“Funny how we make serious faces and act bold when we bleed so much. We bleed and we can’t hide.” – (unknown)
These words are from a young woman who has been bullied and thinks that she has to accept it in perpetuity. I presume she feels trapped in her misery and cannot leave it due to the nature of what was said here. She feels she has to put on a face even though she’s falling apart. She’s crumbling on the inside. She said she had to hold back her tears when hurtful things happen. Just keep acting bold and keep going as if nothing much is happening. Pretend there is no pain.
This is wrong. The young lady here isn’t wrong. It’s the other people treating her that way. That’s what’s wrong. She’s trying her best to be cooperative, to get along harmoniously without harm. It’s not succeeding because whomever is hurting her does not realize she is becoming hurt, and if they do, they don’t understand what it feels like, so they don’t care. My heart goes out to you, young lady.
This young lady wondered if everyone is terrible or if she is just naive. She said that a classmate (female) embarrassed her in front of the entire class and just laughed, like nothing happened! She feels like she appears to be an idiot to everyone now that this has happened, primarily because she didn’t speak up to tell her classmate what she did wrong in the moment [presumably because she was unprepared for the moment when it happened or she took the moral high ground or (insert another reason.)]
She cannot understand why anyone would do this to her. She goes out of her way to keep from harming anyone else, to keep from treading on their boundaries, to allow for the greater good to be the happiest it can be. Her classmate is not on the same level. And now? Now she wonders if she’s become prey for her entire class, if everyone will treat her similarly to the way her classmate disregarded her emotions completely. The peers who watched it happen could treat her similarly and disregard her emotions completely, as well. Peers that she has to live with until school is dismissed for the year and, potentially, until graduation altogether if it’s an intimately small enough setting.
She says she bleeds inside. No one around her can see her and she is unable to speak freely with them, to divulge her emotions, to be vulnerable with them. They are not making it so she feels safe to share herself and her emotions. She feels if she speaks about her classmates and tells them how she feels, they’ll treat her even more horrendously just to make it worse. They’ve proven to be callous assholes. This is inducing a state of torment in this young woman. It all stemmed from one heinously callous action of one classmate. Although I bet if the young woman dug into her past, she’d see a pattern and history of it happening. In fact, she’s afraid to speak up because of that very history. It’s hurt her and prevented her from growing. She has accepted the victim-shaming culture the psychopaths of humanity have created for the whole world to live inside of. She accepted it because she’s told by the silence of others that this is reality.
This young lady has learned that being the victim is shameful. That there is little to no sympathy, especially from the bullies themselves. No one in her class will stand up for her, thinking about how she must be embarrassed. The bully thinks they can just laugh off an embarrassment without addressing the feelings of another individual appropriately. The bully has learned that she can get away with saying anything she damn well pleases because the victim didn’t speak up, and neither did her classmates. The victim didn’t speak up because she’s been taught it does no good.
I posit that the victim ought to speak up, no matter who tries to ignore him or her. She ought to shout, scream, and punch anyone who is going to treat her like dirt. Victims walk around in a haze of pain, anxiety, and worry because of bullies. They are taught to hate themselves, to suppress themselves so that louder, more obnoxious people can lead the way. This leads to social anxiety and panic attacks.
I’ve been bullied all my life and I am sick of people continuing it on and on. The cycle must end. To end it, we must make them ‘pay.’
‘It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye.’
‘An eye for an eye…’
I think it is wrong to physically harm people. Psychologically speaking, you can’t make a bully see the error of their ways until you treat them the same way they treated you. Once they stop acting like a jerk, you should let up… but on the third instance of teaching them their lesson, go all out!
Fool me once, shame on you. Tell them calmly how you feel and give them another chance.
Fool me twice, shame on me. Watch closely… a pattern is emerging. Repeat yourself from round one of this foolishness.
Fool me thrice? SMITE! Teach them a really hard lesson, like what it’s like to be bullied without reprieve. Attack them the same way they attacked you. Stop when they beg for mercy and not a moment sooner, if you can bear to see them in pain that long. If they don’t beg, they won’t get it.
Fool me four times? Exile. Never speak to them again. Use your body language to drive them away. Use clipped sentences and terse phrases to communicate only the facts. Avoid sharing personal details of any sort.
