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  • How To Accept A Real Woman

    Or a real man. Let’s face it, anyone can fantasize. It goes both ways. Fantasy is the #1 relationship killer on planet Urth. I’d say women were better at not doing it than men, but I’ve known too many women who openly drool over football uniforms and the like. (Is your princess into pigskin, too? […]

  • Men, Men Everywhere… Not a One is Single

    I suspect even if men were to opt to wear rings when they weren’t on the market, even the ones without rings are still not single. Le gasp! How can this be, mademoiselle? Quite simply, they all have someone specific on their mind already or they’re a horn ball that will fuck anything that moves. […]

  • I am the Code Cracker.

    Reality is written in code. She gives you a moment to process your Matrix “whoa.” Everything — absolutely everything — revolves around unwritten rules. Before we knew what to call Gravity, we interacted with it every day. In fact, it’s friend in chief is Entropy, which we can observe as a small child tears a […]

  • Know Your Rights

    You have the right to remain silent. Whatever you say can and will be used against you [in a court of law.] It’ll be used against you whether you are in a legal situation or not, I’ve come to find out. Anything I choose to impart on another individual seems to be willfully misinterpreted and […]

  • Black Friday Is A Scam

    But we’re not going to talk about that. Nope! What is wrong with me? he wondered to himself. Why was he still imagining Grocery Girl? Yesterday, he’d let his mind wander and one thing led to another… for hours, actually. Two solid hours. He daydreamed of making love to her that whole time… and it […]

  • [Garlic] Cornbread Success!!!!!

    Do you know the secret to soft cornbread? We do! You mix the corn meal with your water or milk (or, in our case, “milk.”) You let it sit for at least five minutes. THEN you add your other ingredients. Any powder add-ins that aren’t flour ought to go in before the flour. In this […]

  • American Singles Awareness Day #1: Thanksgiving

    You could have gone from the day after Valentine’s to Halloween single and not been as keenly aware of it as you would be on (US) Thanksgiving. I don’t know if this rings true for Canadian Thanksgiving, so forgive my ignorance. Today is a day of gluttony. We will eat until we cannot move, we […]

  • Holidays = Angry People

    Why is it that so much hinges on just a few days in a year? Why do people wait until a feast or a gift-giving occasion, which only happens once or twice a year, and rely on being “perfect” without practice? I already want to be dead again. I’m sick of the vitriol and hatred […]

  • Woes of a Fashionista PT 1

    Today, I am depressed. This is fairly normal and has nothing to do with fashion at all. I love clothes and I have a distinctive style that others copy and I think that’s all you need to be a fashionista. If you disagree, too bad. I don’t care. We crave labels, you know? We crave […]

  • The Most Succulent Breast

    Crystal walked in circles, putting the finishing touches on cleanliness here and there, as she waited for her bird to come out of the oven. It wasn’t Thanksgiving yet, but she had a turkey in anyway. In fact, it was the week before Thanksgiving, a Native holiday to Americans everywhere (and grossly misconceptualized by white […]