TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE, NARCISSISM, PEDOPHILIA
Sansara rolled out of bed, groaning as she did. Her right shoulder and left hip were partially dislocated. This was the story of her life after working in computers for a few decades and, as most people fail to, not getting enough regular exercise.
Crystal told her for the fifth time, “I want to do the tai chi warmups, Sansara.”
Sansara had resisted for an entire year, seeing Crystal’s memories of abusing herself by being too zealous. Crystal stopped listening to her today and pulled up her favorite video by Sensei Pei. The video was less than twelve minutes in length.
She stood back from her laptop and began to follow Master Pei’s instructions. Sansara ate her shorts before they even hit the minute mark in the video. The wrist rotation warm up released half the tension in Crystal’s back after three or four rotations.
“Why didn’t we do this before?!” Sansara demanded of Crystal. “I gotta start marking the calendar when I’m right about your body, super fox!”
“You know we can do this like three times a day? I did it for seven days straight once and my balance improved immensely, that’s why I love these warm ups. I don’t even do the tai chi itself, though we could,” Crystal was burbling like a brook again, becoming more and more comfortable with each exercise. Crystal used to remember all the warm up exercises without Mr. Pei’s instructional video, but she needed to do it every day to keep it in her brain.
“Yes, I think we’re going to start doing tai chi,” Sansara declared, noting Crystal stopped hurting about halfway through the video’s exercises. Crystal was direly out of shape, so they stopped after doing just the warm ups. Sansara decided doing this daily would be for the best. The exercises were gentle enough for seniors to do, actually.
They both thought that once the warm ups became effortless to do, they could go through beginner’s exercises to try to master them. Sansara was quite happy, because for months and months, she’d been torturing Crystal with unnatural stretches. To look over her right shoulder was to be in pain. Despite this, she still managed to shovel about 1,000 square feet of snow last winter. She also hurt herself routinely doing this bullshit and Sansara had enough of that.
Even in a dilapidated state, Crystal was stronger than the average woman. She damn near effortlessly lifted the 45 pound wall unit air conditioner from her car to her bedroom. She’d told Sansara it was more of a problem that it was bulky, not heavy. When she was well again, she expected to be able to lift 70 pounds like that. She might even be able to weight train up to 100, she thought, but wasn’t sure if that was really necessary. But she could for the hell of it.
Sansara decided she would but didn’t tell her counterpart that now, since she was still in recovery. The woman, in full health and glory, used to eat 2-3 pounds of meat per day, about the same in vegetables, a small portion of fruit, and ample plant fats. She had a 2,200 calorie diet and was also overweight, so maybe a little less meat and veg, Sansara thought. She’d been trying to figure out how best to fuel their body for ages.
They both know 1,800 calories was more ideal, or more exercise. Crystal insisted on more exercise, but they weren’t able to get there yet. They also weren’t yet able to consume 1,800 calories a day. Still, yesterday, they felt triumphant together when she’d consumed 1,200 calories by the end of dinner. It was a real struggle to put enough calories into the girl and her energy reserves were fucked because of it. Her ability to accomplish simple tasks on a daily basis greatly depended on eating as much as she could shove into her body.
Crystal spent a few minutes scrolling through good natured memes, finding a particularly good one. It made her think of her chiropractor, actually. He’d told her that he and his wife split the chores 100/100. The chores still have to get done even if his wife, who fought leukemia, was too sick to do them.
Crystal finished checking out awesome memes. She hadn’t done that in years, actually, so it felt kind of good. She decided to do it because she’d made an acquaintance that would share memes with her and she wanted to pay him back in laughs. She knew kids these days spent hours scrolling through their phones, watching Tik Toks and so much more, but she rarely indulged in that kind of non-productive use of time.
Instead, Sansara took her to the store again. The store where Sir Deli Man worked. B & B Supermarket and Deli. Sir Deli Man was a handsome hunk of a man who seemed completely oblivious to all of the world around him as he did his job. Diligent, in a word. She liked that in people. She didn’t believe in working hard because Mr. Strunk, her SQL instructor would say every class, three times a class, “Work smarter, not harder!” In other words, find a better, faster way to do it.