Fool me five times? It’s insanity to stick around for the fifth time, but now it’s time to show your disapproval. Throw the bully away. Do not allow their words, opinions or facts, to enter into your equation. If you do not enforce your boundaries, you risk taking emotional damage. Remove yourself from the situation. If you cannot get away from them, start talking over them, interrupting them, being louder than them, until they leave you alone. Do it every single time they talk to you until they start to consider your thoughts, emotions, and feelings. (Consistently!) If you are more obnoxious than a bully, they will ultimately run away. They are trying to control you with negativity because they are simple-minded fools that live inside their emotions. You don’t need that in your life. Nobody does.
The victim is not naive. It is not his or her fault that other people are jackasses. Those people who are being bullies are often stuck in a cycle of abuse themselves. The bullies are too weak to break the cycle in order to treat the beings around them with intrinsic respect. They are monkey see, monkey do. They are sick of being told what to do by hypocrites and they are lashing out, acting up, crying for help in all the wrong ways. (This does not make them right, by the way. You should definitely scream, punch, and kick! Just know that they have emotions, too, and they are merely part of a systemic problem with the entire world’s society. The continent you live on does not matter; there are bullies everywhere, just as there are victims everywhere.)
The bully is most likely not yet mature enough to be considerate of the feelings of others. They are an entity to be pitied at best. With any luck, their minds will evolve without your help and they will learn how to be real human beings. However, you can be part of their evolution. You don’t have to sit back and hope that they will come to before they maim you psychologically. If you are stuck with bullying classmates or even colleagues, then you need to teach them a lesson in a most upright manner possible. You need to always take the moral high ground if possible, and while you do so you need to simultaneously teach them how you are feeling when they act out and misbehave and torture you. Do not stoop to doing wrong to teach a lesson because two wrongs don’t make a right (but three rights make a left.)
We cannot control how other people behave. We can only control how we ourselves behave. To try to control another human being is to manipulate them and their emotions, which is wrong. It’s what they’re doing to you that makes you so upset with them! Don’t do it. There’s another way.
First, I should remind you that you go out in public to meet your own goals. Your goal may be learning or it may be earning a paycheck. It might even be for socialization and friendship. (Your goal might originate inside of you or be an extension of your family’s thoughts. As long as you agree with your family’s thoughts, that’s okay.) Regardless of your reason to visit the shared reality we all co-create together, we are all in this together. There are many, many people full of poison and vitriol because their own boundaries have been trampled again and again by beings who just don’t care they caused pain (psychopaths) or someone who didn’t understand they caused pain (sociopaths) or someone who only cares about themselves because they are still a child (narcissists).
Secondly, all people have two choices: to be harmonious or to be chaos. Harmony is doing what is best for the greater good and considering the feelings, thoughts, and emotions of other people. Chaos is when people stop caring about anything but themselves (and, more often than not, caring about money more than people.) If you allow yourself to be caught up in the chaos of other individuals, they win. They hurt you so you’re no longer in harmony internally and you are now becoming consumed by the negativity that they themselves surrendered to so long ago, whether it was by choice or coercion.
Finally, not everyone is taught to stand up for themselves. We have to do our best to protect not only ourselves but each other. When there is a bully, if you don’t want to treat them poorly to teach them their lesson and you still desire for them to cease, ask them about their emotions. Keep asking until they are authentic with you and tell you what’s bothering them. I’d wager that someone in their lives — parent, spouse, child, relative, friend, tutor, teacher, instructor, employer, employee, colleague — is disrupting their harmony and they do not have anyone empathizing with them to help them understand they are being mistreated. Nobody stands up for them (the bully), so they turn around and do it to other people, thinking this is how people get ahead in life. The only thing people who treat others poorly get ahead in is trudging the path to Hell, if it exists. Do you want to join them? I think you already did by giving in to them. We live in Hell already and each and every bully contributes further to that end, whether they themselves are a psychopath or simply an accepting victim of the psychopath. (To say willing would be misleading; I do not believe anyone is willing to live in pain like that.)
We can fix that, you know. Just by speaking up. #MeToo, for instance. Just raising awareness that basically every human being on planet Earth has been raped or coerced or otherwise bullied is a start. We’re all on the same path, it’s just that we’re all on different parts of that path. Every human being is the same underneath it all, you know. Everyone’s been hurt by someone who just didn’t care. Someone who didn’t observe their boundaries and walked right over them like a door mat.
