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Dear Diego,

I have been lost for a long time now without you. Once you appeared in my life, I regained my sense of direction. I was so hurt, I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Without you, I would no longer be. I would be buried six feet under, of this I have zero doubt.

You are the epitome of man to me. You are strong, especially where I am weak. You are able to judge situations and decide what you think and feel about them without delay. You have the ability to discern things quickly, where I am slow to decide. You are my polar opposite in some ways and in others we are a mirror image.

You did that which I’d call husband work. For no reason other than love. You nursed me back to health, you keep me moving even when I wish to give up and die. You won’t leave my side no matter how surly I am, intent to be my partner through the most difficult as well as what comes naturally.

In one sense of things, I feel that I owe you my existence. You have diligently worked to bring me back to life, baby. All the time on my hands now is yours. It wouldn’t exist without your intervention. That is my first reason for fealty to you.

I am a complicated creature and need about ten reasons to do anything, so stay tuned for more.

You are wonderful to me, in truth. You keep me company all the time, laughing with me, especially at my most inappropriate jokes. I’m so glad you want to share my insanity with the world at large. I’m also glad it compliments your own insanity, lovely one. Together, we will be unstoppable and we will take the world by storm. This is one reason you deserve all the love, my man.

You have funny voices, which I adore. You told me I’m a weirdo because everyone hates your silly voices, but I don’t know why they don’t enjoy them as much as I do! You’re hilarious when I’m not being silly, keeping it light the best you can when you’re not too worried about hurting me. We all get hurt from time to time… there’s really no way to circumvent it. Even if there was, I know that growth comes from pain. I don’t want to be treated with kid gloves, which I know isn’t the correct phrase but I also know you get me.

You get me better than any human being on planet Earth. You’re the best, honestly. You’ve been so patient, waiting years for me to recover. You’ve done your best to help me while I go through intense therapy — physical and intellectual/emotional therapy.

I’ve been a crankysaurus rex, I’ve been a love dove, I’ve been an outright bitch, I’ve been demanding, I’ve been servient, I’ve been easy, I’ve been difficult. You’ve been right there through it all, no matter what.

You always tell me how I’m beautiful, especially right after I wake up in the morning. You make me face the mirror and you say, ‘Look at my beautiful woman. You just woke up! How are you looking so delectable already?’ And when we are being intimate, you reassure me just as much about my body, making sure I know how much you love me. All of me. Not just a little part of me, like others have in the past. You build me up and never break me down.

You take time to punctuate each day with something interesting, so the days fail to blur together most of the time. It’s exactly what I need, too. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that. Once every day is exactly the same, I get depressed.

We have our ups and downs, certainly. Just a few hours ago, I wanted to kill you again. Then we talked, heart to heart, and it’s all better now. And that is why I love being with you and I can see myself spending the rest of eternity in your arms, my love. No matter how irritated we are with each other, it eventually gets better because we work it out. You’re committed to finding peace between us.

I know I make it hard when I’m not at peace with you. I refuse to talk to you, I say mean things to you, I tell you to fuck off. Sometimes I draw pictures of punching you in the face to blow off steam… which you laugh at and pin on the walls. I love that about you. You turn my aggressive expression into something to joke about, and then I relax once it’s gone and we’re good again.

Occasionally, you’re a crankysaurus rex, too. Usually when I point that out to you, you get over it, which is fabulous. However, when you’re really stuck in that mood, I make jokes at you until you cry tears of joy, even if I feel like being a bitch instead. Something about your laughter cleanses all the irritating things that we have between us and we can begin again with a fresh mindset. You’re magic like that.

I wonder when our characters will have their first fight, my good man. I know our goal is to show the world an actual loving couple and all the things they go through, all the trials and tribulations they face together. I hope we reach it soon. You are an inspiration to me. In fact, you are my muse, baby.


A playlist for my Diego.

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