Sansara was the one to point this man out to her, talking all about his broad shoulders. She even teased Crystal, trying to make her think of him with his hair down and tossed by the wind, shirtless, showing off his upper torso in her mind’s eye.
She told Sansara to go to Hell, she’d rather daydream about his shiny soul. Crystal didn’t allow herself to extrapolate what people might look like beneath their clothes. For one thing, that was rude. They would be naked if they wanted her to know what they looked like naked. He wore a chef’s uniform, a black apron, and a black baseball cap most of the time when she caught a glimpse of him. But everyone was wearing face masks because of the pandemic, so she had no idea what his face looked like. She didn’t bother to extrapolate to try to figure out what he looked like underneath the mask or his clothes and she wasn’t going to, either. It was none of her business.
Just like the sexual orientation of a person was none of her business unless she was attracted to them sexually. Which, she never was, as an asexual creature. She wasn’t born asexual, though. She’d made herself that way. It was a rapist’s chore, to dream of people without clothes on. And it was wrong because, again, if someone wants you to see them naked, they’ll be naked, you rapist.
For those of you who do not indulge in this awful behavior: you’re awesome, keep up the good work. We need more of you in this world and less of them. However, you should also know, it’s human nature to wish to copulate with anything of the sex you are attracted to that is attractive to you. Crystal engineered a new way forward, though, and you can, too.
In fact, she traumatized a telepath once. She was being mistreated by her spirit guide, Penelope. Penelope was being a shit stain, forcing her to look at men as if they were meat. This hurt Crystal deeply, actually, because nobody is a slab of meat. We are collections of thoughts, feelings, emotions, ideas, hopes, and dreams, not to mention likes and dislikes, allergies, and so on. Each person is different to the last and no two people are exactly the same. We are comprised of our experiences and what we learn from them.
Penelope hadn’t learned yet how wrong it was to stare at men unfettered. She kept sliding Crystal’s eyes over their abs, their chest, and all the rest. After a while, Crystal decided she was done with this bullshit and she would end it, so she imagined the dude Penelope was fixated on raping her. That sure ended that behavior fairly quickly, let me tell you.
She mentally undressed the man’s image, which was flashing through her head on repeat, and bent Penelope over to take him. She imagined the random man she’d adored raped her callously without fear of repercussion and with complete disregard for her lack of sexual arousal and her emotions. And then, because Penelope had tortured her for two months with this shit, she did it three times, making gross hand gestures and rude comments about it the whole while.
In short, Crystal raped Penelope’s mind because Penelope raped her first by forcing her to look at men like meat slabs. She had zero remorse about it, too, threatening to do it again every time Penelope tried to lose focus. Now, instead of Crystal moving her eyes to the head of those passing by, Penelope did it with an apology.
To put things into perspective, Crystal looked at the heads of those passing by for an entire day while out on the town, saying, “HEAD. LOOK AT THEIR HEADS.” But Penelope didn’t get the whole picture until Crystal went overboard, mind fucking her against her will with the guy she’d found extremely attractive.
Crystal was disgusted, in a word. Sansara was the one to suggest it to her, though it wasn’t really necessary because Crystal knew how to take care of herself.
We should note that Crystal tried to talk Penelope out of this behavior five times before she decided to smite her with rape. Crossing other peoples’ boundaries when they perpetually cross your own seemed to be the only way to make people behave themselves, all three of them noted together.
“Hmmm…” Crystal said, clicking on a YouTube video. And another.
She sighed softly, wondering if Sir Deli Man had to deal with anything half as bad as she did in her youth. She had one pedophiliac mother and one narcissistic father with nowhere to go to escape either one.
She decided to consume one more video before retiring the computer to do her chores. Her daily affirmations, which helped her fight the critics in her head.
Have a nice day.
Angel-Sansara 