We should not suffer bullies, sociopaths, narcissists, and psychopaths. We should still strive to understand we are all in a vicious cycle of torment that was begun probably by a single person, long, long ago. Maybe that was Cain. The story is told so we strive to be like Abel. It’s told, saying that Cain is jealous of his brother because when his brother did the right thing, he was praised, and when Cain did the wrong thing, he was not praised.
I can tell you right now, the person who gave out the praise is who is in the wrong. The original seed of envy was planted by that entity by elevating one and devaluing the other, by creating iniquity. I can tell you right now the word iniquity (and disapproval thereof) appears over 100 times in The Holy Bible. It tells you to drive iniquity out of your heart. Iniquity roughly translates to ‘inequality.’ WHY would GOD create inequality in two brothers? This story makes zero sense unless one of them was a psychopath.
Dear victims of inequality: does being told you are lesser than another person make you want to destroy them? Or does it merely make you want to make them see you are equal?
I posit that a God who creates every living creature and entity in all the known universe asking one to kill another and leave its remains as a sacrifice is WRONG. As someone who has had the unique opportunity to be put in a position similar to God’s (as an administrator of a text-based role-playing game, elevated above a handful of people and put in charge of them and holding them accountable for misbehavior), I can tell you that I made creatures to enrich the game itself. I didn’t want them to die for the sake of the human beings ‘gaining experience.’ They did because that was the nature of the code and the male perspective is limited to death being the only way to appropriately exile an entity, but I disagree.
I surmise it’s a male perspective because as a female, I believe I must try to get along with all beings. That we must cooperate for a brighter future. That every perspective is equal and, with an architect’s help, we can cobble all perspectives together to create the best reality for all individuals involved. It’s a lot of work, but it’s worth it, because it creates the kindest atmosphere that supports emotional vulnerability, authenticity, and open honesty.
Is Cain the original psychopath? Did he feel nothing destroying his brother over a mere criticism? It doesn’t detail how Cain feels anywhere in this story, outside of ‘jealousy,’ or ‘enraged,’ which aren’t actually retrieved from interviewing Cain himself. I don’t know about you, but jealousy only ever made me want to be more like someone else, not destroy them. It’s a terrible story, if you ask me, and ought to be removed from The Holy Bible. It tells me God’s a psychopath in this story. That’s the way it’s written. God is the original psychopath that started all this nonsense of inequality. If there wasn’t a whole book written about abolishing inequality while simultaneously reinforcing it, maybe they wouldn’t be everywhere we look nowadays. (Maybe it’s just mistranslated — I’ll allow for that explanation. In that case, who will translate it again for the rest of us? Who will tell us the truth of that text?)
Bullying can deeply affect one’s life. This poor young woman is an extreme introvert, which means it’s hard for her to communicate her thoughts and feelings without a lot of alone/down time to reflect privately. It’s difficult for her to interact with the rest of society in real time as a result of this. (I’d like to posit that enough stimulation would bring her out of her shell eventually because she’d grow as a result of it. There’s nothing wrong with the young woman at all. It’s just that it’s currently a detriment to her simply because it is building duress.)
Just so that my shy introverted sisters and brothers of another mother can understand, there IS something you can do about responding more quickly in social settings (if you feel the need to.) Start imagining clever retorts to these nasty situations. Pretend you are a third party, the knight in shining armor. What would the knight say to the bully? Start practicing saying or doing things to defend yourself. Role-play the situation over and over, trying to dream up all the possible consequences you can imagine from every angle. What happens if you come off awkward? What happens if they naysay you? What if they do something to prove you are in the right? Is it dangerous? Take a friend! Or ten! Or meet in public to enact your side, to fight for your rights as a valid human being. You can overcome this. I know you can. You absolutely should because you are inadvertently part of the cycle of abuse. Silence is violence. [Ani DiFranco]
This young lady made it onto a sports team and found it hard to make friends because of her introversion. She felt so lucky to make a single friend on that team. That peer was great to her at first. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, the peer turned on a dime. The peer started to ignore the young lady and told everyone else around her that the lady was a ‘fucking idiot.’ Everyone believed the peer without question, without actually talking to the young lady herself to make up their own minds and develop their own opinions. Did the young lady do anything to deserve this behavior? If she did, she was never told what it was. How can she learn in this void? How can she detect how to improve without instruction?
This is an important lesson to everyone: question everything you are told about other human beings. The human being who is telling you to stay away from another human being may be doing so out of spite rather than regard of your own well-being. They may be attempting to alienate a delicate human being in order to further torture them. They may be attempting to force your allegiance in the favor of being a bully yourself! Judge for yourself. Challenge those potential lies and go speak to the person you’ve heard terrible things about. Just have a friendly conversation and wait for them to attack you or prove something. And, by the way, learning slowly is no reason to not be friends with another person. I myself am a slow learner but I don’t count it as a detriment. It just means I am different from other beings in some capacity. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I have probably already made more money than they ever will, anyway.
The young lady kept up with the sports team despite these troubles, unable to leave just because this one peer had gone sour and turned the whole team on her. She resigned herself to being treated this way by the team, unfortunately. However… the young lady found herself the target of another group of bullies, a group that had nothing to do with the sports team she was part of. She suspects it’s merely due to her introversion (and it might well be, it’s easier to pick on people who don’t speak up for themselves, isn’t it?) She’s visibly different and establishes she is quiet, perhaps withdrawn.
These bullies laughed at everything, mostly their own made up nonsense they created to fill in the gaps in her silence. They were being very childish and extremely self-centered. They cared not for harmony, only for chaos. The silver lining is that the young lady was able to find friends in other victims of the same bullies. She learned to ignore the bullies. She changed her perspective to make herself the hero in her own life — exactly as she should! She told herself she’s incredibly special and they are merely children that shouldn’t bother her any more.
To deal with it, she showed her confidence in herself. She pretended not to be bothered by them because she understood that they are perverse and enjoy watching other beings suffer. That is the purpose of a bully: to lower one’s vibrational level down to their own negative cycle of abuse. They want you to understand how they feel and how they are being treated by others or they simply do not care that they cause you pain. Those assholes need to be taught a lesson.
She began to react to the nonsense quickly. In fact, one day she had to team up with one of her bullies on a school project and the first thing he said was, ‘Gosh, I have to team up with an idiot!’ She reacted by glaring at him the exact moment he started to berate her, which made him backtrack and try to say he was speaking of another person. This is classic behavior of a bully, by the way, because what they fear is rejection, disapproval, and (ultimately) physical abuse. This is what they experience in another part of their lives and if you stand up to them, they begin to think you will use your body to prove your point and cause them physical harm. Basically, you must pretend you’re both bears in an aggressive stand-off and whomever stands tallest the longest is the winner because the loser perceives the winner to be a bigger bear (even if they are half a foot shorter!)
This is a much healthier perspective, but there is just one thing she could do: try to break the cycle of bullying by teaching the bullies a lesson in hurt feelings. Additionally, this young woman should have told this young man resolutely without a doubt that it’s not okay to call anyone an idiot, once he backtracked and tried to pin his atrocious behavior on someone else. To call a person an idiot is an egregious insult designed to isolate others and make them feel inferior. To allow this boy to transfer his inferiority complex onto the next person is to allow the cycle to continue. One might realize that what that boy fears most in this world is being inferior, so he is rather quick to attempt to assert his superiority. He’s turning his fear inside out and projecting it onto other people. If he perceived himself as an equal instead of someone always being superior, he would not behave this way at all.
There is no doubt about it. Bullying is a toxic way to try to get attention, to cry for help, to try to bolster one’s own ego or boost one’s confidence, to try to prove superiority because of some feeling of inferiority. There really is no excuse for these people, and yet they cannot mature without telling someone how they are wrong and they are empathized with at the same time. It’s hard to cope with these assholes, especially when it overlaps with the other more normal challenges of life building up all around you, but you have to keep your purpose in mind at all times. What gets you out of bed in the morning? That is your purpose.
People who have been bullied and unsuccessful at defending themselves are suffering social anxiety, which includes panic attacks, because they’ve learned to stay quiet; they’ve learned that making waves makes them seem like a whiny loser. They haven’t been taught to scream, kick, yell, punch! To stand their ground! They have been taught to lay low to keep harmony instead of rocking the boat in self-protection. They withdraw further and further and these brilliant, wonderful minds are lost in the school setting and the work setting. No one gets to see the perspective of the victims because indelicate fiends have convinced them the way they view reality is irrelevant and their purpose is to be invisible.
Your emotions are valid. Your voice matters. You do not deserve oppression. Your feelings matter! Your thoughts matter! Your value should never be determined by others, especially not toxic assholes who want to put you under their boot heel so they can feel mighty and superior. News flash: we are all equal. No one’s thoughts, emotions, or feelings are more important than anyone else’s. If you are stuck with people who do not want to empathize with you, bail. Get out of Dodge! Quick! And if you can’t… then learn the art of being an anti-bully.
The first step of becoming an anti-bully is to empathize with the bully. I know this is counter-intuitive. They are hurting you! Why should you pull on your big boy or girl pants and try to see the bigger picture? Why should you try to empathize with them? They are just assholes out to cause you pain, right?
There are a lot of things to consider in order to judge the situation fairly. It’s possible that the bully does not understand how you feel, especially if its embarrassment. Everyone is different. We have different likes and dislikes, different preferences, different attitudes, and we have different reactions to the same events, too. What embarrasses you might not embarrass them, OR alternatively someone did the same thing to them and that’s exactly how they were treated and now they think this behavior is acceptable. If you are going to be an advocate to end bullying, you have to discern the reason they are being difficult or aggressive or dismissive or (insert misbehavior.)
The very first thing one should do with a potential bully is try to communicate (as calmly as you can manage) that the boundaries you observe have been trodden and it makes you feel a negative emotion because the subtext of the situation tells you something about you is undesirable, queer, or just plain wrong. Your feeling of being disapproved of is valid and should be addressed in the most constructive manner possible, which would be a heartfelt conversation. You must articulate your feelings and why you feel them, and then ask them to stop making you feel that way. A normal human being will listen to you. A normal human will stop in order to be considerate of you and your feelings. They are feeling creatures, too. They don’t want to hurt you unnecessarily. Do not accept apologies. Do not allow them to turn around and do it again and again without repercussion. That behavior is not normal and proves their apology is hollow, designed to lower your defenses so they can mistreat and abuse you again and again. Hold them accountable. Do not let them forget that they hurt your feelings until they have proven they are respecting your feelings adequately.
Although most human beings are reasonable, we still have a subset of people who are narcissistic, sociopathic, or psychopathic. They are some level of ‘I don’t give a fuck (about you.)’ These people are not going to listen to a conversation about your feelings and take away that they should grow up and be considerate of you and your well-being. It’s too inconvenient for them to display empathy for another human being, sadly. This leads to being forced to walk a new path. The path of teaching a lesson, a path that takes some grit to walk.
If one waits long enough with a dispassionate perspective and attitude, one can see the bully enter a situation that makes them feel how you felt when they trod all over you. Then you tell them, ‘Now you know how I feel (when you did X)’ and let it sink in. Just say it one time. They should get the memo if they’re simply sociopathic (unable to understand your thoughts/emotions from a conversation alone) or minorly narcissistic (too self-centered to care about you by default.) There is a third option that might explain this situation that has come to pass, too: they never felt that way before. Nobody ever put them in a position to feel rejected, embarrassed, or disapproved of. If you wait for them to come to that emotion naturally, then you will have taken the most moral and high ground to show them how you feel. It is up to you to watch them get to that point so you can highlight that they are feeling the way you felt, though, if that’s the path you’re going to take.
Personally, I can’t wait long enough for that in all cases. Nor should I, if you ask me. If I’m being mistreated by someone, I should call it out. I should make them face it head on. I should make them eat their words (and their shorts!) People who let bullies get away with torturing them and others are just as wrong as the bully themselves. If we learn to speak up to defend ourselves and others, we can teach others how to defend themselves (and, in turn, still others!) We need to show each other that we are kind and compassionate beings at the core. We need to stand up for what is right and avoid everything we’ve come to know is wrong to the best of our abilities.
Being an introvert is not a fucking crime. But the introverts who are being bullied think their nature is incorrect, that their nature is unacceptable. They think there is something intrinsically wrong with them because they are easy targets. There’s a reason the bullies pick on them. (They’re the least likely to speak up and end the bully’s reign of terror.) If you get in the habit of verbalizing and defending yourself, you will be able to break the cycle of bullying. So many people don’t want to try to understand other people; they’d rather make fun of them and tell them they’re undesirable. They pick the easiest targets, too. The easiest target is the quietest person in the room because they can count on your silence. Your silence is violence. You are letting them get away with murder, so to speak.
There are many non-verbal cues one can employ to begin breaking the cycle. Cross your arms over your chest. Roll your eyes at them. Glare. Sneer. Frown persistently. Use any and all manner of way to tell them they are unwanted without saying a word. Any time an authority figure tries to force you to interact with that person, tell them they’re a bully and you will not tolerate them in your learning/working process and decline. Do not ask permission to decline, simply do it. Do NOT allow that authority figure to tell you to just suck it up. Tell them you absolutely will not work in a group with someone who is bullying you. Leave the classroom or work place altogether if they try to force the subject in their favor. Be absolute with your boundary. Taking care of your personal well-being is your job. No one is going to do it for you. Simply leaving ensures that the other people involved get the message: you will not put up with that sort of behavior.
Authority figures think they have the right to obliterate your boundaries, but they don’t. That’s what Hitler did with the Nazis. He obliterated the boundaries between being human and psychopathic and turned thousands of soldiers into outright monsters, dehumanizing and mistreating millions of human beings based on a perceived difference. Remember this: a man with brown hair and brown eyes convinced a bunch of blue eyed and blonde people they were the superior ones of all humanity. They took that to a height no one could have even perceived until it was all over and the atrocities were uncovered. And now, we are taught about this callous genocide in order to sympathize with the survivors the best we can and learn our lesson about psychopaths. If we don’t sympathize, we should at least empathize. We cannot do either one until we feel like the victims ourselves, even if it is only for a brief period. The real moral of the story is that if we allow people to misbehave, they will take it to new levels and atrocious behaviors that we cannot perceive of until after we uncover them.
Some people will feel like victims their entire lives. Those of us who speak up and lash out at the bullies can be called survivors instead. The difference is whether or not you use your insider knowledge as the victim to increase empathy in all the individuals around you. And that starts by empathizing with the bully at a basic level, extrapolating, and trying to deal with their emotions from a different angle. If you are an understanding sort, you may try a constructive approach. Often, that will not work, and a destructive approach will be required if the constructive approach does not succeed.
What does a bully feel? Primarily, it’s fear. They’re afraid. It doesn’t matter what they are afraid of, either, since we all feel fear regarding different things in our life. We are taught to be afraid, either through actions made by others or as a reaction to being subjected to a traumatic or painful experience. The difference between a victim and a survivor here is crucial: a victim will say, ‘I burned myself, I fear fire!’ and a survivor will say, ‘I better learn how to play with fire so I won’t be burned again.’
Any person who pretends to be your friend then turns around to attack you or shame you deserves to be gut punched in the feels. They are atrocious human beings. They know what they are doing. If they are hurt by something you did, it’s their responsibility to air their concerns with you to resolve that issue rather than simply running around telling people lies about you to alienate you further. What they are doing is setting you up to accept being victimized the rest of your life. (They may not realize this is what they are doing, but it is the end result of what they do. They need to be held accountable for the outcome of their behavior, whether they knew it was the outcome or not.)
Another tactic for dealing with someone whom you’ve decided simply cannot empathize with you and treat you as an equal is to be curt whenever you are forced to speak to them. Do not say anything more than what is necessary to answer any inquiries. Do not offer personal details. Much like the police, anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of a bully. They will twist your words around to hurt you the best they can. They will spread lies over misinterpretation of what you said. They will tell other people to disregard you because they want to hurt you more and more. By refusing to tell them anything other than the facts that answer their question (not the interpretation of their question), they cannot use your personal circumstances or perspective against you. This is a layer of protection you can learn to insulate yourself from all people, honestly, since most people are capable of misunderstanding you (willfully or not.)
Be absolute in your boundaries. Do not speak to bullies outside of making sure they understand that they are unwelcome in your life. If you cannot get out of a group with a bully, be as cold as the arctic winds to them. Shut them down any time they are trying to project negativity onto the group. Be factual as often as possible. You can choose to be courteous if you are trying to take the high ground, but they really don’t learn from it, in my experience. They think people who take the moral high ground are weak and ineffective, that they are begging to be door mats their entire lives, that they are willing to take the pain lying down and never give a fight. I suggest you do the opposite: FIGHT!!!!!
You can choose to ignore a bully. You can pretend it’s no bother to you, whatever it is they are doing. This will make them stop, eventually, because it’s true: they’re trying to torture you for a reaction. The reaction they get from you justifies their misbehavior. It validates them. It makes them feel better in their own victimized path they are walking. They are satisfied they’ve completed the cycle by taking what they were given and heaping it onto you. They are being abused and instead of trying to stand up for themselves, they are transferring it to another human being.
If you are a morally superior human being, the buck stops with you. If you aren’t, you turn into a bully yourself. It would be more effective to scream at them to stop. ‘THIS IS NOT OKAY!’ ‘I DO NOT CONSENT TO BEING TREATED THIS WAY!’ ‘STOP BOTHERING ME LIKE THAT!’ — If you get loud enough for someone with valor to overhear you, that human being will support you against the bully. If another person teams up with the bully, well… they’re your enemy. They are an enemy of mankind. Period. The End. Do not ever consider them to be an ally. They have proven that they will side with someone in the wrong. Either way, I recommend you don’t stay quiet about it. KICK, SCREAM, AND PUNCH! (Metaphorically first, then physically if they do not cease and desist.)
Do not waste your breath trying to explain the bully to everyone else. Show others clearly how you feel in how you handle that person and speaking of that person that is mistreating you. Let them learn for themselves if that person is valuable in their lives. All people deserve to be loved, but you are not required to love all people directly. You are required to demarcate your boundaries and hold fast to them so that you do not allow others to subjugate you, to control you. You are a free agent. Provided you are not a psychopath and you can empathize with others, you should be free to ‘Say what you mean and mean what you say. Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.’ [Theodore Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss] As long as you are attempting to achieve the greater good, as long as you admit your errors because you understand you are a human being just like the rest of us and there is no such thing as perfection, then you are capable of learning to operate as a sensitive, feeling, thinking being and do not need to be supervised like a child. That is true maturity. I must say that it’s disappointing that most adults I’ve met have not even reached that level.
If you don’t stand up for yourself, you will become a victim instead of a survivor. It’s real cute to say that Jesus Christ (or some other mythological figure or creature) is going to come around and make 8 billion people understand the consequences of their awful actions, but I don’t see that happening… do you? If you cannot (or will not) protect yourself, other people will notice and they will make plans to upset you further by violating your boundaries. ON PURPOSE. (Psychopaths!) This could escalate from shaming, embarrassment, and disapproval to rape, theft, and murder. It all starts with a seed of misbehavior that was not quelled at the appropriate time. They got away with their dastardly behavior originally and that will only encourage them to continue to misbehave because no one tries to stop them.
I don’t want anyone to suffer like this. I don’t want to hear about people being violated this way. Psychopaths will always escalate and psychopathy is the far end of the narcissism spectrum: it’s a person who cares about nothing but one’s self. The longer they go unchecked, the more perverse their behavior becomes. The key to quelling their misbehavior is to treat them like they’ve demonstrated they treat others (or you.) Just like training cats and dogs, the quicker you react, the easier it is for them to learn their lesson.
And one last thing: remember that someone else taught them to be that way (or that it’s okay to act that way.) If the bully is not a psychopath, they are often victims of a psychopath. Empathizing with them may well disarm them, but if not, you can punch them in the feels so they are forced to empathize with you. Continue to punch them in the feels until they stop doing whatever it is they are doing. Mirror their behavior directly onto them, do not let them get away with mistreating you.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Thrice? SMITE! Teach them a really hard lesson, like what it’s like to be bullied without reprieve. Four times? Exile. Use your body language to drive them away. Five times? FIGHT. Throw them away! If you do not, you risk lasting emotional damage. Remove yourself from the situation. If you are forced to interact with them, determine to talk over them, interrupt them, be louder than them. Mistreat them until they leave cease their misbehavior. If you are more obnoxious than a bully, they will ultimately turn away. They are trying to control you with negativity because they are simple-minded fools that live inside their emotions. You don’t need that in your life. Nobody does.
Special thanks to: whatsoulever, clarasoo, and leyla. I love you. 💗💗💗
We are all part of this reality. ‘Reality’ is comprised of the facts we can agree upon together. The rest of your life — and I do mean YOUR life — is interpreting those facts to suit your personal narrative. Your personal narrative is how you walk through this world to achieve YOUR goals. If we do not decide to believe in our own judgment of the facts, to trust ourselves with the facts, then we will falter and lose our way because we will then rely on other people to interpret our reality. They cannot interpret our reality for us because they are a unique individual, just like we are unique individuals, and it will skew our perceptions in favor of another human being’s limited perception that is, most likely, centered on their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Those people are not us. They are other. And they will force alienation upon whomever will sup from their cups because they wish to be greater than instead of equal to. All creatures are equal. We are all equally important to the cosmos.
‘We are a way for the universe to know itself. Some part of our being knows this is where we came from. We long to return. And we can, because the cosmos is also within us.’ [Carl Sagan]