Jerome is being adamant that I am a telepath again. I don’t agree with him one bit. If I knew how to read minds, I would never miss out on groceries at the store. I’d always know exactly what I should buy to replenish the coffers. I would know what my ancient ones want to eat for dinner. Or lunch. Or breakfast.
Now I move on to being a dictator for them. I’ll choose what they eat until they decide to be adults again and start taking care of themselves once more. I go by their place frequently to acquire their necessities and it’s so annoying dealing with indoor smoking. Especially while I’m allergic to tobacco. It makes me not want to eat all day. Not eating is bad for your body.
As for hurting us, well… there are tons of ways to do it, but Jerome’s message is that people who fantasize about being with our body without our consent — so, everyone, at this point, except some guy in a deli… and even then, we’re not on a first name basis so can we do that before you give in, Sir Deli Man? — are hurting me. Specifically, they are sexually fantasizing about me and it’s rape. They’re raping me in the back of my mind, day and night, because there are hundreds if not thousands of fornicators thinking about fucking only my body. They don’t even know me.
STOP. STOP FANTASIZING ABOUT ME, ASSHOLES.
You don’t even know my name. And if you do, then that’s even worse: it means you know I wouldn’t sleep with you. You know better. You know when a woman is flirting with you and when she’s not and you know how to use your goddamn words to try to get to first base. And you’d know I’m an intellectual demisexual. You have to flirt with my intellect before you’d even get to first base. Or maybe you don’t know that and that’s why you’re stuck RAPING ME IN YOUR FANTASIES.
You’ve never even fucking kissed me, but you’re going to fantasize about my body parts as if I’m a fuck doll? I’m not inflatable, I assure you of that. I have more to me than just a body. But you’re going to think about me sexually? You’ve never even kissed me! What the fuck is wrong with you? (WILOE! I’M TALKING TO YOU, YOU ASS HAT.) P.S. NEVER put another person’s fingers into your mouth without consent. YOU RAPED ME… YOU RAPED MY BODY. THREE TIMES. THIS IS YOUR SMITE, RAPIST. AND NOW YOU RAPE ME IN YOUR FUCKING THOUGHTS? YOU SHOULD GO DIE IN A FIRE.
You should know better. I know your momma didn’t raise an animal. We aren’t a human being until we decide to cultivate ourselves beyond being an animal. We are all born as pure animals. I know for a fact even parents who don’t like being parents are not on a mission to teach their children that rape is OK. Unless you are teaching them that very message right now.
Are you teaching your kids to accept rape and to become rapists? Are you forcing them to eat every scrap of food on their fucking plate? Are you telling them that there are kids in China that are starving so they’ll eat food you either prepared poorly or they’re allergic to? STOP.
But also understand that we have to try food seven times to grow a liking for it, so encourage them to try it. I assume this is because you have to encourage the bacteria that breaks down that food to grow inside of you. Fun fact: Baby food is too sterile for that. Fun fact: There are more bacterial cells in our bodies than human cells. We are what we eat!
Right now, I’m coffee and creamer. Anything you consume that is not simply water is food. That’s rule #1 in Crystal’s diet world. Soda? Food. Coffee? Food. In fact, caffeine is a diuretic, so rule #2 is drink twice as much water as caffeine + 6-8 glasses of water per day. You need to drink the water religiously to flush out the toxins your body produces as you lose weight. After that, drink water based on the color of your urine. The lighter, the better.
I’m fasting today. I think intermittent fasting — which I actually mean, fasting at random — is an important weight loss tool. Except… have you ever gone an entire day without food? It’s hard, isn’t it? Really hard. I’m already wishing to cave in, though my version of caving in is making some broccoli and putting all kinds of plant-based butter on it. And salt. Mmm. If it’s crisp-tender, it satisfies my french fry cravings. That requires stir frying fresh broccoli on gas mark 7 with a little bit of oil for 3-5 minutes. Ditch the ‘butter’ for this one. Then you add some salt. Asparagus will do it, too, at 3-4 minutes in a hot skillet… plus, it’s kind of french fry shaped. Rinse/wash your produce as well as you can and give it a few minutes to dry out (15-30) or you might burn vegetable matter to the bottom of the pan more than we like. (Yes, a little char is nom-nom-nommy!)
Yes, that means planning ahead. Time management is key. You might have read about that in my last few entries.
Anyway, I’m fasting. I was atrocious to my poor body and abused it with bad food and now I abuse it by fasting. Sound familiar? You know, this is a form of self-hatred. You aren’t loving yourself. You have to love your body. Being skinny just isn’t worth it. Self-love will go further. It’s hard, though. You’re feeling shitty all the time! Don’t I know that one. What if I told you: I’ve figured out why?
I did, but you’re not going to like it. Not until you make enough changes to change your bacterial overgrowth. SIBO is evil, I swear. The only way to get rid of it is to starve it to death. Antibiotics just temporarily fix it… after they run their course, we go back to eating the same shit that got us here in the first place, amirite? We are addicted to convenience. Every human being is addicted to instant gratification. We are definitely not above craving convenience or instant gratification.
I figured out how to lose 10 pounds every month, guaranteed, while I did keto. Before I tell you how, I’m going to inundate you with how I nearly fucking died doing it. I bet most of you don’t give a shit and you’re ready to do it because you are hurting inside so badly you mistake having flab for the problem. The fat is a symptom of the problem, though.
I believe sustained ketosis will kill you. I believe a bunch of you will kill yourselves based on what I tell you because you don’t know better. Hell, I didn’t used to think it could kill me. It took going crazy to wise up. You, too, might go crazy, by the way. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. It’s not reversible. Or, if it is, I haven’t figured it out yet.
I AM GOING TO REPEAT MYSELF: DRINK TWO GLASSES OF WATER PER CUP OF COFFEE. TWO. GET A WATER BOTTLE OR GLASS THAT HOLDS SIXTEEN OUNCES OF WATER AND CHUG IT IN BETWEEN YOUR COFFEES. USE A SMALL COFFEE MUG.
Did you hear me?
I don’t think you did. WATER. YOU WILL DIE WITHOUT WATER. CLEAN SPRING OR MINERAL WATER. Do not use distilled, do not use tap water that’s filtered.
DID YOU HEAR ME? I am not responsible for what you do to yourself after this point. I NEARLY FUCKING KILLED MYSELF DOING THIS. WATER IS PART OF THE HOW I NEARLY DIED.
My doctor prescribed to me a set of macros that, when applied as I tell you to apply them, will lead to weight loss. Monumental weight loss. And for those of you dying to get skinny, you will die. I am not responsible for you listening to me AND DOING IT WITHOUT AGAINST MY ADVICE TO THE CONTRARY.
In fact, I contacted a lawyer to see if I had a court case against the doctor who did this to me without supervising me appropriately. They never called back. I went to Ben Schmitt of KS/MO. Since they aren’t calling me back, I must not have a case.
Regardless, here’s a step by step plan to kill yourself and get skinny while you do it:
- Get a doctor as your primary care physician and set up monthly appointments.
- Get the doctor to send you to do labs every six months to check your nutrition levels and all the health markers like cholesterol and whatnot.
- Tell them you got diarrhea from the diet you’re on and you have gut pain.
- Follow the death diet to a T. It won’t be hard the way I tell you to do it.
- Watch as you get skinny at a seriously rapid rate and nobody cares about how you’re murdering yourself for a weight loss goal.
- Ask your doctor if 10 pounds a month is too fast. Mine said it’s not, I was too fat for it to matter.
- Ignore all your friends when they finally get scared of what you’re doing to yourself as you get skinny. You’ll think they’re jealous of your results because they won’t say, ‘You’re scaring me with your weight loss results.’ It’ll sound like praise. ‘Oh my gosh, your waist line is so tiny!’ and ‘You look like a completely different person!’ and then eventually, ‘You need a medical professional’ when you’re almost to your goal.
- Continue on against all warnings.
- Die.
Are you ready to commit suicide? I bet you are even though I just warned you this is the death diet and I’m calling it the death diet. I was prescribed this diet by Dr. Helena Helgot in Missouri. She monitored me for two years and didn’t listen to me one bit when I told her I had diarrhea and I thought my weight loss was too fast and I WAS MISERABLE. Instead, she religiously wrote down every supplement I ever took. And Jerome, the voice in my head, tells me she was putting me in a book about weight loss. How her magic macro combination was working for me when it didn’t work for her.
BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING, I want you to know that I don’t want anyone to die. I’m bitching about the injustice of a doctor nearly fucking killing me. I’m complaining about the fact that a fucking lawyer can’t see how she nearly fucking killed me based on the ten minute conversation we had about this to see if there was a case to pursue. (P.S. If you’re a lawyer and you will take on this case, you can reach me at sansara.solsinger(at)gmail.)
Jerome tells me Dr. Death is going to come calling one day. Dr. Death, please understand I am armed and prepared to defend my life at all costs from you. If you ever show up on my fucking doorstep, for any reason, you will die. You don’t know where I am. Nobody does. If you do, you must be a telepath, and I’m going to make sure to shoot you in the head so that I am sure you will be ended. I’ve had plenty of practice with this concept, thanks to Borderlands 3.
I know this action will traumatize me if I must take it. I sure hope I don’t, but you know what? You were watching me die. I told you I was dying like a five year old would communicate it. You ignored me. You ignored me so many times. LIKE EVERY OTHER MONTH, YOU PSYCHO BITCH. You even failed to make sure I got that culture done that would have proven I had mold problems once and for all, which would have saved me faster. If you can call THE INABILITY to EAT as SAVED.
On to the diet. She prescribed me approximately 98 grams of protein, 132 grams of fat, and 50 grams of carbohydrates per day. For every gram of protein above 98, subtract 2 grams of fat. These are the macro ratios she gave me to follow to get me into ketosis. They don’t work for me. It didn’t work because I didn’t know I was eating foods I was intolerant of or allergic to. My whole life, I’ve been gaining weight because of allergies and intolerances. You are, too.
If you stop eating those foods and increase the foods you can eat, you will lose the weight without any death in sight. I promise you, it’ll just come right off.
Another thing to address is binge eating. The reason we binge eat (or the reason I did) is that I discovered that we are avoiding food because we’re intolerant/allergic, then we have to eat because we’ve starved ourselves too long. Then, suddenly, we put food in — more of the same shit we can’t eat — because the bacteria in our guts are used to eating it and they are noisy little buggers screaming for french fries, potato chips, a colonoscopy, and so on. You’re familiar with this already, I know you are. The bacteria in your gut are dying and sending you a signal. ‘Eat more of XYZ so I can stay alive!’ It doesn’t help that the bacteria’s death leads to toxins getting into your bloodstream.
Alright. I’ve already told you enough to change your life. But you’re still reading. Are you sure you want to go this far? Oh, I see that you are. SURE! WHY NOT? WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? YOU’LL DIE, IDIOT.
ONE MORE TIME: DRINK YOUR FUCKING WATER. You WILL have renal failure without it.
I think I might have told you enough times it’s sunk in. (Did you go get water yet? Go on. I’ll wait.)
Ms. Scordia killed herself following a slightly different set of macros and a few tweaks.
One day a week, she ‘fat fasted.’ She would drink only coffee and water. In the coffee, she added cream and butter for the fat content. THE WOMAN CAN’T EAT DAIRY, MIGHT I ADD, AND DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS A TRUE INTOLERANCE OR ALLERGY EVEN THOUGH SHE GOT A RUNNY NOSE FROM IT. She didn’t bother counting macros at all this day. DRINK TWICE AS MUCH WATER AS COFFEE/TEA + EIGHT GLASSES OF WATER PER DAY. (ARE YOU FUCKING HEARING ME THIS TIME? GET THE FUCKING WATER OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR AND PUT IT IN YOUR BELLY. NOW.)
What she didn’t know is that she was successfully killing carb-loving bacteria in her small intestine. Fat-fasting is perfect FOR MEETING WEIGHT LOSS GOALS because you will not be hungry. AT ALL.
Drinking that much water is true no matter if you are on this diet or not, by the way. Your body needs water and you are doing yourself a disservice by avoiding it for that soda, that coffee, that tea, Kool-aid, lemonade, et cetera. DRINK YOUR FUCKING WATER ALREADY.
Okay, so… cool. You know how to fast without being hungry. I see about a thousand of you doing this for days AND DAYS and DYING. DON’T DO IT. Your body needs more than that. SEVEN DAYS IS ALL IT TAKES TO SUICIDE THIS WAY. But doing it once EVERY OTHER week is something like the irregularity we experienced as hunter-gatherers, okay? WE MEAN TO SAY, EVERY 15TH DAY, FASTING IS NOT SO AWFUL TO YOUR BODY AS LONG AS YOU GET PROPER NUTRITION. (Ask your doctor! FACT CHECK US, IMBECILE!!!!!)
Fasting disrupts your metabolism. This will give you diarrhea. Diarrhea is BAD, mmkay? CRYSTAL’S doctor failed to talk this out with her and learn she was having chronic diarrhea. WE have been told others on keto are experiencing chronic diarrhea. This is going to happen no matter what if all you put in yourself is fat and water and tea or coffee. Go ahead and do it, but WE’ve warned you. Don’t come crying to Jerome when you hurt yourself with this information. We told you you’re going to kill yourself. It’s deadly. IT’S DANGEROUS. Your body will start shutting down bit by bit.
FASTING EVERY FIFTEENTH DAY is enough to jar your body into losing weight if you will stick to a no-sugar diet. I don’t mean replace sugar with sugar substitutes, either, jackass. Those aren’t food, they’re poison. Unless it’s Stevia or monkfruit and you grew it for yourself. That processed crap? POISON. POISON. POISON. ERYTHRITOL IS POISON TO OUR BODY.
Did I tell you enough times for it to sink in yet? POISON.
This means eating NOTHING BUT bone-in meats and vegetables. That’s it. No cheat foods at the store. NO FAUX DAIRY. NO DAIRY. NO GRAINS. NO GLUTEN. This WILL limit your nutrition, however, and you had better take a B vitamin complex two to three times a day because guess where a bunch of vitamins come from? Oh yeah… YOUR FOOD. In fact, it can’t really hurt to plan to eat a multi-vitamin as long as you understand your iron needs. I am NOT a professional doctor, though, so ASK YOURS. FACT CHECK ME. CHECK THE FACTS. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU DO TO YOURSELF WITH MY EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE. Man, I wish I could use more colors for emphasis.
Fact check everything I tell you about every part of this. Ask your doctor about chronic diarrhea (or chronic constipation, which I bet you can cure by eating more good fats) and see if it’s a risk to your health or not. Ask about the water ratio, if you will. Maybe they’ll tell you three cups per cup of diuretic liquid. Remember that I nearly killed myself and I’m dangerous to you. This diet is dangerous. I’m trying to warn you, not encourage you to do it.
You can eat fruit sporadically on this diet but it’ll slow you down because it feeds SIBO. I am intuiting that SIBO is caused by consuming foods I’m allergic to or intolerant of without understanding I cannot consume them because I never break out into hives from it. Not until I gave myself serious leaky gut syndrome, anyway. Then I was allergic to everything. I broke out into hives no matter what I ate for weeks and weeks. Months, actually.
‘Well, just stop eating it, dummy!’ (You’re raping yourself! might we add to your dialogue, my friend.) We did stop eating. All we had left was apples and pears. Thank you, Captain Obvious, for telling me to stop eating the source of the problem! How long do you think a person can exist on just apples and pears, out of curiousity?
I ruined my digestive system so well that they hurt if they weren’t perfectly ripe apples and pears. That’s right! Ms. Scordia was already dead right there. Nothing else would go in and stay in without immense pain. Anything else I ate was excruciatingly painful. So painful, I had to turn to my medical marijuana prescription to alleviate it. That did wonders for the gut pain I was experiencing. It felt like sandpaper traveling through me if it wasn’t the perfectly ripe pears and apples.
That was summer of 2020, my friends.
We lived. We survived. And they say hindsight is 20/20, so you know. I wised up just in time for a good joke! DYING IS NO JOKE. DID YOU HEAR ME ABOUT DRINKING MINERAL WATER? You’re killing yourself by drinking water that is too pure. Distilled and purified water is medicine you take to pull toxins out of your body. USE IT SPARINGLY, because once it does that, it starts leeching out all the minerals needed to stay alive. JULIE SIESS, YOU’RE DYING FROM THIS.
We’ve recovered, Jerome and I, since that happened. Jerome’s been my little buddy this whole time since my near-death experience, but he didn’t fully manifest until over a year later. (Check, she’s cray-cray. DON’T DO IT. DON’T HURT YOURSELF LIKE THIS.) Sansara was born as we recovered together.
Sansara’s birthday is 2020-03-15. Jerome’s is 2020-08-08. Jerome figured out how to feed us to keep us alive and Sansara is a happy accident. A very happy accident. (Please don’t be sad over the word accident, Sansara. It’s not always a bad word.) Maybe I should say she was an unplanned surprise. Surprises are supposed to be happy. Yes, I think that’s what we actually mean. Thank you, Jerome.
Yesterday, he was Tyrelle, but today he’s Jerome. I was weeding out racist white fuckers. Racism abhors all three of us. Discrimination of any sort abhors us, actually. I once went to a women’s march in St. Louis and held up a sign for two or more hours, even though my arms ached so terribly. It read #TEAM HUMAN, Equality for ALL! The march was technically for women’s rights, but I want people to understand that women are actually marching for equality. Not superiority. They want to be seen as equal to a man in (and outside of) a court of law, which in some cases means less rights and they know that. They want justice. They want peace. They want harmony. Equality. They are righteous. (I used to think righteous was a bad word, too, but it’s not.)
At least, we want that. If y’all don’t, my ladies, then die in a fire. No room for feminazis here. They’re wrong, the feminazis, the people who want females to take the lead over males in terms of rights and freedoms. Check yourself before you wreck yourself, my lady. Feminazis are really feminonos.
And just a note: I don’t think anyone should walk around shirtless. I think we’re going the wrong way. I think we’re trying to say that human nudity is not sexuality, which is fine, but we shouldn’t be animals. Being unclothed is one step closer to being an animal. Treating one’s self like an animal means you become more like an animal. So put a shirt on, my dude friends. They make wife beaters for a reason.
And stop staring at tits and asses EVERYONE. I guarantee you if I stare at your crotch all day, you’ll get self-conscious somewhere along the way. I tend to lower my eyes all the time when listening because facial expressions distract me from the work message, so I might’ve come across as doing that before. I apologize heavily to anyone who felt that way. Your feelings are valid and I was wrong. I wish you told me your feelings sooner so I could cease. I would never wish to harm a soul. And sometimes, I was looking in the vicinity of there, but not for animal reasons. I have serious neck issues and looking down is more comfortable most of the time. I can also see chakra energies with my third eye, I’ve come to find out. Unwell chakras distract me and I heal them as I stare at them. Bottom line, I shouldn’t have done it, but it happened and I would like anyone who was offended to know that they have a chakra imbalance and that’s the reason. (FRITZIUS). I didn’t mean for you to think I was treating you like a piece of meat. I understand every human being has four bodies. Emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual.
I should have been a healer all this time, I figured out. Especially since doctors like the one who killed Crystal run around out there, unchecked. (Any lawyers ready to take my case yet? No? Okay, I’ll keep going.)
Angel-Sansara 