mass Suicide

“Death by Chocolate.” That phrase applies to my near-death experience. I went on keto, doing it all the wrong ways, no thanks to my primary care physician. I suspect I’m allergic to chocolate, but even if I’m not… I’d wager a million dollars I don’t even have that it’s chock full of mold.

The world supply of processed foods is contaminated with mold. It’s now the dominant life form on planet Earth, if you ask me. It’s everywhere, isn’t it? It’s the only battle we have left, besides bacteria and viruses. I don’t think we’re going to win, not with the methods we’ve devised to date. There are plenty of things that eat mold, but we don’t allow those life forms a space to live. No, no.

We know best, us humans. With our tools and our technology. The technology won’t be saving us from mold toxicity, my friends. Chances are, you’re already experiencing it. Loss of memory. Fatigue. Loss of drive. Undernourished, malnourished, starved. That’s you. It’s me, too.

Do you know what feeds mold inside the human body? DAIRY. Cheese is your enemy when you have mold toxicity. SUGAR. ANIMAL FATS. GRAINS (cuz SUGAR, YOU IDIOT.) STARCHY VEG. NIGHTSHADES.

Goodbye, American diet. You’re saturated with all these things. Traditional American food? Grilled cheese. Mac N Cheese. Cheeseburger on a bun. Cereal with milk. Chocolate milk. PIZZA. Gluten fried everything.

Do you know how hard it is to eat mold-free? You will once you start dying from mold toxicity and decide to save yourself.

Oh, but what about the stuff that comes out of a can?! It’s moldy. I’m sorry to tell you, but the equipment used to process food isn’t cleaned well enough. It isn’t sanitized frequently enough. It isn’t power washed with enough force to peel all the mold spores away. (Know how tiny mold spores are? MICROSCOPIC.)

You think it’s bad to hear stories like Pop Tarts having a rat infestation? If Kellogg can accidentally overlook entire rats, do you really think they’re checking the mold counts? Oh, and let’s review what’s in Pop Tarts… HOW MUCH SUGAR?!

Oh, it’s just twenty two teaspoons, that’s all, Sansara. OMFG. Do you have taste buds left, Pop Tarts-lover? If you’re eating that much sugar, you can’t taste the sugar in an apple… Fruit is nature’s candy, you dolts! I love cherries especially, myself. But watch out — mold gets in here, too. And parasites, from time to time.

And if you eat that much sugar for breakfast, what are you eating for lunch and dinner? MORE SUGAR? Oh, no, it’s just GRAINS (code word for SUGAR) and POTATOES (code word for SUGAR) and BEANS (code word for SUGAR) and…

What part of your day doesn’t revolve around sugar, American?

Now, some people are thinking, “Ah, that’s not me. I eat a healthy breakfast. I eat eggs and bacon! Turkey breakfast sausage links and patties! Turkey bacon! A couple pieces of whole wheat toast with butter, hash browns. It’s delicious and nutritious!”

WRONG! First of all, if you eat that every day, you’re wasting a chance for variety. Variety is key. Small portions are key (to metabolism, anyway.) You have zero veg in that breakfast. Potatoes are poison. They are nightshades and full of sugar. Nightshades are bad, mkay? Maybe other people can eat tomato and potato, but I bet they’re just ignoring symptoms of poisoning themselves.

What are the symptoms, Sansara?

GAS. Loose stools. Diarrhea. Constipation. Lethargy. Your food is supposed to be fuel. ENERGY. Do you feel tired after you eat? Congratulations, you’re joining me in mass suicide by food. Prepare to die! Oh, and it’s going to be so gradual, you won’t hardly notice. Don’t worry.

No, I’m not a certified nutritionist, but I could get the piece of paper right now if it’d make you listen to me. I’ve read thousands of health/food articles, maybe even a hundred thousand. I’ve been trying to diagnose myself and my body for thirty some years, I’ve been trying to lose weight since I was eight years old. I tried portion control, I tried calorie counting, I tried every health food fad diet known to man, including juicing my fruits and vegetables, veganism, paleo, and so many more. Including keto, the one that nearly killed me.

Eat fresh. Cut out all the preservative crap. Find food with one ingredient and then combine the ingredients yourself. Hand craft your food if you want to live. If it doesn’t look right to you, throw it away. (It hurts me to advise you to throw food away because I grew up without food, but food is not immortal. You are not immortal, either.)

My ancient ones were delivered “health food” by the hospital. I read the fucking label and I can’t believe the lengths they go to. They assassinate the food to make it low fat and half carb, half protein. This is a diet you can lose weight on, and for people with gall bladder issues, it might provide relief. (Your gall bladder processes fats, by the by.) I was on this diet, too, once. And weight loss pills that made me feel like my insides were burning all the time, like I could never drink enough water.

Ultimately, the supplements for that diet cost $400 per month and that’s just not sustainable. Nor is it healthy to pump supplements in to force your body into a different state of metabolism. Just eat a small bowl of food every three hours, jackass. Make every other bowl a vegetable, like broccoli or cauliflower. Sneak some carrots in a few times a week for your eye health, even if you don’t like carrots. I hate carrots.


I mean… eat them in moderation, because I know you can’t help yourself. It’s totally okay, they won’t kill you even a little bit.

Onions are technically high in sugar, but they have antimicrobial qualities, just as garlic does. This is good for soaking up bad bacteria and killing parasites, wouldn’t you know? And so is sweating once a day.

But Sansara, this diet doesn’t sound any fun!

Neither does dying, Crystal!

We’re currently in denial and failing to follow our own advice, I’ll add. I’ll see you on the other side of death, friend!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: