I got some excellent feedback on my previous entry via an open forum, thankfully. I’d like to amend my message appropriately regarding the subject of anti-bullying as I respond to the logic presented to me. Please bear with me!
A member of the forum is perturbed that I share that violence is the key to ending bullying. I used to think that violence has no place in this world. That I should be civil and kind and do my best to turn the other cheek, no matter what happens. To be morally superior by holding it in with the hope that the perpetrator would understand their crime(s) in due time.
I don’t believe this anymore. That belief didn’t stop me from being raped over and over and over again, more than 200 times due to non-consensual sexual intimacy with my ‘husband.’ I fell so ill that my mental faculties declined completely and I was no longer able to give consent. I was like a child or a baby mentally and yet he forced and coerced sexual intimacy as he saw fit for years.
He knew it was wrong. He knew he was doing wrong. He knows even now, it’s wrong. He got away with it, so why would he do better? He has not been held appropriately accountable. Why would he choose to improve when he has not been told with absolute certainty that it’s wrong? He did it over 200 times. Don’t you think he knew the difference between a willing participant and someone who just showed up? Why did he keep doing it? Why over 200 times? Why didn’t he stop?
Moreover, why didn’t I stop him? Why didn’t I kick and scream and punch? Oh yeah. I’m told violence is wrong. It doesn’t change anything for the better. It doesn’t protect me, it just causes more chaos and problems.
“Iniquity cannot be defined as inequality.”
Okay, right. The literal translation of the Latin word for iniquity is inequality OR injustice. Every other interpretation of this word is wrong because it’s ignoring the root words and their meanings. It’s been given a moral slant that has a religious context. I am not a religious person nor shall I ever be. I am an atheist and I do not believe in some higher power that will cradle me in his arms and protect me from all evil. That’s just fucking naive.
My critic says ‘sometimes you have to analyze the context around the word [iniquity] to understand what it means.‘ That just means to me that none of the religious folk can agree on any one meaning to this word. I don’t really care about any inability to agree; that’s not my problem to sort out. Due to my understanding of etymology, I know iniquity (inaequus) comes from “in” which means NOT in Latin and “aequss” which means EQUAL, JUST. Therefore, INAEQUUS means NOT EQUAL, NOT JUST. I cannot make up a new meaning for this word just because I want there to be some deeper meaning.
Iniquity is the English word that INAEQUUS is translated into. It does not change meaning just because it changed language, does it? If so, you need to re-translate that thing. There is no wiggle room for this interpretation when it is based on cold, hard facts (etymology.) You cannot say it is more evil than what is already said. Inequality is evil. It creates inferiority and superiority complexes in thinking creatures, which creates a pathway for greed to be an option.
The argument is that the decision to commit this sin in one’s heart is more heinous than actually doing it in reality. Maybe that’s true, because if you cannot conceive of it, you’re not going to do it. Unless an accident happens. However, just thinking it and never acting upon it does not make you evil or selfish. You decide not to give into it and that counts.
I would posit that it is noble thinking something unjust and determining not to do it anyway. That it is admirable if you reprogram yourself to eliminate that selfish desire or thought. Not having it at all would be better, but fighting against it and conquering it, quelling it? That’s what determines men from boys and women from girls. Adults from children. We take responsibility for our thoughts and actions and decide to turn the tide. You don’t need to believe in a God to believe in doing what is best for the greater good.
I wonder what would my critic would say about my rapist ‘husband.’ He took me to another country while I was too ill to travel by myself, got me high as a kite on cannabis (which is completely legal there,) and then bedded me. Do you think that was premeditated? Was it iniquitous? If I had kicked, screamed, and punched, maybe it wouldn’t have happened. I was suffering from Stockholm syndrome, to put a name to it, although I understand that is to shirk my responsibility in this equation just as well. I was bound in trauma to this man. I was so sick my brain might as well have been switched off. And the man who did this to me? He knew my brain was in the off position. He guided me to that place. He helped me become that sick. But it’s still my fault. For failing to punch, kick, and SCREAM! It is OBVIOUS to me that society has failed to teach human beings to behave properly. It is now MY responsibility to teach others who would violate me without error. I choose not to turn the other cheek. If you touch me inappropriately, I will smite you.
I must stop dressing in an alluring manner. I must stop walking in a way that tempts mankind. I must stop talking in a way that is flirtatious and invites salacious thoughts without my consent. I must change everything about me to be less inviting, lest I be treated as an object because I look like a Barbie. Somehow, trying to look and feel my best on a professional level means I deserve to be hurt again and again. Violated without my consent.
Do you think rapists could claim ignorance if I become violent? I don’t.
Random fact: Rapists in New York City admit they carry scissors to do their crime because a knife is a weapon and all they want to do is remove the woman’s clothes so they can violate her person. A knife increases their sentence when the court finds them guilty and they know it.
“Now, you also mentioned that “the original seed of envy was planted by that entity”, basically referring to God, which I strongly disagree with. Sin came into the world because of our own choice…its wasn’t Gods choice. God IS a god of choice, and he gave us the decision between good in evil from the start. I’m not gonna go into the whole story bc I’m sure nobody wants to hear it (and I don’t wanna type it out lol.) But it wasn’t God who planted the seed of envy, it was us because we disobeyed his simple plans on how to stay on the path of righteousness.”
If I am reading this correctly… God has no responsibility in the fact that he elevated Abel above Cain, creating the jealousy in Cain’s heart by revoking his love from the man simply because he did not do the same kind of job Abel did.
I have a question for you: did Cain and Abel share a field? If Abel took all the best produce and everything for God… what was Cain meant to be left with? And then God turns around and tells Cain that because Abel took the cream of the crops and offered that, he is unworthy of love? God has no culpability for creating this horrible situation whatsoever, eh? The God who chose to treat one human being as elevated above the other… he did not create iniquity?
In essence — if they shared a field — Cain was punished for sharing. He was punished for allowing his brother to offer the best of the best instead of doing it himself. He was punished for not being greedy.
I’m a Cain. I’m a middle child. I was treated as the least of all children. I was the least considered of all three. My food allergies/intolerances were ignored and I was force fed whatever my baby brother would eat. Nobody cared because I would eat it anyway because I was hungry. I was taught to ignore my reaction to food that caused me pain in my guts. I was taught that my pain is nothing. Only the baby mattered. Before I exhibited weight gain and other symptoms from this, I was a fuck toy born to two pedophiles who couldn’t keep their hands to themselves, let alone their pants around their waists. I was mistreated, beaten, berated, chided and derided my entire life. I can tell you right now that my parents are responsible.
If God is supposed to be the father of all, didn’t he fall down on his job? Didn’t he fail Cain? Instead of instructing him lovingly on how to do better or giving leeway, he instead gave disapproval; he rejected Cain. All Cain wanted was love. It’s what we all want. He was denied it. Even though God, supposedly perfect, full of love and goodwill, and perfectly omniscient, knew exactly what would happen the moment he decided to withdraw his love from the boy like a fucking psychopath.
You can’t have it both ways. Either God is fallible, just like a human being, or he’s not and he’s a psychopath.
I don’t believe in God. If I did, I’d hold Him personally accountable for being born to a pair of pedophiles who raped me and taught me it’s okay to be violated. That my consent is meaningless. That my will is worthless. That my person has no value. I am nothing. My life does not matter. Nobody cares.
People only pretended to care when I had a smile on my face and I gave them the shirt off my back without a hassle, without an argument, without a fight. Now I am on the ground, screaming and crying in emotional, mental, and physical agony. They all just look the other way because it’s inconvenient to deal with me. I am an inconvenience. I should go manage my emotions in private some more! Make myself perfectly easy to RAPE again!
And that is why I know there is no God. They say God knows everything. If that was true, why did I have to go through all this hardship just to exist? Why is it that I am dying of an issue that I’ve had since childhood because a pair of psychopaths raised me? I was taught to treat myself as the least of all. I have no worth. I will never have worth. I exist merely to serve humanity. I am the last one to take into consideration; everyone but me is important.
I could believe I was a bad person in another lifetime and that this is karma, but that very much opposes the entire message in The Holy Bible anyway. It would then point to the Buddhist belief in reincarnation, the Hindu belief in reincarnation. I prefer not to think about how many lifetimes there could be. I am here now. I should be making the most of it.
If I was a bad person, so be it. I’ll take my lickings and deal with it. I already have, anyway.
‘God’ gave us a choice between good and evil.
There is no good and evil. There is only selfish and not-selfish. To be evil is to serve only yourself. To be good is to serve the greater community. That is the only thing that is true and that book backs up this message in spades, but who is listening?
To murder is to serve yourself. You want it, so you take it. Consequences be damned!
To rape someone is to serve yourself. You want it, so you take it. Consequences be damned!
To steal is to serve yourself. You want it, so you take it. Consequences be damned!
To perjure is to serve yourself.
To whine is to serve yourself.
To lie is to serve yourself.
“There is a reason why your [conscience] will tell you what is right and wrong. It’s because God instilled that in our minds to make sure we know what is good and evil. We deliberately just chose to go the opposite direction in terms of what he planned. All he wants now is for us to recognize this and come running back to him.”
I did my utmost to be the most moral person I could imagine being my entire life and He chose to have me raped some 500 times? If God planned for me to face 1,000+ traumas, then that psychopath needs to die. My first rape when I was three years old. I was physically violated because someone wanted to take something from me that I was unwilling to give. Something I didn’t even know I had to give. My innocence.
Tell me that a three year old can choose to go in the opposite direction of God’s plan. Tell me that a three year old can choose to do evil because they know good.
There is no God. A benevolent, omniscient being would not put anyone in this position. I was raised to believe I only have worth serving everyone else around me and never myself. Is that what God wants? If so, your God is psycho!
“Also, I saw you said that you just “cant see” Jesus coming down to earth for the sins of others. In other words, you can’t “imagine” something like that being possible.”
Jesus Christ died because someone was jealous of him. Jealousy is intensely selfish and born of INEQUALITY. INJUSTICE. (a.k.a. iniquity.) Jesus was elevated above the rest of humanity, which caused strife in individuals who felt less than instead of equal to. ‘God’ chose that path for that man, which means ‘God’ slaughtered him on purpose to teach the rest of us a lesson. That lesson was not to show us someone loved all humans enough to die for their fucking sins. That’s some bullshit someone told you to justify the death of a martyr. It’s to show us if you don’t fight for yourself, nobody else will, either.
Nobody is going to sacrifice themselves to die for wrongdoing. They’re going to beg for more chances to get it right because they serve themselves. What you are saying is if they do not complain about dying, they’re a fucking savior. I died and I never complained, so I must be a fucking savior, y’all!
“Also, I saw you said that you just “can’t see” Jesus coming down to earth for the sins of others. In other words, you can’t “imagine” something like that being possible. Well what if I said I can’t “imagine” a fish somehow turning into a monkey due to evolution. I can’t “imagine” rocks colliding and somehow creating life that is so complex that we haven’t even scratched the surface of many of our earthly discoveries. (I’m not saying you believe this I’m just giving an example.)
This just goes to show that something like evolution and Christianity both require one staple thing, and that’s faith. It’s just that a lot of times people lean towards the route that requires less work to submit to or the route that doesn’t leave themselves at fault.”
There is actual evidence of evolution. We call them fossils. We call it DNA sequencing. We call it carbon dating. We call it science. I don’t have to believe in science for it to be true. You’re saying that gravity is optional with this kind of argument, and yet nobody is floating into outer space yet just because they don’t believe in gravity.
I have no evidence of God or even Jesus Christ being a magical healer other than a story. Human beings make up incredible and fantastic stories all the time. Have you read of Shiva? How about anything in modern cinema? Especially anything that comes with an Asian slant; it’s so imaginative and rich in folklore and incredibly colorful. Does it make it true? Did you know the ancient Egyptians had the same story with a different name? He’s not Jesus in that story. He’s Horus. It’s no secret that the Catholic church has ripped off every other religion it can get away with. Ancient Egyptian mythology notwithstanding.
What about The Witches of Karres or Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? They’re all written down and the author can insist it’s true and maybe in two thousand years someone will believe it’s true. Heck, I want to believe they’re true because they give reality a new meaning, if nothing else. Or perhaps someone will insist something even less preposterous, such as The Mayor of Cambridge is true. That’s a believable fictional tale. Or perhaps A Tale of Two Cities is more your style? Personally, I’d prefer to believe in Alice in Wonderland being true over all that. At least it’s a story I can relate to.
As for leaning towards the ‘route that requires less work’: shirking responsibility is evil/selfish. Putting the due diligence on other human beings is completely irresponsible and greedy. Another reason to KICK, SCREAM, AND PUNCH!
And one final thing to say about The Holy Bible: It contradicts itself completely pretty much everywhere, so people will only believe what they want to whenever it’s convenient or pertinent to their perspective and point of view. “It’s just that a lot of times people lean towards the route that requires less work to submit to or the route that doesn’t leave themselves at fault.” Indeed.